I'm not a single parent as I have a new partner but I'm still having to go through a parenting plan with xh as he is the kids father.
I'm going to a review tomorrow, xh has been having dd and ds every second weekend and then on my weekend he has them every saturday morning. Now that I'm working full time I want him to stop seeing dd and ds on my weekend.
He also has them for either half of every holidays or every weekend during the holidays but that is going to have to change too.
So my question is this, do you think I'm being unreasonable wanting my weekends with dd and ds back because I have them during the week ?
I just know hes going to loose it, he chucks tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.
He'll threaten to take me to court I just know it, has anyone been through the court system ? I'm terrified of loosing my kids which is silly I know.
Just for the record dd who is 9 doesnt want to go to her dads and I think if she stopped going ds wouldn't want to go either.
If you got this far thanks for reading.
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20-06-2012 10:36 #1
Parenting plan review
20-06-2012 10:42 #2
First things first - you won't lose your kids unless you have severe drug and alcohol issues or the kids are being abused etc etc.
I don't think you're being unreasonable asking for your weekends to just be your weekends.
Have you considered offering him an afternoon through the week? Say from after school until 7pm on the Thursday of the off week?
I would go through mediation so you have a third party there to try and keep things calm.
I think it's unreasonable of him to expect you to give up half of your Saturday with them.
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Stiflers Mom (20-06-2012)
20-06-2012 10:44 #3
I am in the same situation as you.... re partnered etc etc
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
Our court orders are every second weekend they go to their Dad's and he then has them for half every holidays, Father's Day and his birthday if it falls on a weekend. In regards to their birthday's it is alternated. The girls also talk to their Dad two evenings a week.
I have been through the court system (at the end of it) this is the second lot of consent orders.
Just so you know if it is a parenting plan it is not enforceable by the courts. You can and in my opinion SHOULD get any parenting plan made into consent orders so that they are enforceable by the courts.
You do have to be seen to be actively promoting a relationship between the children and the other parent.
You could put what you want in an application for consent orders (to court) with what you want and see what he responds with. He may be all talk and then just sign them and you don't actually have to go through the court process as it will be stamped off (if the court deems the orders to be in the best interest of the child).
Try and do it amicably though. If it goes through to a hearing etc etc it gets really really expensive!
Get some legal advice! You can get some free legal advice through community legal centres (I would do this before you go to mediation).
20-06-2012 10:47 #4
My ex kicked up a stink about me having them during the week, every week also. But while in the mediation room, the mediator explained that this time isnt really classed as 'quality' time with the children as you get home from work, are cooking dinner, eating dinner, bathing then bed etc. I wouldnt discuss any of your 'wants' about the PP until you are both infront of a mediator who can difuse the situation.
My DS is goes to ExMILs every friday (so he sees his father in the arvo) and to his fathers every second weekend. If he really really thought me having him through the week was unfair i would have suggest Thursday night but he caved pretty easy and that was that.
ETA - As DS isnt school aged we just split the christmas / newyear holidays and alternate. ALso, we alternate who has him on his birthday every year. Mothers day and my birthday with me, regardless of whos weekend it is and the same for the father
20-06-2012 10:58 #5
Thanks for the input guys
This is our third pp review.
Xh isn't in a position to have dd and ds during the week due to his work.
I'm by no means trying to stop him seeing our children but I would like to spend some quality time with them too.
He calls them most nights to talk to them. I really dont want to go through the courts if I can help it because honestly I just can't afford it.
He also gets them for fathers day and we share christmas day (i have them in the morning and he has them from around 10 am till 5pm and then brings them home).
I also have issues with how he looks after dd and ds when he has them but I guess theres not much I can do about that.
20-06-2012 11:04 #6
If he really wanted to spend time with them, he could make the adjustment with work - it's one afternoon a fortnight that he would finish early.
I would definitely go to mediation and have them made into consent orders.
20-06-2012 12:07 #7
20-06-2012 12:17 #8
You need to stop that Hun. If it doesn't suit the kids, then it shouldn't happen. Unfortunately they're not old enough yet to have their wishes taken into account but you can be an advocate for what's in their best interests.
Organise mediation, then he can't railroad you. Explain that you're not trying to restrict his time with them, just change the day it happens. The mediator should try and make him see its about the kids, not him.
20-06-2012 12:20 #9
Thanks, we're going through mediation with relationships australia and they're reviewing the pp too.
I think I might just have to put my foot down.
I just wanted opinions on whether I was being unreasonable or not.
20-06-2012 12:33 #10
You're definitely not being unreasonable hun. You deserve quality time with them too.
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