Also, your DH has valid points as a PP said it's his DD too and he should be able to have an input! Good luck anyhow x
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20-06-2012 16:06 #41Senior Member
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20-06-2012 16:15 #42
I'm with you on this. If your Dd has a special bond with your mum (I know this too well as my DD also has a very tight bind with my mum) I see no problem in taking her with you and baby. Yes she can help with the baby and she can also be there to spend time with her nan/grandma.
In saying this, if you do go to see your mum at any other time, you will have to leave DD at home an take one of the younger kids with you and baby. It will have to stay fair all round. I also see this as a good plan as you are 1) being fair and 2) giving all your kids an opportunity to see their grandparents while budgeting at the same time (airfares spread out rather than a lump sum)
There's nothing wrong with missing a week of school at 7yrs Of age (or any age unless it was yr 12 IMO)
Hope you can work something out!
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20-06-2012 16:17 #43
I'm going to go against the grain here and say I agree with you!
Your older DD is old enough to understand the situation, she's not going to want to play and mess around like the younger 2 might. Plus she can help out with the baby if you need to be on hand for your mum. A week away from school isn't going to put her too far behind.
I recently took my middle DD with me for a week to stay with my in-laws while I went to a conference. The other children understood that it was her turn and that next time she may have to stay home while I take another child with me. It is good for them to learn that they can't do everything all the time and sometimes we have to take turns.
It was lovely for me to have some 1:1 time with DD2 as we are usually all together as a family, she really enjoyed the attention and it was nice to be able to sit and eat lunch with just her.
My advice is go for it! Hopefully your DH will come round without too much hassle!
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20-06-2012 16:18 #44Senior Member
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- Sep 2008
I agree 100% with your husband.
To those who have said they have travelled with 2 or more children, sorry but this is very different to a holiday.
What if something were to go wrong or your Mum had to be rushed back to hospital. Is that something you would be comfortable with your daughter witnessing? Obviously not that likely and I don't mean to sound negative but I personally wouldn't.
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20-06-2012 16:39 #45
If I was in your position and my mum said bring DD then she would know what to expect and DD would be coming with me!
It's your mum's operation and if they have a special bond then take her. She might be a big help! If not take her round to play with her cousins during the day.
20-06-2012 16:48 #46
Sorry can't reply individually I'm on my ph
Regarding the fare $ it is a factor overall but mum has offered to pay for dd so not really part of the issue here.
I just had a good chat with dd's teacher & while the official school line is against missing school, her personal opinion was that it would be totally ok. She's offered to supply curriculum info and reading for that week, pointed out the opportunities for learning that would pop up (airport -time zones, maths etc).
In terms if the age if the kids dd is 6 turning 7, ds is a rowdy 5 turning 6 and dd is a full on 3 yo. I wouldn't dream of taking the younger kids into that space. My eldest though- quiet, bookish, helpful- no problem.
I'm looking at week three of mums recovery. She is nervous and scared and very apprehensive about her recovery. My dad will be there but he is...let's say...not very hands on or practical lol.
20-06-2012 16:58 #47Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
I am with the minority that agree with the OP.
And it would be great if her DH could try and do something special with the other two whilst they were away.
20-06-2012 17:34 #48Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
OP. I agree with your husband, only because MY mum had open heart surgery the WEEK I graduated from high school and I've seen what impact kids CAN have on recovery.
So basically my story is Mum got out of Hospital THE NIGHT of my graduation so I didn't go out partying. I came home with my parents to help dad get her into bed. She then sent me to schools like I had planned... I didn't mind as my Godmother came to take care of her while I was gone.
She came ALONE and did NOTHING but whatever mum and my two younger brothers and dad needed. Things like washing, cooking, driving boys to school, fluffing pillows, driving mum to doctor's appointments AND helping my mum get into the shower!
I came back, then my other aunt with two kids under 5 came up. Now mum loves these kids. absolutely loves them... But my Aunt stressed my mother out totally which was the worst thing for her. She was trying to be helpful but she spent so much time chasing after her almost 2 year old and 4 year old that my mum was RELIEVED when she left. Mum couldn't rest while they were there.
All I'm saying is that your mother needs a HUGE amount of care when she's OUT of hospital. IN hospital the visits with the grandkids are great because the nurses take care of your mum and she gets to see the kids to cheer her up, but when she's out of hospital she needs to have her feet up, sitting up in bed and needs YOU at her beckon call. She needs peace and to see the kids in short bursts. Not "All day" every day. She honestly will NOT have the energy for it. My mum couldn't even put up with my 12 year old little brother once he was on holidays so I was driving him around dropping him off to mates to play and stuff. (Even though he was only trying to help... He'd make her coffee, bring her the paper etc... but it was just too much for mum)
I'm NOT kidding. She won't be able to yell out over a TV because her lung function will also be impaired... She will be weak, need to sleep etc. She won't be able to do much at all.
unless your youngest is breastfeeding, I'd be inclined to leave them at home with DH as well.
I do think you going up to help will be a great help to your mother, just leave your oldest daughter at home. If not for your mum then for her, She WILL get bored, she MAY become noisy and Grandma cannot provide the love and entertainment she usually would.
Hope your mother pulls through the surgery okay.
20-06-2012 17:43 #49
My mum too had open heart surgery and let me tell you, she needed as much distraction as she could get. I went to visit her very regularly and my ex DP was really annoyed at me but as I told him, it's about doing what I need to do to get mum and me through this ok. If she is happy to have your DD there and you are confident in your DD's ability to behave then by all means take her. The first week of term is never that big a deal and maybe the teacher can give you some of the work they will be doing so that ur DD can keep occupied.
Your mum does need help and support but children can be an amazing and useful distraction to lift the spirits as well.
20-06-2012 18:00 #50
I agree with you, OP. When my nan had open heart surgery, distraction from the grandkids helped her so much. We did quiet activities, like jigsaw puzzles, drawing, watching movies together etc. which aren't things the younger kids may have the attention span or interest in.
I think if your mum wants DD there, she probably knows and has confidence in DDs ability to behave and adapt as well. Also, week three of recovery is totally different to week 1. Your mum will probably want the distraction then more than ever!
As long as you get DH onboard and prepared to make it an exciting week for the other 2 and do make sure you have some separate 1:1 time with them when you get back - I think it'll be fine.
Hope you come to an agreement
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