I hope this is posted in the right section. I've posted about this before so sorry if you've already seen it.
I have two exes - ex 1, I'm currently spending time with, I wouldn't really class it as a relationship as yet but it's heading that way. And omg it's freaking me out. I need to end it before it goes any further because I know I don't feel the same way as he does. This will be the third time we've broken up, with me being the instigator every time. I just can't feel anything for him anymore and I shouldn't have kept going back. I know it's horrible and I'm leading him on at the moment, I feel really guilty about it.
Ex 2, I still love and miss terribly. I know there's no chance there and I'll get over it in time. He left me.
I think I need to forget about men altogether for a while and concentrate on myself cos there's a few issues I need to work on. I feel a bit 'past it' at 26 (I know that's silly) and like I've blown everything, you know, I'll never meet anyone else. But I can't keep this thing going, I need to stop it before it goes any further.
I guess I'm asking for advice - is there any way I can soften the blow? I'm thinking I'll give myself a deadline of Monday at the latest. What do I say though, I'm thinking it's a bad idea to admit I still love ex 2. I don't want to give him any hope that there'll be another chance though. I don't want to hurt him but the longer it goes on the worse it'll be. I feel so horrible
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30-06-2012 10:52 #1
Breaking up, help
30-06-2012 11:07 #2
I believe honesty is the best policy. I would tell him the truth about how you feel about him and your ex.
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30-06-2012 11:08 #3
I think theres nothing like the truth. But don't kid yourself - its gonna hurt him, & you can do nothing to change that. I'd also be cutting contact completely, at least for a while. Honestly, you aren't the first & won't be the last to lead someone on. It's human to enjoy the attention. So feel bad but don't dwell.
Now as for 26 being past it - at 26 I split with a long term partner. I thought it was the end of the world & I'd be single forever. At 27, 6 months later, I met literally the man of my dreams. He is a total spunk & we are made for each other. We had our first bub 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I wasn't past it & neither are you!!
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30-06-2012 11:18 #4
I have a motto, the truth is always better than a lie. I would be gentle but honest that you don't feel the same way and that you don't want to hurt him. It's better to do it now, then 6 months down the track when he really believes it's going to work.
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30-06-2012 11:52 #5
I think the truth is definitely better than a lie... But I also think it's not fair to be brutal for the sake of honesty.
I would tell him the truth. You feel that you're not good for him, and that you can't commit in the way that he wants. That you think that he's a fantastic person (clearly, otherwise you wouldn't keep going back!) and that even though there's a certain chemistry there, it's not enough for you to feel like the relationship can be sustained.
Tell him that if you need to take a long time away from each other so that you can learn to stop treating him as a fallback. He doesn't deserve it.
BUT I would NOT mention the other ex. That's not going to happen, and you know it. So why make it about someone else? Your relationship with the first ex is the one that you need to close off for his sake. The other one you need to close off for YOUR sake, but that has nothing to do with ex 1. So don't bring it up.
Saying that you're hooked on someone else only makes it look like you're trying to replace him or that he's not good enough. He might not be, but don't try to redirect his pain by making it look like it's ex 2's fault.
Good luck to you, it sounds like a horrific position to be in and I don't envy you at all.
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01-07-2012 10:53 #6
Thanks for all your input guys...I'll report back when it's done...
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