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  1. #21
    Bonkers is offline wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
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    Wow I can not believe she acts like that and put your babies life at risk. What a nutter. There would be no way ild let any of my children EVER stay the night again. I read your op and was like wtf... Then read some of the responses and was gob smacked at how people are responding, what would they do if it was there child with breathing probs and their mils were ignoring your and the doctors safety requests? I know ild be livid an I prob would of gone an picked them up that night. I'm just shocked at the responses.
    As for putting it on fb, I wouldn't put the q directly but I would I made a snide remark but wouldn't mention names or anything an only if I was so angry

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    Reading all the issues you have has with her in the past I would want to cut her out without a doubt. If she had acted like that with me, I would have stormed over and got the kids, gave her a piece of my mind and left.

    I wouldn't have trusted her to have them at all after the dog incident.

    Best I would do is to let her come to your house to see them, no negotiation. Good luck with it all, she sounds like a horrid person to be around.

    Oh also I do agree with PP about airing your dramas on FB is a massive no no.

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    This is more serious then just her "ignoring your wishes" it's just blatantly lying and putting your baby at risk.
    I don't know your history so can only go by your post but if it were my MIL I would ensure she was never alone with them again until they were much older.

    But regarding cutting out a grandparent, I have done so. In fact I've cut out 95% of sperm donors family.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smartiecat View Post
    Oh I remember when you posted about this past week.

    Personally I think that the other people should butt out this is between your family and her.

    In response to your question, I wouldn't cut her out but I would not leave my children alone with her ... I would leave it to rest for a couple of weeks and then invite her for dinner. I would just have little visits with her your place abd hers.

    She obviously cares for your kids a lot, I'm sure they love her too. Sounds like she has also given your family some wonderful support in the past, she sounds misguided and old fashioned with her parenting theories.

    Good lick
    She invited people to butt in when posting it on facebook.

    I personally think you shouldn't air your dirty laundry on facebook. I remember your post about this last week. I honestly would never leave my children alone with your MIL. Having said that I wouldn't cut her out of their lives.. I don't believe that's in the best interests of the child. I would let her have access to your children but only supervised access not being left alone with them as she obviously can't be trusted. My mother is the exact sam and unfortunately she has chosen to have nothing to do with us I would explain to your MIL that you will no longer be leaving your children with her and why. If she gets upset it's her own fault anyway.

    I hope you work something out.

  5. #25
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    What your MIL did was inexcusable. To blatantly ignore you & your drs instructions for the care of your bub...
    If she wants to play Russian roulette with their safety the she shouldn't be allowed to play at all. Sounds like an ongoing issue & i'd probably say no more unsupervised visits until she has first proven she can be trusted & secondly when the kids are older & not so dependant.

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    I posted on DOTF and even commented I hope her mil read my comments.

    She could have ended her granddaughters life - one who's struggled to breath for 6 months. I commented on FB that I wouldn't let her see my kids if I was in that position because if she lost my child I would never see my child again. I think forfeited her right to see your daughter.

    If you choose to involve her in your children's lives I think you are a very kind person.... and I also don't believe you would "cut her out" - for your children's sake.

    but I consider what she did - under the circumstances - to be unforgivable.



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    OP after reading the further background you have now supplied, I agree she is emotionally abusing you. It's not fair or right and you don't deserve that. Stand up for yourself!

    However unless she also treats your kids this way, I still don't think it's right to cut her from their lives. Not for her sake, but for theirs.

    I am curious though - if you were so concerned for your DD's safety that night (and righty so), why didn't you go and pick her up?? You were told several times by SIL that MIL was outright lying and not removing the pillow - I would have gone straight over and collected them, particularly with your DD risk. I would never want to leave my children in a situation I thought was dangerous IYKWIM.

    I'm certainly not trying to make you feel bad, you've asked for our opinions and this is just what I'm wondering. I'm sure with hindsight you are wishing you had!

    Either way I'd never have them stay overnight again or be unsupervised at her place for a long time, if ever. She doesn't deserve that trust anymore.

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    Even without the history (which I believe is reason enough to cut her out of your lives) what she did was unforgivable. DoTF says she explained the safety precautions that were recomended by doctors. That alone should have been enough for the MIL. But she choose to disregard her grandchilds safety and then continually lie about it.
    In these situations my mind always goes to the what if scenarios. What if MIL hadn't posted the photo on FB, what if SIL wasn't home to remove the pillow? The consequences could have been devasting.
    If it were me, her only contact would be in my home with both myself and DP there. She would not be left alone for a second.

    As for her treatment of you, I think your DP needs to tell her that he will not allow his partner to be spoken to like that, and if she can't find some respect or learn some manners then she will not be welcome in your family. I'm sorry but I feel watching your mother being treated like that can be far more damaging to a child than not having contact with a noxious weed of a grandmother.

    Good luck DoTF and stay strong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MummyOf2Sweeties View Post
    Wow I can not believe she acts like that and put your babies life at risk. What a nutter. There would be no way ild let any of my children EVER stay the night again. I read your op and was like wtf... Then read some of the responses and was gob smacked at how people are responding, what would they do if it was there child with breathing probs and their mils were ignoring your and the doctors safety requests? I know ild be livid an I prob would of gone an picked them up that night. I'm just shocked at the responses.
    As for putting it on fb, I wouldn't put the q directly but I would I made a snide remark but wouldn't mention names or anything an only if I was so angry
    Huh? Everyone who responded prior to you said there was no way they would ever let their child be babysat by MIL again? Who said anythying about excusing that dangerous behaviour? There is alot in between no letting her babysit and cutting someone out of your life. I too wuold have gone and picked bubs up that night, definitely...infact I personally wouldn't have had a young baby babysat at all overnight but we are all different. No one has excused MIL's terrible behaviour at all.

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    I'd take a few weeks time out. So you can calm down and your mil can reflect on her actions.

    What your mil did was wrong, no excuses. I think your plan of not
    Leaving mil alone with your kids, and having her around your place for tea is a good one. Like kids, your mil would have learned with clear boundaries and firm and consistent consequences (ie, she ignores your wishes then no alone time with the kids).

    However I believe your plan may have been derailed by the Facebook incident. Having your friends involved And openly criticising... When people are attacked and humiliated like that it often causes them to get defensive and attack back... NOT self reflect. As pp said you've opened the door for mil to gather reinforcements and before you know it it's an all out family fued. I'm afraid the damage may be irrepearable.

    I'm afraid that if things are to move forward the focus will now be on you needing to apologise. Not what is needed when the focus should have been on your mil realizing what she did wrong and apologising.

    Good luck.


 

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