If I was unsupported and unable too support them, eg financially broke and facing homelessness... But I would move heaven and earth to get them back with me asap
The other scenario I can see is mental illness, just being unable to cope. things would have to be fairly bad before I got to the point of giving them away, and at that point it'd not like you can just flick a switch and say 'ok i'm better now...' You can get all the help and advice in the world but sometimes people are just not ready or able to take it.
Results 101 to 110 of 122
12-06-2012 06:33 #101
12-06-2012 06:48 #102
I also want to add that when I was 11, my mum and dad were very badly injured in a near fatal car accident. I had to go and live with my sister and her husband because my mum and dad were in hospital for a while and then had a long recovery after leaving hospital and they couldn't look after me during that time.
You never know what is going to happen.
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12-06-2012 06:56 #103
I have seen a situation, though, as mentioned earlier. Mum had kids young with an abusive older man. Dad posed a threat to only Mum at the start, but then turned on the kids. She was there to protect them, but if she left there was no guarantee he would always have supervised access. If she had the money and support she would have fled, but without money, transport or anyone to help it just can't always happen. However, if she reported them all to DOCS she got the kids taken off her. If she then left him, same deal, it would go through family court and he could behave himself until he could get unsupervised access then who could protect them? So she stayed, knowing the abuse would continue, in order for him not to have access to the kids until they turn 18. Those who say it would be easy must never have dealt with the legal system, self esteem issues or povert, much less the 3 combined when fearing for the life of children.
There are many who are unable to provide for them because of finances. One family sent the child to live with her god parents at 11 because they were unable to afford a better life. They still sent things from home, saw her on the holidays and kept in touch with letters. She was an only child, but has about 20 cousins. She is the only one without a drug addiction, the only one who went past year 8, the first in the family to work full time and the first to attend uni, with her daughter set to attend uni next year. She loves her parents, thanks them for what they did.
However, in both situations no future kids were produced.
12-06-2012 07:02 #104Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
Things that happen to children stay with them FOR.THE.REST.OF.THEIR.LIVES.
*IF* kids were so resilient;
why are so many adults needing professional help for sh1t that happened when they were kids?
why do so many of us remember really awful things that happened whenwe were kids
why do so many kids in foster care and kinship care suffer RAD?
why do we build confidence and try to be careful of the language we use around kids?
why is raising kids such a minefield?
Kids are not rubber bands,they are like wet concrete - everything you drop on them leaves a mark.
12-06-2012 07:30 #105
It's too depressing to think about. DD is my everything. When I'm feeling sad she makes me happy, when im angry she calms me down.
She is like a natural anti-depressant for me.
12-06-2012 07:50 #106
There's no way I will believe or agree that children will just let things slide.
They might at the time, before they're able to understand what's going on, but I have no doubts that most will end up with some sort of issues as a result of these kinds of decisions. They might be minor or major issues, but issues nonetheless.
I would never be so silly as to believe that just because my daughter has ME in her life (her mother) and has a father figure in DP, that her father abandoning her and starting afresh with a new family isn't going to damage her in future. Of course it will. I can't "make up," for the fact he's a douche, even if I do everything right. Those scars won't disappear just because I'm doing all I can to be a good parent to her.
I just think it's foolish to believe that these kinds of huge decisions have no impact on children.
12-06-2012 08:01 #107Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
12-06-2012 08:08 #108
Nobody is saying it wouldn't impact on the kids, but the fact is, some children ARE better off with someone other than a parent.
If the parents were always the best option, there would be no need for DoCS or other child welfare agencies.
You know, DoCS are always in the news for the wrong reasons, not intervening sooner. Perhaps if some parents had asked for help, then we wouldn't have so many tragedies.
12-06-2012 08:33 #109
Exactly BigRedV. It should always be about what it best for the children and that doesn't automatically mean that is with the mother.
12-06-2012 08:34 #110wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- Under Your Bed
I would only give my children up if their was a safety issue or I could just not look after them fr what ever reason (became injured or suicidal) but I do have family that would help me out when I would need it.
I love my children to death and would never give them up unless what I said before. They are my world.
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