Would be a deal breaker for me, too. My DP is a cop (although she's a woman so maybe her opinion doesn't count) and she would have no problem (and she'd probably take great delight in) charging him with every count of negligent driving pertaining to that if she caught him.
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26-06-2012 08:05 #61
26-06-2012 08:40 #62
The trust would be gone, I wouldn't feel safe leaving my child with him if he wasn't going to follow the law!
What else is he willing to risk?
Would he leave him in the bath alone?
Next to the fire unsupervised?
I used to work in childcare and back then we had as duty of care to the children to report children who were being driven drunk, unrestrained etc
This attitude is going to bite him in the a$$ if he's not careful I hope for everyone involved its a fine and nothing worse.
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26-06-2012 08:46 #63
What a moron. I wouldn't stay if df risked our kids lives like that.
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26-06-2012 08:53 #64Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2008
OP, I feel for you, I have had this battle before, although not quite as young. My husband was very relaxed about car safety. And can I say, as upset as I was, and as upset as the OP obviously is, it actually isn't a measure of how much the father loves his kids. It IS a measure of how lazy they are, how bulletproof they think they are, how much they truly think it 'won't happen to me', and how 'normal' that behaviour is in their world. My husband loves our kids with his whole being, if he honestly thought there was a good chance our children could die from being in this situation, he wouldn't do it, but all the other self-inflated ego stuff gets in the way.
I know that sounds really stupid to a lot of you, but where we are from it is not that unusual to see people without their kids in car seats after about the age of 3 or 4. Some of my closest friends who are highly educated drive around with 3 and 4 yr olds not in car seats. It is the 'norm' and it is very hard to break that norm when you are living amongst it.
Anyway, as I said, I have had this battle, I'm pretty anal about car seats but my husband is pretty relaxed, and we'd always argue about it, to the point where I wouldn't let him take our kids home (where we are from) with him because I was so scared they wouldn't be in car seats (his whole family are relaxed about it). When our DD was about 4, I remember she told me he let her go in the front seat to the servo, (1 km away) and I went off my head, and he had the same attitude that I was overreacting etc. When she was in Prep, sometimes he'd drop her at school, and let her sit in the front (school was a 2 min drive away, literally down the road), again I'd go off, but I felt it was a losing battle because her best friend sat in the front every morning, along with a whole lot of other kids. STILL, I see little kids in the front seat all the time to and from school, my kids think I am so so mean.
Anyway OP, I don't know what happened, but somehow my husband got the message, I can't remember if I stopped letting him take them places (I know I refused to let him take them back home to his family), or what, but he did grow the f up eventually and I know now he'd never be that reckless with our kids we have now. I also really drummed into DDs head how dangerous it was- sad when you have to teach your 4-5 yr old to say no to their Dad because he can't get it himself. Sorry I can't offer more advice, but I do recommend just refusing to let him take them anywhere, which is harder for you, but you'd never forgive yourself if he took her out and something happened.
One of my friends lost her 2 yr old in a car accident (no car seat), and the funeral was the worst I have ever been to, she had to be held back from jumping in the grave with her DD. It was just awful and it has stuck in my mind forever.
26-06-2012 08:56 #65
Isn't there a saying about most accidents happening close to home?
I remember my driving instructor teaching me to be more careful in suburban streets... people pay less attention and are less cautious in their own neighbourhoods.
He's an idiot. I would be absolutely exerting my power as the mother of this child, and refusing to ever let him drive the child again unless it is properly restrained, and I had seen to that before he left.
You don't have to be a bad driver to have an accident. Anything could happen. A good driver may be met with a bad driver. A good driver may have a kid suddenly dash in front of the car and have to slam on the breaks (where your son would go flying... through the windscreen, head-first into the dash, have his face broken my airbags, etc), the car may malfunction and not work as it is supposed to (eg, a tyre may randomly blow). He needs to realise that his son's safety is not entirely in his control... but that he CAN control how well he protects his son by putting him in a carseat for travel.
26-06-2012 08:59 #66Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Mm at the risk of being told my partner is an effing moron.. which is just lovely.. and totally helpful to the op ..
My partner has driven our four year old to the local shop in the front seat.. his reasoning also being we live in a quiet suburb and its a one minute drive.. he also said it takes longer to put him in his car seat than to drive there.. which is true..
What I did was download a zillion articles about people who died in car accidents near their homes (its not that uncommon) children killed in car accidents and children incorrectly seated in cars during crashes.. I basically made him think long and hard and the penny did drop..
I think for a lot of people they still remember the supposed "good old days" where toddlers sat on a phone book with a normal seat belt or whatever other crap we used to do.. and think "hey I survived"..
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Last edited by Mod-Nomsie; 26-06-2012 at 09:49. Reason: not necessary
26-06-2012 09:04 #67
I've not read all the comments, but how about you cut the drivers seat belt off and see how safe he feels driving then. What an idiot
26-06-2012 09:04 #68Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Oh and like Anna said.. it can really depend on the people you know and what they do.. people I know think I'm a massive loser for keeping my four year old in a proper car seat. Fortunately I don't really care.
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26-06-2012 09:07 #69
Perhaps your dh would benefit from having a chat with some police or ambulance officers about what they see when they attend an accident where a child has not been adequately and age appropriately restrained. His arrogance leaves me dumbfounded.
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26-06-2012 09:09 #70
When my mother was a child (so before car seats) her little brother was in the front seat of my grandpas truck, strapped in and sitting in a milk crate. He was 20 months.
A small car hit them on the passenger side, outside their house.
He was literally crushed to death.
They were in a truck!!!
Sorry but Your husband is a moron
Last edited by Lumpy Melon; 26-06-2012 at 09:17.
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