I'm 40+5 weeks and had such high hopes for a VBAC this time round. I have a private midwife and as part of the collaborative agreement, have seen 2 obstetricians. The first I refused to see again. The second I thought was a good fit until our appointment 2 days ago where he threw the dead baby card at me when I asked to discuss induction options and going past 42 weeks. That appointment ended badly (to say the least) and I have refused to see him again.
I now feel completely certain that this pregnancy is going to end in a caesarean and have asked my midwife to book one in asap so I can get it over and done with. She has refused and wants to see me on Monday before making this decision. I've agreed to humour her but TBH, I can't see me changing my mind. I have lost all confidence in my body and am convinced I will not go into labour by 42 weeks. I keep thinking
1) who am I to question 2 obstetricians who between them have over 50 years of experience - I put my faith in the medical profession for tons of other things, why am I being so arrogant now?
2) I wish I had just booked an elective caesarean from the outset - now I'm in a position where I have no idea who will do the surgery and it'll be in a public hospital which terrifies me. I wish I was able to go into a private hospital and have DH stay with me like he did for our first child. Plus, if I'd booked an elective, I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so disappointed and depressed because I had failed at another birth and once again, made crappy decisions.
3) I have tried acupuncture, nipple stimulation, walking, fitball bouncing etc etc. The baby isn't even engaged let alone showing signs of labour. What a waste of effort and money.
I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. I am sick of people asking when I'm due, I'm sick of my midwife being so damn optimistic, I'm sick of being disappointed dozens of times a day thinking that a twinge or feeling might mean the start of labour, I'm sick of waiting for what's going to be an inevitable outcome of repeat caesarean. I just want it to be over and done with so I can stop focussing on the birth and start focussing on my baby. I am racked with guilt that this entire pregnancy has pretty much been about the birth and I've not spent a lot of time just daydreaming about this little person who I'm so excited to meet. In trying to do the best thing, I've ended up being totally selfish and unhappy.
I think I just need to vent. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
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30-06-2012 12:35 #1
Feeling despondent and have zero confidence in VBAC
30-06-2012 12:51 #2
Best of luck to you, now go and get a cuppa and make a decision - hold out til 42weeks or book the csection. I think once you have made a decision you will feel better. This isnt about the ob, midwife or anyone else but you so it is up to you to make the call (taking on board any necessary advice from your chosen experts). I wont go into details, but I know how you feel. In the end I went with the advice of my ob who I trusted so much, for me that was the right decision, our outcome would have been very bleak of I had of kept up the stubborn me!
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30-06-2012 12:54 #3
If you hold out until 42wks they'll do a csection, right? So why not wait & hope baby decides to make an entrance beforehand?
30-06-2012 13:08 #4
Because there's no ob involved, there's no set pathway. In any case, my struggle with making the decision was about waiting until maybe 42+4 and weighing that up with a repeat caesarean at 42 or looking at options of induction at 42. Unfortunately the ob was unable to have an non-emotive, risk based conversation and simply said he wasn't in the business of delivering dead babies and that a repeat caesarean would hold zero risk (clearly an utter lie). So there went any chance of me getting advice from a specialist.
DH and my middie don't want me to book a caesarean before 42 weeks given how hell bent I was on having a VBAC. I'm just so emotionally drained and fed up that I'm now seeking the path of least resistance. Will I regret it? Who knows. Though I've already started researching psychologists who specialise in PND in my area. Maybe that answers my question.
It's so hard to not get more upset with every passing hour that I don't go into labour. I'm not a very strong minded person, it doesn't take much to kill my confidence.
30-06-2012 14:07 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
30-06-2012 14:11 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
The reason I'm asking is, I'm wondering if you are feeling pressure to go into labour now that you have passed the magic 40.0 week mark?
I have a major headache so I'm not thinking very clearly at the moment, but I'll PM you in a minute!
Don't lose confidence is yourself just yet sweetie .
What an idiot thing for that OB to say to you
30-06-2012 14:13 #7
I was mostly confident. Having a second ob not support me and going past 40 weeks has shattered all confidence I had. Plus, I had such faith in acupuncture after reading about the success rates after 40 weeks. Yet it's done nothing here which suggests my body is nowhere near ready to go into labour (if it even can go into spontaneous labour).
30-06-2012 14:34 #8
Just because the Obs you've seen haven't been supportive doesnt mean other Obs won't be. Where I live there are a number of Obs who would be extremely supportive of me attempting a VBA2C, which carries more risk than a VBAC after a single section.
Are there any other Obs you can see?
I do know how you feel to some degree though. Leading up to my pregnancy with DS2 I was *so* focused on a VBAC... I read, I meditated, I had chiropractic, acupuncture, perfect diet, exercised regularly, had a doula, made sure my Ob would support my wishes. I could see it happening perfectly. But my bub turned out to be breech with a fundal placenta and a short cord around his neck twice so I needed an elective. But you know what? It turned out fine. It was just the way he was meant to arrive. I would have preferred a natural birth hands down but because I was surrounded by supportive people I came out of it feeling fine. I probably will try vba2c next time but if it doesn't happen I'm ok with that.
So what you need, in my opinion, is a supportive Ob. Then you can continue with your chosen, not forced, path with peace. You'll be able to keep as many positive elements as you can if you do decide on another csec and feel supported if you VBAC, because the fear they're putting on you will not help labour.
If I were you I wouldn't book in for a csec before 42 weeks - you've come this far. Ultimately only you can decide, I just think give yourself a chance xx
30-06-2012 14:45 #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
Hi I just wanted to say I share your guilty feelings about the pregnancy being so focused on the birth. I am 17 weeks now & don't feel connected to this bub at all, it really upsets me. Most of the time I feel really confident that I'll have a VBAC, but when I actually have some quiet time to think about it, I cry. At the start of my yoga classes we 'reflect' about our babies and it's meant to be really lovely but I lie there terrified that I can't do it.
Sorry my reply turned into a mini-vent
30-06-2012 15:12 #10
"Reluctant doctors like to believe that they haven't much influence over their patients, but that is clearly not the case. Several studies have found that when doctors genuinely encouraged women to have VBACs, most of them did, and when they said nothing or acted neutral, most women didn't. Finally, when obstetricians discouraged VBAC in women who wanted to try it, none of them did." Henci Goer, Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.
I agree it sounds like your support system is falling apart I think you need to regroup with your Partner and Midwife it sounds like you need some emotional support is there a chance your MW can come tomorrow instead of Monday?
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