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  1. #1
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    Default Gender Dissapointment

    During my whole pregnancy everyone has been telling me i am having a boy. I got the ring test thing done by my mother in law a few times and she swore it was a boy. My GP told me it was a boy. Friends and family had all guessed it was a boy.
    I didn't really care about all the guessing - boy or girl I would be happy either way.

    My mother in law, who was dead set convinced I was having a boy, bought me a bunch of things in blue even before knowing the gender. She was that sure of her guess..

    So when we found out I was having a little girl my heart leaped with excitement. I finally knew a bit more about my baby and I could start buying things that were pink and girly and cute.

    My husband did not flinch with the news and once we were home he said he was disappointed. He didn't realise how excited he was about the possibility of having a little boy and he was not happy in the least for having a girl... and he felt horrible for feeling that way.
    My heart sank... I've been celebrating on my own buying pink and purple stuff and looking at girl themes for the nursery but he doesn't want to get involved in any of it. He has no interest in my pregnancy now and whenever he tries to show excitement I can tell he really isn't happy. Like he'll say something about having a girl and you can just see in his eyes that he isn't as happy as he was before.

    I don't know how to cope with this. I haven't even been able to announce to everyone on Facebook about having a little girl (I know thats dumb but I want to tell the world!) - he doesn't want me to tell people yet.
    I can't look at baby stuff with my husband because he is not excited about this anymore.. he realises its dumb, he told me he was being stupid and shouldn't react like this but he can't help but feel sad because he was looking forward to having a boy.
    He says I can't relate to dolls and my little pony and pink stuff - I fell more like an outsider now (keep in mind he does realise he is being silly but those are his feelings..)

    I don't know how to get him excited about having a baby girl..
    I feel like i'm all alone celebrating my happiness when both of us should be happy about the gender.

  2. #2
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    Maybe just give him time to get used to it....meanwhile enjoy ..GIRLS ROCK!!!!!!

    good luck!!

  3. #3
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    give him time and support.

    I was not thrilled about having a girl (heart set on a boy) but, after a few weeks, i started getting excited.

    Send him off shopping...tell him he needs to buy something pink...anything for the baby. Let him spend some time looking about.

    Does he have a fave sport or team? Jump on their website and get some girlie baby rompers or clothes with their logo etc Show him that he can still play those sports with a girl too

  4. #4
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    or, if he a computer geek like my dh is....go to thinkgeek.com and get some geeky goodness for him

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  6. #5
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    Oh goodness that is sad. Any reason he isn't thrilled with having a girl and specifically wanted a boy?

    We have 2 boys and are scheduled to proceed with trying for a third very soon. Dh was anxious to have a girl and we contemplated doing sex selection but our boys are so great, he is now content with trying the usual ivf and what will be will be. We would be quite happy if we have another boy. Having a girl is no longer of high importance. As long as bub is healthy.

  7. #6
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    This is sad but doesn't make him a bad person or dad ... It sounds like he is really trying.
    But just a reminder ... Girls dont have to only wear pink and purple!! What about some overalls?? And what about ignoring the clothes aspect ... Go shopping for a pram, car seats etc

    My brother is one of those blokes bloke ... His first born is a daughter (altho he was never disappointed in having a girl) but she is nearly 9 ... She goes camping, 4wding, she works in the garage with him, rides bikes, kicks the footy, works in the garden, rides her bike, Scootet and you should see her on a skateboard!!!!! She also does all the Girly stuff dancing, fashion etc.

    Maybe talk to him and tell him that having a little girl doesn't mean she will be a prissy princess girls like rough and tumble too

    It's also amazing what men learn to do with daughters ... My bro is awesome at doing hair and I caught hubby on the weekend painting our 2yo nails

    As for nursery themes ... Rather than going pink pink and pink what about some more gender neutral colours?/

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  9. #7
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    Oh Hun hugs to you and DH, once she is here he will be besotted with her, my DSD is the apple of DH eyes and she adores him just the same, she would follow him no matter what they were doing. I think sometimes when people are guessing genders etc it can go over the top, it was the opposite for us, I had SIL push it down my throat that DS was going to be a girl (we didn't find out the gender) to the point where I ended up having a go at her and I already knew in my heart I was having a boy.

    Give him some time Hun but don't stop your excitement.

  10. #8
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    Oh that is soo sad. I must admit when I was pregnant with DS everyone said I was having a girl...same thing old wives tales, my shape...the ultrasound tech said she could not be sure but was pretty sure it was a girl.

    We had picked out the name and I imagined all the wonderful things I was going to do with a little girl, dancing, dolls etc. At 30 weeks I had an ultrasound and there clear as day...was a wang.

    I truly was so disappointed - it almost felt like I lost my little girl ( I know that sounds terrible but like your hubby I could not help it) Try to go easy on him. It sounds like you are trying to understand which is awesome - just try to go easy on the girl stuff (I know its unfair) and I know he will come around by the tie he is holding his little girl in his arms... maybe just tell your mu or something so you have someone to go on about the girly things you can enjoy.

  11. #9
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    We didn't find out the sex when I was pregnant with DD. DP was beside himself thinking if boys names, boys things to buy etc. he was dead set convinced we were having a boy.

    To the point that I was scared if we had a girl, he would break down and close off.

    When DD was born, DP was the first to hold her... He cried and I could see the love he had for our baby girl. He was so happy and in love at that moment it didn't matter. Then he saw we had a girl and cried telling me that he has his very own princess.

    She is THE biggest daddy's girl ever and he wouldn't change a thing. So much that when I was pregnant with DS, he was hoping for another girl. Lol

    I know it's not exactly the same, but I'm sure your DH will see her for the first time and fall in love. Just give him time to re-adjust. Especially after everyone telling you that you woulddefinately have a boy.

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  13. #10
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    My sister went through the same thing so she bought her hubby a little jumpsuit that said 'daddy's my main man' or something. It made him realise how important he was to the baby.

    And like a pp said, she is the most Tom-boy ish girl ever and he adores her!


 

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