So him stealing from people in the past is true? What are the other things your bf wanted to tell you about him? If it we're me I'd want to know, if he's admitted to stealing in the past and by coincidence that very night he was alone her money went missing? Alarm bells would be ringing.
Is there any reason they would make it up? That would be very cruel and manipulative.
I guess you know and trust your bf more than this guy that you don't know much about. I wouldn't want to lose a friendship over him, and usually your bf knows whether a guy is right or wrong for their bf (imo) if she's doubtful I'd listen carefully.
So are you willing to believe a guy you just met over your bf who you know and trust and is looking out for you?
In the meantime, see this guy outside the home if you want to pursue it and get to know him for yourself, I'm hoping they're wrong about him and he really is an honest, great guy.
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13-06-2012 12:10 #11Guest Guest
13-06-2012 12:18 #12
Am I the only one who is asking/ questioning why L the best friend bought S to the house as their friend and introduced him to the OP in the first place if they were aware of his 'sketchy' past and don't trust him???
I don't know what really happened I think only S or M know the truth - either he took it or she is lying and setting him up!
But what I do know is that I wouldn't bring a new man into mine and my child's life so quickly and so full on (you've stated he's practically lived with you since coming round for drinks) as if things go pear shaped (as they have!) then your DD is really the person who will suffer the most!!!
You have known M and L for 11 years, S for a few minutes - I know who my loyalties would lie with!
13-06-2012 12:24 #13
WOW that is a complicated situation,
-he could be lying
-she could be lying
-she could be convinced he stole the money when she actually lost it.
It's one of those situations where you have to trust yourself and the ppl around you and weigh up what you think it most likely.
BUT, if he has a history of stealing or being dishonest please don't discount it. Just because he 'earns good money' or buys you presents doesn't mean he isn't a theif. I have a friend who go married to a guy after ignoring all the signs - he was a con artist and scammed her and many ppl out of money - HUGE amount.
All you can be sure of is you don't know either of these ppl 100% and you don't know what the truth it. I would be mindful of my own possessions and alert to the situation until you feel comfortable.
Whatever you do, don't ignore the signs if they are there and don't discount his past because you want to give him a fresh start. We all make mistakes, but given that L and her boyfriend have known S for yrs, you have known L for yrs (and by default M) and you don't know S that well yet, that all counts towards your assesment to.
Godo luck, I really hope he did't do it. I believe everyone should have a chance but at the same time, if the writtings on the wall its on the wall. WE all tried to tell my friend but she wouldn't see the truth - now she has lost her entire wealth of over $700k on this guy and her and her daughter are back living with her parents at age 37.
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13-06-2012 12:32 #14
But wow, it is complicated!
As pp said either one of them are lying or she lost her money while out and just thinks thats when it went missing.
13-06-2012 12:37 #15
What a tough situation indeed. It must be very uncomfortable being stuck in the middle like this.
I would be very wary as his behaviour does seem odd. He only just meets you, and then stays for almost a month and takes over man of the house role. He has a history of stealing. Your friends warn you about him. He's up til 3am and then money goes missing. He gets angry but gives her $100??
On reflection it really does seem suspicious.
I would take things slowly and not jump in too quickly. Get to know this guy properly yourself before having him move back in. Meet some of his own friends and see what their opinion of him is/ what his back story is.
Con men are very good at gaining the trust of people they've just met and making themselves seem indispensable. And they tend to try to speed relationships up so that they are considered a trusted friend after only a very short acquaintance.
Not saying he is bad news, but definitely there are some warning signs. Be careful.
If he's genuinely interested in a relationship and is a keeper, then he'll be willing to let the relationship develop naturally and with you both keeping your own space somewhat. If he pushes for a 'me or them' decision after only having known you a month I'd be backing right off the relationship.
Good luck. I hope that everything turns out to be a misunderstanding.
13-06-2012 12:50 #16
The only thing that sets the alarm bells ringing for me is that M left her bag in the lounge room! Who does that? Has she done that before? Sounds like a very dodgy setup to me. The only other thing that has me miffed is giving his last $100 to give to M. DH and I don't share house with anyone and I always take my bag into the bedroom. I wouldn't leave it under the coffee table .. ever!
13-06-2012 12:58 #17
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13-06-2012 12:59 #18Senior Member
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I mostly find it really odd that your housemate knew what S was like, made sure she counted her money before she went to bed, then left her wallet out in her handbag for anyone/everyone to gain access to, after accusing S of being a thief and such. Makes no sense to me.
Not much of it does, really. Your friends knew he was a thief, etc, and they chose to set you up with him anyway?? Umm.. Nice friends, I guess.
A lot of it is quite suspicious. The giving the $100 dollars I don't find strange, as I'd do the same thing, and have done in the past, but I'd really start questioning your friends on a few things.
13-06-2012 13:08 #19
I'm sorry your going through such a stressful situation..
I'm leaning towards your housemate jumping to conclusions.. But I do have that doubt in me that thinks your new man might have stolen it.
But I'm afraid unless someone owns up it can't be 100% proven!
The reasons I think the housemate is jumping to conclusions or making it up is...
• why would she leave $180 out in the open when in her mind their was an "money thief" in the house.
• how did she know he didn't go to bed until hours after you had?
• why did they set you up with him if he is such a bad person in their eyes?
•In your story there were 2 ways she was going to spend the money.. First it was Daycare and then it was she was at the shops went to pay for something and she had no money for it.. If her side of the story is changing i would be inclined to think she might be lying.
• she said she was going to the police, if it was me I would have just gone to them if I was 100% certain I had not lost or misplaced the money.
You said it was in Cash, the police would want to see a bank statement or some form of evidence that the $180 was taken out of the ATM etc or some record of having that $180 in cash (like an employer paying in cash etc)
I would be asking to see if she ever did take out money or what she has to prove she had $180 on her.
How do we know this $180 ever existed?
• Also why did she back down with the Police threat?
Was it Because S gave her the $$$? he gave her $80 short of what had gone missing.. If I was sure it was him I would want to see every cent and wouldn't back down with police until I got it?!
Maybe she dropped the police threat because she found the cash in the end and doesn't want to admit she was wrong?
She set him up? I don't know.. But I would be questioning WHY she didn't follow through with going to the police!!
• you said she is shocking with money, and that he is a good guy.. Could she have had NO money at all.. And spun this story because she knew he would hand over some $$$.. Maybe that's what's happened in the "past" when money has gone missing and he has been around.. People can be extremely manipulative.. especially if someone is willing to hand out cash and has the money to do so
• from what I can gather she has known him longer than you?
Could she be jealous at all? Maybe she had feelings for him?
• you said she leaves the house in a mess.. The money could be somewhere in the house.
If she treats her living space like that who knows how careful she is with money.
The reasons I think it could be S is..
• he has an apparent history of stealing money according to others.
• he has no alibi for those hours you were in bed.
• He gave her $100, that could be from guilt, and after effect of being caught out, usually when someone is accused of something they didn't do they won't back down at all.
But then again he could be genially nice and gave her the $100 for the reasons you gave.
• You haven't known him long
• "rich or well off people" still steal.. It becomes almost like an addiction and they don't do it because they "Need" the money but more for the "Thrill" of it.
I would be asking your BF what other things she knows about his past.
I wouldn't ask the sister because of obvious reasons, plus I would be more inclined to listen to your friend of 11 years over her sister.
As for S.
You need to make up you own mind of you think he is guilty or not.
If you follow what L and M are saying you will regret leaving him.
If you stay with him and it turns out they were right then you will blame him for loosing your friends.
I think YOU and no ones else should effect your decision.
Last edited by Liddybugs; 13-06-2012 at 13:18.
13-06-2012 13:09 #20Senior Member
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