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  1. #41
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    bigred, all my abuse happened/ started when i was asleep.

  2. #42
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    Fair enough, sorry about your experience.

    However, abuse normally is done by someone you know, not a babysitter at an exclusive hotel.

  3. #43
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    Ishty I've come to this after the fact but read the whole thread with great interest. DH and I went away to a rural hotel in Victoria for a long weekend with the girls a few years ago and we had a babysitter for one night while we went out to dinner at the hotel. She was a young girl (daughter of one of the staff). DD2 was asleep and DD1 sat up with her and did her hair and nails for an hour then went to sleep. It was fine and DH and I had a great night.

    Neither DH nor I have been the victim of childhood abuse so we're probably more trusting than those that have been, but I guess I do view the world as pretty safe, and believe most people do not intend to harm my kids. I too loathed daycare centers until I found an incredible place in Melbourne that was far more caring than any nanny I'd employed, and I value them for the social advantages they can give children before they start school.

    I guess all I'm offering is a different view point that sometimes trusting people isn't a mistake. We are raising our kids with no family support so rely on paid help, or without it we have no life.

    I guess it would be different if DD1 wasn't happy with the arrangements (she's almost 7 now so would be able to let me know easily), so I do appreciate it is different in those circumstances. Anyway, I'm glad it worked out. And yes my DH would be disappointed in me if I didn't trust his judgment, but honestly that wouldn't bother me as their mother I trust my instincts very strongly.

  4. #44
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    Glad the night turned out ok. I've never been the victim of an abuse but I would not be comfortable leaving my child alone (without other adults) with a stranger.

    If my hubby tried to pull that $hit on me because he didn't have the balls to say no to his family, I'd rip him a new one.

    I don't buy he view that being in person your hubby can take in all of the factors bd make a better decision based on how the babysitter looks and acts. I mean, pedo's and abusers don't come with green skin and warts all over their face. They look like normal people and are expert at gaining our confidence.

    I keep thinking what would judge Judy say if something went wrong and you ended in court: "you left your child with someone you didn't know, without checking references? That's stupid. You failed in your duty of care, you can't sue the nanny for xyz."

  5. #45
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    Hey Sonja,
    Thanks and I totally get where you are coming from.
    I have such admiration for mums who do not have the anxiety that I do.

    I dont see either choice as right or wrong.

    For me its so much harder...
    I was abused by...( long list)
    Stepdad
    Nanny/babysitter
    cousin
    ex bf
    a stranger that looked normal
    and a foster carer exposed himself to me.


    sooo my trust is just a little haywire. It also fights the whole.."its normal for it to be someone you know..." Normal? WTF.

    I dont want to live in fear and I try so damn hard. I let my kids go on sleepovers, I do get babysitters...

    I do not have any family to help either...

    I just do not get strangers or men..
    yes I know that women that I know , could abuse but I only have my brain and cannot swap it to be logical and accept this.

    Thank you for sharing hwo you feel about it and to be completely honest., I respect and admire you ...I would love to parent without this fear.


  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Ishtyban For This Useful Post:

    Sonja  (17-06-2012)

  7. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ishtyban View Post
    Hey Sonja,
    Thanks and I totally get where you are coming from.
    I have such admiration for mums who do not have the anxiety that I do.

    I dont see either choice as right or wrong.

    For me its so much harder...
    I was abused by...( long list)
    Stepdad
    Nanny/babysitter
    cousin
    ex bf
    a stranger that looked normal
    and a foster carer exposed himself to me.


    sooo my trust is just a little haywire. It also fights the whole.."its normal for it to be someone you know..." Normal? WTF.

    I dont want to live in fear and I try so damn hard. I let my kids go on sleepovers, I do get babysitters...

    I do not have any family to help either...

    I just do not get strangers or men..
    yes I know that women that I know , could abuse but I only have my brain and cannot swap it to be logical and accept this.

    Thank you for sharing hwo you feel about it and to be completely honest., I respect and admire you ...I would love to parent without this fear.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  8. #47
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    Ishty if I'd survived all that I wouldn't be anywhere near as trusting as you. Everything you have said though is out of concern for your DD and isn't an unreasonable way to feel even for those for haven't experienced your history of abuse. All you are doing is protecting your kids - no one could be angry at you for that.

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ishtyban View Post
    sooo my trust is just a little haywire. It also fights the whole.."its normal for it to be someone you know..." Normal? WTF.
    I am sorry for what you have been through, but even from your list of abusers, majority of them were known to you and your family. So it is "normal" for abusers to not be strangers. In fact, 90% of child abuse in Australia is committed by people who are known to families (and 86% in Ireland where males are the perpetrators in 94% of cases)

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to BigRedV For This Useful Post:

    Izy  (18-06-2012)

  11. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I am sorry for what you have been through, but even from your list of abusers, majority of them were known to you and your family. So it is "normal" for abusers to not be strangers. In fact, 90% of child abuse in Australia is committed by people who are known to families (and 86% in Ireland where males are the perpetrators in 94% of cases)
    Can you stop saying this Big Red..I know its how you feel and stats and all that, but its a little insensitive..and the whole "normal" thing is making my skin crawl.
    The Nanny.babysitter that abused me was not someone we knew.

    I get that you know the stats, so do i. They are awesome and wonderful to know, but its not a thread for it. Thanks. I do not mean any offence by this ok?
    I was worried about my child and no number of stats will make it better.
    Last edited by Ishtyban; 18-06-2012 at 07:21.

  12. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Ishtyban For This Useful Post:

    Alphabetsoup  (18-06-2012),Chocolate All Gone Now  (18-06-2012),onionskin  (18-06-2012),Zombie_eyes  (18-06-2012)

  13. #50
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    I didn't mean to be insensitive. Just trying to understand a little.

    I thought you said you were going away for a month and leaving all your children with their grandparents so you and your husband can get away. But then in your op, you say she has only known these people for a week and you're not ok with her being left with a strange hotel babysitter that she didn't know. That's why I discussed statistics, but now I am more aware of your situation, and I am sorry this has happened to you. I won't post in here again.

    Glad it all was ok with your daughter.


 

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