I said to my mother in law when I was waiting to m/c after declining hcg: "its so early (5 weeks) hopefully it won't be too painful". Her response "no it won't, it will be fine". Ummm how do you know that? You have no idea how I will feel when it happens so don't presume you know.
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16-06-2012 19:42 #21
16-06-2012 20:01 #22
The worst one I had was from a doctor. He said "Oh well, it was probably really bad timing anyway. And you've already got one, right?".
The locum that was in a few days later when I went in for a check up was much better. He actually said he was sorry (even though I think I did a pretty good job of shrugging it off in front of everyone) and that he wanted to know how I felt.
I sort of shrugged and said "It happens, nothing I could have done about it I guess".
He said "It is what it is, right?". Which might sound harsh, but he was saying it in agreement with me. I think he knew anything more would have sent me into a tailspin. It was just about the perfect level of sympathy and fact, and he wasn't discounting the experience simply because of the ability to look at a person like simply as a biological function.
I get that some doctors use it as a bit of a shield but the loss of a human life (or even the potential of a human life) should never be 'business as usual' in my books.
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16-06-2012 20:13 #23
I had a lovely nurse and she was looking after me fine and then this other nurse came in, I have no idea what she was there for as I was being looked after already. First thing she says (Note, every single thing she said was in a blunt and rude tone) 'What's happening' and I said that I think I'm miscarrying. 'Oh' and she walks out.....she came back in an hour later and says 'bleed much?' and DH was ready to go her by then I think. She said more but I think I've blocked it all out. We just couldn't believe how insensitive it was. Yes, she probably sees this all day every day but we don't. We were losing our first much wanted and much loved already (YES! at 6.5 weeks...fancy that!) child. It was REAL for us. And it was heartbreaking. I think medical professionals really do forget that they are dealing with real people sometimes.
16-06-2012 20:27 #24
the worst i got was when i lost my baby at 16 weeks...
by my ex best friend
"better now than in 4 weeks when it would have been an actual baby and you would have had to fork out for a funeral for it."
havent spoken to her since.
you only live once...
but if you do it right ~ once is enough.
16-06-2012 20:45 #25
My worst was from my own brother. He was happy to hear I'd had a miscarriage cause now I knew how he felt.
Haven't spoken to him in about 4 years for many reasons including this.
16-06-2012 20:56 #26
My doctor after informing me that I had a blood clot above my baby said this pregnancy isn't going to last and expect to bleed in 3 days. No matter what question I asked that was the answer I kept getting from him. Never happened though and I had to take misoprostol tablets to help me miscarry. Then after returning to work my make boss had me in his office for 45 mins wanting to know what happened in detail and then said if I was more positive these things wouldn't happen and that maybe it was God's way of telling me I shouldn't be a mother and to concentrate on my career. I can't even look at him anymore
16-06-2012 22:09 #27
I honestly cannot believe some of the really insensitive things that have been said to you! Response is part of the reason why I am keeping our MC to only those who knew I was pregnant in the first place and my counsellor.
My doctor gave me the "there was something wrong with the baby" line and "it's better to find out now" but I think she was coming from the scientific side which I could undertand (having studied genetics at uni). There is something comforting though in knowing that it wasn't something I had done.
I'm dreading telling my mother because she's bound to come out with something rough. On the flip side - my BH birth group have been so wonderful and understanding. I hope that you all don't have to go through that ever again
16-06-2012 22:53 #28
I had a rude nurse taking bloods when we were trying after 3 early recurrent miscarriages. She asked me why I was seeing a fertility dr and I told her I'd had 3 in 7 months and she shaked her head and said "you're supposed to wait 6 months after having one to start trying otherwise this will happen".
Excuse me lady.. so rude.
16-06-2012 23:50 #29
Yeah, gotta love the old "well at least u know you can get pregnant." This was my first time being pregnant so clearly I'm not that good at it. I have 100% fail rate so far so knowing I can get pregnant is no good unless I actually manage to carry it to term and have a live baby.
Hugs ladies, the things you have had to go through at the mouths of thoughtless people is just horrible.
17-06-2012 06:42 #30
The DOCTOR said 'oh, it's probably just your period and you probably weren't pregnant'.
So my body just produced hcg for fun then???
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