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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmyB View Post
    I was actually really angry when I read that article. How nice it must be for her to deem that an issue which is hugely important to some people really shouldn't be. Just because her births are not important to her (which I find VERY hard to believe, I suspect there's more to that than meets the eye) how dare she declare that other women should be just as care-free about theirs.

    Why don't we find an issue that SHE is passionate about and say its stupid and pointless.

    Normally I agree with her columns but I was absolutely disgusted with today's, and the accompanying illustration. How dare they.

    Edit: I am talking about the whole "healthy babies should be enough" thing, not the pressure she felt from birth-group-advocate type people.
    I agree.
    I find the whole "well you have one healthy baby" comments really dismissive of my experience.
    Yeah, on the positive side I have one "healthy" baby (who was tube fed, FTT, and has Erbs palsy)
    I did however have one baby die, my uterus fall out, have permanent pelvic damage, was cut and tore horribly, was resuscitated after bleeding out, and spent 1 total of 2 months in hospital.
    So yeah, the birth was a pretty important life event for me.
    And this upcoming birth will be too, regardless of my first experiences.

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  3. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I just want to clarify. I really do understand trauma around birth circumstances such as CS under GA, baby being taken to NICU or SCN, having to leave your child in hospital, or where serious complications are the result.
    What about people who are emotionally traumatized?

    I had flash backs to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child during my first birth it left me detached from the experience I felt dirty and disgusting after my son was born I felt like he had raped me I didn't love him I didn't care at all it took me 6 weeks to *begin* to bond with him I suffered PND for months after I cant remember the first 6 months of his life i still get depressed thinking about his birth and those months thinking about everything we both missed out on.

    Do I qualify for your understanding? Or maybe my trauma is all in my head and I should of put huge arrows on my hospital file that said "sexual abuse survivor". Because that's how I feel when people feel the need to tell women why they should and shouldn't feel it tells me that it was my fault I shouldn't of wanted to be incontrol I shouldnt of had such high expectations I should of had control over my psychological reaction to 7 people staring at my vagina for 1.5hrs. After all I had a healthy baby.

    Okay maybe I shouldnt of come back.

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    I do get what she is trying to do .. its that whole thing where people just seem to identity who they are as how they birthed.. I mean I don't know if people actually exist like that though or if its an online phenomenen. I would find it extremely odd if in real life someone came and shook my hand and said "hi I'm sally. My 8 year old was homebirthed and my 5 year old was freebirthed.".. but I mean women do talk about birth. They always have and they always will. And its an extremely personal experience. Mia says she would be happy if a football stadium of doctors witnessed her give birth.. I get that she is being funny.. but for me.. well I couldn't think of anything worse. I am a victim of sexual abuse and I actually had a midwife instruct my partner to hold me down while she checked my cervix.. it does seriously haunt me. And yes yes I understand that intervention is necessary to save babies lives but was that necessary? No I don't beleive so.

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  6. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thermolicious View Post
    What about people who are emotionally traumatized?

    I had flash backs to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child during my first birth it left me detached from the experience I felt dirty and disgusting after my son was born I felt like he had raped me I didn't love him I didn't care at all it took me 6 weeks to *begin* to bond with him I suffered PND for months after I cant remember the first 6 months of his life i still get depressed thinking about his birth and those months thinking about everything we both missed out on.

    Do I qualify for your understanding? Or maybe my trauma is all in my head and I should of put huge arrows on my hospital file that said "sexual abuse survivor". Because that's how I feel when people feel the need to tell women why they should and shouldn't feel it tells me that it was my fault I shouldn't of wanted to be incontrol I shouldnt of had such high expectations I should of had control over my psychological reaction to 7 people staring at my vagina for 1.5hrs. After all I had a healthy baby.

    Okay maybe I shouldnt of come back.
    Much love to you.

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  8. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by bumMum View Post
    I do get what she is trying to do .. its that whole thing where people just seem to identity who they are as how they birthed.. I mean I don't know if people actually exist like that though or if its an online phenomenen. I would find it extremely odd if in real life someone came and shook my hand and said "hi I'm sally. My 8 year old was homebirthed and my 5 year old was freebirthed.".. but I mean women do talk about birth. They always have and they always will. And its an extremely personal experience. Mia says she would be happy if a football stadium of doctors witnessed her give birth.. I get that she is being funny.. but for me.. well I couldn't think of anything worse. I am a victim of sexual abuse and I actually had a midwife instruct my partner to hold me down while she checked my cervix.. it does seriously haunt me. And yes yes I understand that intervention is necessary to save babies lives but was that necessary? No I don't beleive so.

    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub


    Sorry BO if it sounds like I'm attacking you I'm not!

    I get what she is trying I say and I never bring up how my children were born people ask I'll tell them but it's not something I go around bragging about

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  10. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thermolicious View Post
    What about people who are emotionally traumatized?

    I had flash backs to the sexual abuse I experienced as a child during my first birth it left me detached from the experience I felt dirty and disgusting after my son was born I felt like he had raped me I didn't love him I didn't care at all it took me 6 weeks to *begin* to bond with him I suffered PND for months after I cant remember the first 6 months of his life i still get depressed thinking about his birth and those months thinking about everything we both missed out on.

    Do I qualify for your understanding? Or maybe my trauma is all in my head and I should of put huge arrows on my hospital file that said "sexual abuse survivor". Because that's how I feel when people feel the need to tell women why they should and shouldn't feel it tells me that it was my fault I shouldn't of wanted to be incontrol I shouldnt of had such high expectations I should of had control over my psychological reaction to 7 people staring at my vagina for 1.5hrs. After all I had a healthy baby.

    Okay maybe I shouldnt of come back.
    Hugs. I really understand.

    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub

  11. #47
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    Oh thermo huge hugs xxx

    I had a doctor check me for tears after ds2 was born by inserting her finger and run it around my vulva even though at the time i was trying to feec my baby and vocalizing "no! You're hurting me!" ds was born before we got to the hospital, i wish we had of stayed home.

  12. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumma inky View Post
    Oh thermo huge hugs xxx

    I had a doctor check me for tears after ds2 was born by inserting her finger and run it around my vulva even though at the time i was trying to feec my baby and vocalizing "no! You're hurting me!" ds was born before we got to the hospital, i wish we had of stayed home.
    I wish I stayed home the first time

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    Did you guys even read the article??? She wasn't talking about birth trauma, she was talking about the " I had a lotus birth and it was so magical" type people who put down all the other ways of birthing because it wasn't natural! That is what she is saying, she isn't talking about birthing that went badly

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    "But in the maddening world of competitive mothering, some women see their birth experience as a platform for smugness and superiority. A badge of maternal honour.
    "

    This - this is what she is talking about, not birth trauma, its is the smugness that some women have regarding the way they gave birth and talk about it to those of us who haven't had that kind of experience. I have heard it a million times on the hub. At the end of the day - I don't think anyone is better, special, important because they had a wonderful birth. I am glad they had the birth they wanted, but it doesn't mean that I am somehow less because mine have all been crap.

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