Hi, my DH and I have had 3 rounds of ivf. The first ended in a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks, the next too just didn't take. Before the last round we look at info about adoption. We decided this MAY be an option. Our last stim cycle we only got 4 eggs, 3 fertilized and 1 survived to transfer. now is the time to decide what our next step will be. We were told it could take over 2 years to adopt, but if we go with adoption we can no longer do ivf. Has anyone considered adoption? Do you have any advice to help us make our decision?
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
21-06-2012 23:56 #1
Is anyone considering adoption?
23-06-2012 18:05 #2
I have considered what options are there if IVF doesn't work. For me, age is my biggest consideration. As a mature age mum I have a limited window with my own eggs left. I worked out in my own mind what sequence of fertility was acceptable to me.
My fertility sequence that I came up with to suit me:
1) IVF my eggs, his sperm
2) IVF donor egg, his sperm
3) IVF donor egg, donor sperm
4) IVF donor embryo
5) adoption (which would be overseas due to my age) This is my 'Last resort' as I would prefer to start with a baby not a toddler due to the long term impact on the child's emotional development and attachment. My current children would accept this option, but I fear it would be significantly more challenging in many respects.
I value the idea of having my own genetic child, but would not exclude non-genetic options. I plan to use my specialist to guide me. When/if the time comes when it becomes apparent my eggs are not viable then I will move to step 2 and so forth until I fill my dream. I can still adopt until I am 50, so I have another 8.5 years to get from step 1 to step 5.
Questions I considered are:
How important is a genetic child?
Is a donor egg or embryo an option?
How long are you willing to try each stage?
What has the specialist indicated in terms of likely pregnancy?
What issues might arise from adopting an egg, embryo or child?
For you to consider:
Is having a sibling in the future is a realistic possibility? Would a donor embyro/egg make this dream real whilst also having related siblings?
How old are you now? This allows you a timeframe for choosing. Eg if you are 45 perhaps adoption is a better option as you know the money spent will result in a child whereas IVF is less likely to work. OR perhaps you are 30 and have 20 years before adoption options cease and the FS has indicated you have a realistic chance?
I can understand logistically why they say no IVF and adoption listing at the same time- the sheer admin and paper work involved in adoption is massive. But it does seem harsh to me. Most people chasing a family would just think "I don't care HOW, I just want to cover every chance and see what happens first".
I hope my own thought processes give you some food for thought, best of luck.
Last edited by Fortitude; 23-06-2012 at 18:07.
The Following User Says Thank You to Fortitude For This Useful Post:
24-06-2012 10:04 #3
Yes Hubby and I have absolutely considered adoption and permanent care, both locally and internationally. In 2011 we went to all the required information sessions, filled out all the required paper work to then be accepted into a two day information training day .. this was each for local adoption in our state and inter country adoption. After each information session we attended, I would burst into uncontrollable tears ... not at the thought of adoption I would be truly grateful to have an adopted child, but at the horror of how long you have to wait to be blessed with an adoptive child. Overseas you are looking at around the 8 year mark (and most countries now are exclusively special needs programs which was fine with us but goodness, 8 years plus !!!) and locally, the chances of being chosen are just so minimal. In 2011, 9 babies were adopted out within our state ... you work out the maths on that with thousands of couples applying each year . We would of been happy to wait the next decade for our adoptive child to arrive but you have to cease all forms of fertility treatment while you wait and there are no ways around this. Therefore personally for us, after weighing up the waiting time for adoption and the odds of IVF treatment working, for us individually, the odds of us getting a child through IVF were significantly quicker and higher than through adoption. I wish I could offer you more upbeat info on adoption waiting time. After you start going to the information sessions, sadly you will see what I mean. It is completely and utterly heartbreaking !!!
I so with you every success on your journey to motherhood xxx
24-06-2012 10:18 #4
Kyza, we are in a similar boat. Gearing up for the 4th cycle of IVF.
We'd adopt in a heartbeat, any age, any country doesn't faze us. However, from all my research it seems that its at least 8 years waiting or longer, and you have to have ceased all fertility treatment. So we figured we'd keep going with ivf as long as we can and then if we hit a wall, we'll put our name down to adopt, but know it will take a looooong time. Friends of ours adopted about 2 years ago, they are early 40s now, it took them ten years to find a child.
I have heard that doing an ex-pat adoption is much quicker, i.e. live in Switzerland or the US and the apply to adopt.
I wish you all the very best, i hope that you find a child. This can be such a heartbreaking journey.
24-06-2012 23:30 #5
Thanks all of you, it's such a hard decision. It's just such a massive cost for IVF and I'm not sure how long DH and I can keep finding the money for it. When I rang the adoption agency they made it sound as if the wait was only a couple of years, not the 8+ that has been mentioned. Do you know if we're able to go to the info sessions without stopping fertility treatment? Just thought it might be a good idea to know a little more about the process etc but I'm not sure I'm ready to stop fertility treatment
25-06-2012 12:56 #6
Yes you can go to the info sessions ... They run them a handful of times each year for both local adoption and inter country. After the info session you receive a pack of forms to fill in ... It's then where you have to disclose your medical details to proceed onto the training days. We worked out that inter country adoption is sadly just as costly as IVF, if not more I so hope you are given a more optimistic picture than we were given here in Melbourne
25-06-2012 13:01 #7
From people we know, inter country adoption is around $30-$50k at least, possible more. So although IVF is expensive, sadly it’s probably more (depending on how many cycles you do).
22-08-2012 22:13 #8
Re: Is anyone considering adoption?
Hi Kyza. Just wondering how the adoption decision is coming along for you? Have you made a decision to go ahead?
I am starting the ball rolling in this direction myself and interested to hear other peoples stories.
23-08-2012 02:01 #9
Is anyone considering adoption?
Hi, we decided to have another attempt at ivf, however our results haven't been great, we still have 1 Frostie so may use that first then turn to adoption.
Cryosite Family Cord Blood & Tissue BankCryosite has been providing Cord Blood Banking services for over 14 years, and is the trusted choice of Australian ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
ConfusedConception & Fertility General Chat
Situations - ok or not ok?General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Would you delay TTC because first child is starting first year of school.General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
IVF babies due March/April/May 2017#2pregnancy and babies through IVF
What are our chances??pregnancy and babies through IVF
Miracle March TTC and Testing ChatConception & Fertility General Chat