It's not exactly the same, but DF works night shift, then sleeps til midday, then back at work at 2pm. He works more than he gets time off. I can't just call him when I need him, he works in public and it's not a good look for a public officer to be standing there on his phone. I can't just ask him to not sleep or wake up earlier than usual because due to the nature of his job, he NEEDS a decent amount of sleep, and TBH I'd rather an alive partner vs a dead one. DD1 went to bed sad tonight, because she misses her daddy, and didn't even get to see/talk to him today. I miss him, too, a lot
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14-06-2012 22:11 #11-
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- Nov 2008
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14-06-2012 22:16 #12
I do often think that as well.
We are not defence, but similar in that we are moved regularly, and then DH works away. I often spend one night with my DH in our new house before he flies out and the kids and I are left alone for weeks at a time in a strange city. No family or friends for 1000's of kms. During that time, I'm not a single parent sure, but I sure am a solo parent. If I were a single parent with family and friends and a home base I'm sure I would have far more day to day support then I do in our situation now.
It is not cut and dry, there are so many factors. Such a shame you aren't allowed to feel hard done by in your own situation without being accused of comparing yourself to others or at times expected to put up and shut up because you have extra income.
14-06-2012 22:39 #13Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
I'm hearing you!!!!!!!!!!!!! . I am in the same boat . I am on the count down till he is home yay 3 months to go .
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14-06-2012 23:32 #14
No words just huge hugs
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14-06-2012 23:35 #15-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
I don't know how you do it A! You really are an amazing mummy!
14-06-2012 23:44 #16
I hear you OP, an absent husband/partner, is an absent/husband partner whatever the reason is and it's not easy for all involved.
With your circumstances being posted to places you haven't chosen to live, not having support networks around you, having to start afresh, make new friends, live a transient lifestyle, have your children uprooted from houses, friends and Schools, move into homes that are usually sight unseen, living in high cost localities, or worse un desirable locations, and on top of all of that dealing with deployments where your husband/partner can be away for months and months on end, come home and go again and this isn't just limited to deployments, course can see husbands/partners away for months of end. And then having to deal with children who miss their Dads, whilst you're worrying for their safety, but still having to run the household and tend to the kids, cudos to you and you're very justified to be feeling the way you do.
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15-06-2012 00:57 #17
At the end of the day when u have 3 kids sick with gastro it doesn't matter if your partner is just away at work or your single it still sucks hairy dog balls. At that very moment we are all 'sisters' in the same boat.
I just had a termination do u think my partner could come home for it? Nope. I had to choose between waiting 2 weeks and risk formula feeding DD or doing it without him..I did it without him.
Someone mentioned earlier about them being able to come home well it's just not true (see above). They aren't always able to give emotional support. Our partners work 12 hour shifts and many many of them no where near phones (some of them only get one phone call a week) they work 12 hour shifts that leaves 12 hours to eat, organize 3 meals, do washing, sleep and **** and shower and shave. Doesn't leave much time for phone calls even those provide little comfort when all you need is a hug and someone to hold the baby so you can shower alone for the first time in 2 weeks.
I'm not saying its the same as being a SP which is why I say I solo parent but yeah $$$ ain't buy you nothing at 3am when your kids start vomiting everywhere and your partner only flew out the day before
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15-06-2012 01:00 #18
And yeah the defense families...wow. Worse off than us FIFO partners with 1/2 the pay
(ok yes SP worse off still with 0 of the pay..)
*reinsert my point on kids with gastro*
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15-06-2012 06:14 #19
Me "DH goes out field on Monday, he'll be back in about 6 weeks. They're going tactical so there will be pretty limited contact if at all. And he'll be roughing it, sleeping outside, no shower, toilet is a hole dug in the ground etc."
Friend "Oh I get what you mean, S went away for business one night last week and they put him up in the most awful hotel and his phone reception was so bad we resorted to Skype."
Not the same, not even in the same ballpark.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. We'll survive this trip just like we do every other one, but the time before he goes is always pretty daunting.
15-06-2012 06:31 #20
It's actually comforting to read your words.
DH has been considering switching to the Force for a while; he's a CFO with a CPA but hates doing what he calls meaningless desk work, no matter what it pays. He's spoken to the recruitment officers, and they said he could easily rank up with his qualifications and Reserve experience.
My uncle is a Warrant Officer, he's gone all the time He's here so fleetingly, and spends months and months away with only a rare one-minute call to let us know he's okay. I know he has an important job and I'm so proud of him, but I worry for him. And it's hard not hearing from him for months.
I worry about DH joining as much as I hope he joins. I'm from a military family, all the boys and some of the girls join the Reserves at one point. So I know what is required, I know what I have to sacrifice, but I've never experienced it with my partner, so it feels new to me, and scary.
Even though with studying two hours away he'd often leave at 5:30 am and drag himself in at 11pm 5 days a week...it's going to be different and harder.
Don't worry, I'll be your military-wife friend soon. You can say "Told you so!"
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