I have been a member of bub hub for a very long time but have created a new account for privacy reasons...
Im really not sure what this will accomplish, I think I just need to get it out so if anyone does happen to read this I apologise for what may seem like ramblings at times. I have omitted many details and probably left out a lot of crucial information but I have tried. I cannot sleep anymore and seldom eat, this has destroyed me...
On the 31st of May 2012 my world ended, literally crumbled around me, I found out that whilst we were still together my ex and children's father s3xually abused our 8 year old daughter, she would have been 5 or 6 at the time (from what I can desypher from what she has told me). It was a normal Thursday, I was sitting at work when a phone call came in from our local police station. The officer started speaking about things as though I already knew everything that had happened, I did not. From that moment on, everything felt like it was in slow motion, I couldn't hold back the tears nor could I stay at work, so I left. The officer had asked that I bring my daughter in to make a statement as soon as I could so my partner and I went home for a short time before going to pick my daughter up from school. Even at this point I didn't believe it could be true, I think I was in denial. We drove to the address I was given and was asked to wait, I had been told not to say anything to my daughter and as agonizing as that was, I had complied. We were met by two women, one from the police and one from child protection and were moved into an interview room. They spoke to me first and then asked my daughter some basic questions like her name and age etc. then they asked her if her father had ever done anything "strange" and her answer will haunt me until the day I die, he had. What he had done was horrifying and so shocking to me that I couldn't control my emotions anymore. I had tried so hard to keep in all inside but now I had lost it. My daughter was immediately upset by my reaction and thought she had done something wrong, I tried to console her as best I could but inside I was screaming, inside I am still screaming. I had gone into this meeting thinking it couldnt possibly be true and my worst nightmare had suddenly become reality. A man that I shared over 10 years of my life with had done the most unspeakable thing to MY little girl. How could I not have seen it? How could he do something like this? The questions that will probably always remain unanswered continue to circle in my head. The police officer wanted my daughter to now make a video statement but my daughter would not, they tried many avenues to get her to do it but still she would not. I was informed that unless she did the video, they would have no case against my ex so I decided in my own mind to speak openly to my daughter and address any and all of her concerns, which I did the next day. We had long discussions but I never insisted she do it, she eventually decided for herself that it would be a good idea. We waited until the following Monday for an officer to be available to conduct the interview and I was told I could not be present which in a way I was glad as I'm not entirely sure how I would have coped with having to hear the details again. After they had finished I was asked to come in, while my daughter was sent out to my waiting partner, so they could ask me some questions. The questions they asked disgusted me and made me feel uncomfortable and ill but I did what I could to help get my little girl some justice. We were then informed that the police would automatically issue an intervention order to keep myself and my children safe from my ex and that eventually a parenting order would be in place revoking all of his parental rights to my children. The next week passed in a blur, I returned to work and just kept myself as busy as possible because every time I stop/ped I would/do cry hysterically and my mind would race with the most morbid thoughts. We now come to today, I received a phone call from the officer in charge asking me to come in and make my own statement to attempt to clarify dates, times, years because my daughters statement is "cloudy" at best when it comes to when this has supposed to have occurred, to which I think why does it matter WHEN it happened? It HAPPENED, who cares when. This officer has now informed me that my daughter may not see justice at all, that her father will actually get away with what he has done! I am furious. I am sick at the mere thought of that. She also informs me that the police will not be issuing an intervention order and that I will have to apply for one myself to protect my children BUT to wait until they have interviewed him so he has no warning that they are coming. I'm at a loss, I'm confused, I don't understand what has changed and why they won't help my little girl get justice! What is wrong with these people! Just because my daughter cannot be clear on WHEN it happened? She was 5 or 6 at the time! How can that be the hinge that decides whether he is charged or not! The justice/legal system is wrong and makes me sick. I can see why people end up taking the law into their own hands! My daughter deserves justice for what he has done! This was a person she should have been able to trust with her life not fear. Words cannot express what I am feeling and the ones I can verbalise just don't cut it. I'm scared of what may happen if I ever see him again... That scares me most of all.
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11-06-2012 23:37 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
I feel like my world has ended...
11-06-2012 23:42 #2
Oh god! I could not read and not reply... I don't know what to say but HUGE hugs for both your darling daughter and also to yourself xoxox
11-06-2012 23:46 #3
Oh my god. I can't imagine how you feel. I know in your situation I'd think about seeking vengeance myself, but you have to think of your daughter and she needs you around, not in prison.
I think you both need counselling. I'm sorry I have no other advice. Just be there for her.
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11-06-2012 23:50 #4
I don't know what to say but didn't want to read and not post.
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11-06-2012 23:51 #5
I too could not read and leave without replying.
I am so sorry your baby girl went through this. Even more from someone who is supposed to be her lifelong protector.
I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling and all I can offer is Cyber hugs. But they are there. Many of them for you and your little girl.
I hope the police pull their heads in and do something to serve justice.
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11-06-2012 23:52 #6
Oh my God. You poor thing. I'm so sorry you are going through this and I hope you are getting some support to help yourself and your daughter through it. Hugs to you both.
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11-06-2012 23:59 #7
Firstly huge hugs to you and your daughter. The fact that you are supporting her will make her forever grateful, the legal system sucks in these situations, they should be able to tell you why they can't press charges. unless her statement contradicts fact eg, she said dates
She wasn't in his custody. Or he has an alibi I don't know why it can't be pursued.
Please fight for justice for her.
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12-06-2012 00:00 #8
There is no way I could read this and not reply either. I kept trying to put myself in your place and I simply couldn't, its just that horrifying. I guess right now you are in survival mode but that is going to give way to anger of proportions that hurt to think about. You need to get help for your child, this cannot define her, you need to get some help for you because who would know how to deal with this.
How did this come to light? I would be haunting the police and getting legal advice asap, his rights need to be terminated and the children need to be protected from any access.
This is a great place for advice, I hope somebody can give you some better ideas. I will be thinking of you and your beautiful girl, fight for her like a tiger! What a disgusting betrayal from a parent. I hope you have lots of support, lean on your loved and trusted family and friends. Please take care.
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12-06-2012 00:01 #9
As a survivor of this, by many men, I feel that you might want to hear from me.
Your little girl will never get justice, because nothing will ever compensate what he has done,
But more importantly your treatment and reaction is paramount.
The fact that you are completely on her side and are not questioning it is exactly what she needs.
Keeping her safe away from him, always being there when she needs to cry, that is what will help her.
I strongly recommend you get some counselling to figure out how to deal with this, as you too are going through trauma.
I am sending you hugs and hope that you have the support you need. If you have any questions at all please feel free to ask me, I am very at peace now with my rough start to life x
12-06-2012 00:04 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
I am just so sorry. That is just awful. Your poor daughter. And poor you. Try to go easy on yourself. Gbh
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