Lil Miss - I relate to you completely! I'm hoping by talking about it before and referring to previous example of selfish-unhelpful behaviour helps him to see whats required of him. I said, "It's not like you even have to give birth!"
Good luck with your third! Third times the charm maybe? Lol (kinda)
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14-06-2012 15:12 #11
14-06-2012 15:18 #12
14-06-2012 16:08 #13
100% agree with everything you said to your DH. Good on you for actually being upfront with him first so he knows he needs to step up.
14-06-2012 16:12 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
So let me start by saying, I have never given birth. I honestly have no idea.
However, I have been reading books, internet and youtube
From what I read, it is not fair to expect your support people to be able to endure what you do (staying awake, no food etc) as they are not having the same experience to keep them up, awake and alert (though I understand that the pusher may not feel these either).
So as far as ducking out to eat (or packing snacks for him to eat in room) and napping (in room), should be ok.
I think what you are more concerned about is the lack of support 'vibes' you are getting from him during this time?
Perhaps consulting a doula to be there at the birth too, may help? I have read they are good at getting wife and hubby to connect, as well as taking up slack when hubby needs a break.
From what I have read, I think he needs to learn how to better manage birth, and showing his support to you. I think that would negate the issue of him needing to eat and sleep (in the event of a long birth).
(please don't shoot me down if you REALLY don't agree with this... Just trying to be helpful, though it is nothing from experience).
14-06-2012 16:23 #15
I think you're well within your rights OP.
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14-06-2012 16:31 #16
I agree and im sure he will step up this time!! specially since its the last and a boy lol =].
14-06-2012 16:35 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
You had every right to say that!!!
I wasn't happy about a few things DP did while DS was in the special care nursery so I said to him if you want to be there for the birth this time around you need to stick up for me and do what I want you to other wise I will get my mum to be there for me instead!! He said same as your DH that I couldnt say he couldn't be at the birth... Haha yeh right!! It's my body!!
He had promised me things will be different this time.
14-06-2012 16:37 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Totally agree. In fact I think good on you for opening the discussion of what you need now, and not leaving nit ubtil you're in the throes of childbirth.
My DP complained through my 1st birth, he was tired, he was hungry, his wrist hurt from rubbing my back, the baby was posterior so I was in alot of pain.\
Then he watched the head crown, and the shoulders come out, he quickly decided he didn't have much to complain about.
TBH I think they can put up with being tired & hungry if you need them there the whole time.
14-06-2012 16:43 #19
I understand how you feel. My DH also left the room for some lunch (I was in labour for 24 hours) and promptly went to the car and dozed off! At the time I didn't care or mind I was in the bath sucking as hard as I could on the gas and was quite out of it.However looking back now I realize I really started needing him towards the end of the bathing time as I was hitting transition and that was HELL! So I am very happy you have brought this up because I too am going to speak to DH and tell him that he won't be leaving at all this time. Apart from his time off he was excellent but I need that full time! So I think you ae well within your rights x
14-06-2012 16:55 #20
I should add on top of my PP- my labours were only 7 hours and 2 hours respectively.
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