I'm quite happy if they say "no" because it indicates that they weren't pressured by the request.
I was brought up with the concept that, "it never hurts to ask", but if someone always says "yes" then I'll stop asking that person for favours because I will fear that they are someone who feels obliged to help when asked. Conversely, someone that says "no" I'm happy to ask again in future, because they are answering honsestly whether or not they are prepared to help at that time.
My concept is to ask and expect a "no". That way if you get it a "yes" it is a pleasant surprize.
I'm also one that would often be happy to help but reluctant to offer for fear of offending the other party. So I'll ask for help but I'll usually not offer unless someone is in a rather desperate position.
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09-06-2012 12:22 #11Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
09-06-2012 12:23 #12
I guess that's why I suggested just putting it on Facebook as a non-direct question, that way those who want to help can approach you?
I don't feel bad asking my Mum as she'll say if she has something else to do and she enjoys having him and spending time with him. If I had others to ask, I'd probably feel a bit awkward but needs must!
09-06-2012 12:23 #13
I hate asking people for stuff. I'm very independent and always have been but I've asked my parents to look after DD when DH and I went and saw Nitro Circus. She was 10 weeks old and only slept 30 minutes in 6.5 hours for them. So not an easy night for them
I've only ever looked after my friends little girl when they asked. So after me prattling on I guess asking is my advice to
09-06-2012 12:25 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
Yep I asked both my n DH parents to look after our DD for our honeymoon. Both had her for a few days. That was for a week to and they had no issue.
I wouldn't expect anyone to offer so I ask.
Maybe they don't offer as they don't know it would only b the two kids.
But def not selfish u need a break
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09-06-2012 12:28 #15
Nope not selfish at all. I feel your pain lol we have family living here and they NEVER offer to take the kids. One of my SIL's until recently was more than happy for us to take her kids almost all the holidays with lots of sleep overs and having them 2 days straight. They would go out to parties and functions and we again took her kids. But when I asked her to return the favour she was always 'busy'. So I gave up asking and she has never once offered.
09-06-2012 12:35 #16
If you want people to help then I think it's up to you to ask. By the way, I don't think it's selfish AT ALL for you to want a weekend away!
09-06-2012 12:45 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
I have a brother who is a frequent asker "can you watch miss c while I do xyz" and we never say no but when the shoes on the other foot it's a different story. So now when he asks I say oh that's fine but can you take the older 2 or the babies for an hour and I'll take miss c that day.
09-06-2012 12:55 #18
Ask family?? I just TELL them when they are babysitting
09-06-2012 13:03 #19
See we are one of those really lucky families that have a village. My mum has offered to take the three kudos all day tomorrow so I can get some studying done. But a whole weekend or even overnight we would need to ask.
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09-06-2012 13:07 #20
So no, I don't think you are selfish in wanting people to ask/offer, but I think people rarely do. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives these days, they probably haven't thought of asking as if it was me, I would assume you would organise it if you wanted to go away. So ask I say!
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