Hey ladies, I'm going through the same thing. I have a 2 year old daughter and am now 22 weeks pregnant with our second bub (same father). We've always had a volatile relationship and this time, in the early stages of pregnancy I found out he was having an affair spanning over a few years. On top of this, he was quite abusive and used to kick my daughter and I out of the family home on many occasions where I would always beg him to let us stay. I couldn't take it anymore and have decided that it's best for our children, to go this alone (he was extremely angry that I am pregnant anyway). My daughter and I have now moved back to Adelaide to be with my family but it's such a hard and emotional time as I always imagined having the perfect little family scenario. Do you guys have so many mixed emotions about this all? I'm trying to stay as strong as I can for my kids and I and so grateful I have such a fantastic supportive family x
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05-08-2012 10:38 #11Junior Member
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- Aug 2012
05-08-2012 13:09 #12
Hon even planned pregnancies (as ours was) can end up in separation during pregnancy. You're not alone, there's plenty of us and although each situation is different, 2 years down the track and one incredible toddler, I wouldn't have it any other way and am so happy (and single ).
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Stiflers Mom (05-08-2012)
05-08-2012 13:19 #13
I was single from the beginning..fling...ugh, and now DD is 4. We work together, even though I really can't stand him as a man or a human being, he does a pretty good half arsed impersonation of being a good Dad.
It is a rough road, I won't lie..but you just get on with it. The worst part is the pregnancy, I was so hormonal and all over the place, and cried lots and lots and lots.
05-08-2012 13:27 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
- Launceston, Tasmania
Ahh the emotional roller coaster - don't you just love it NOT!!
The ups and downs do make you appreciate life more I think..... I wouldn't change a thing though not even my relationship with dd1 deadbeat dad. He's not violent or abusive to us and for that I'm thankful he's just indifferent which I do struggle with at times but I know we are better off as a single person family.
I have just added to our little clan dd2 was born on the 9th July and while we are having a few issues and are in hospital for the time being. I can honestly say as stressed as I've been the last few weeks it's also the happiest I've ever been. I love my girls to bits. Being in hospital gives you lots of time to think and I have decided that with the help of my fabulous donor we might go back and try again for bubba no 3 next year.
Your life will be what you make it and your baby will be happy if you are
05-08-2012 13:52 #15-
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
Been single from 9 weeks pregnancy when FOB became very violent. We too, were under the impression that I was sterile as I had chemo therapy before and my ex fiance and I tried for 2 years and nothing happened. It ruined our relationship so we went out separate ways.
So when I bumped into FOB, he decided that birth control wasn't necessary as it was making me super feral.
I stopped the pill and it only took 3 weeks before I was pregnant. He already had 3 kids and didn't want any more. So his initial reaction was "abortion".
Yet after a few days he got more excited and hoping it was a girl.
Unfortunately a week after finding out, he lost his marbles and put me into hospital. I miscarried a twin that night.
The next few weeks were terrible. Shall I? Can I? Will I? Maybe.....Maybe not.....
In the end I decided to keep bubs and not to go after FOB and force him on the birth certificate. It was the best decision I have made. Had I forced him to do a DNA test and get him on the birth certificate, he could make my life a 100 times more difficult.
If I wanted a passport for DS and take him overseas for a holiday, he can say no. If I wanted to move interstate, he can say no. If a future husband wants to adopt him as his own, he can say no.
Not because he cares about DS, but because he knows it would make my life so much harder.
That $10,- a week is not worth the extra stress. He has NO say whatsoever when it comes to DS.
Though his father and I have not spoken since I was 9 weeks pregnant. I only spoke to his mother once to ask about a particular condition that might/might not be running in their family.
This was over a year ago and I have no intention to contact that side of the family ever again.
If you have support from family and friends, I would suggest you keep going. There is so much support available in the community, for single mothers these days.
I joined a pregnancy group for disadvantaged mothers, via Uniting Care Burnside. It's for teenage girls, single mums, addicts, etc.
Even though I didn't quite belong there and had nothing in common with the other ladies, I automatically got enrolled into their playgroups after DS was born.
I now am a mentor there and help mums who are disadvantaged, to get the right help and support they need throughout several community services.
I have made a few really good mummy friends when going to parks and playgrounds, too.
Trust me, you will get there in the end. Your mothers instinct kicks in and it will make you find ways to cope.
Oh and I did take DS to Europe last year and introduce him to our family. Getting a passport was easy peasy without having his father on the certificate
05-08-2012 14:03 #16
I did it alone from about 28 weeks pregnant. Best thing I ever did. DS is two now and we don't speak to any of "the other side".
I have no regrets. Things turned out perfectly.
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05-08-2012 15:27 #17
I also did out alone from 28 weeks until ds was 3. It's hard at first but we women are strong when we have a bub to think about. Just make sure you are happy and bub wil be to.
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06-08-2012 08:09 #18Junior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
Ladies, thank you sooo much for your kind words and support. It really does help a lot to hear of other women's stories and how you all pulled through and were better off for it. I agree, that the actual pregnancy itself is probably the hardest part emotionally (plus, the fact I can't even have a wine lol).
I am sure we will get there and be happy in the long run. It's only been a matter of weeks since we separated so I'm hoping this is just normal emotions to go through at this stage.
Are any of you guys in Adelaide by any chance? I have actually been trying to find support groups here but have only come across ones for homeless people, addicts etc and I don't fall into any of those categories....
06-08-2012 09:27 #19
I am the same. Just thinking about all the love I have to give my beautiful little girl
At the end of the day, FOB will be the one regretting this on his death bed! And at that point there won't be anything he can do about it.
I wish I had some local ladies to lean on to, but in lieu of that I'm overjoyed that there are so many supportive women out there in Bub land!!
Thank you x
06-08-2012 09:50 #20
I left my partner when I was 3 months pregnant. It's a long **** story but if you heard it you would know why it was important for bub and I to get away. DS is now 16 months and I got through it by having an awesome family!
I don't know what it's like to have a father around during pregnancy and birth but I sure as hell crave it. I suppose it's "ideal" in some ways - everything to do with bub is your choice alone (religion, schools etc) but I just can't get my head around how some guys KNOW that there is a woman having THEIR child and they still have a zero care factor. I don't even think I could donate an egg of mine without worrying about how that baby will be treated/brought up.
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