When I was 15 I was forced to have an abortion. I am now 26 with 2 beautiful babies. I however can not stop longing for the little bub that was robbed from me.
My baby would have been 10 and a half right now and it is hard for me to read stories still that talk about teen mums that suceed. Dont get me wrong, I think its great that they are suceeding, but I feel a streak of jelliousy, I never got my chance. I was not a teen that partied or did anything crazy, apart from making a baby.
I miss my baby now and cant seem to see past it. I love my babies but with every milestone they reach I see the milestone that was missed.
Has anyone else been through this? And how did you repair? Have you ever repaired fully?
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04-06-2012 15:14 #1
Bailey you will be in my heart forever.
04-06-2012 15:27 #2
Hi I couldn't read and not reply. Your poor thing that must have been horrible. I really feel for you.
Who forced you ? Was it your parents or father of the baby? I'm only asking because maybe if you expressed how much pain you are in now to this person(s) it might help you heal. You know, confronting the past and admitting your pain can sometimes help.....
Did you ever have counselling? I had a medically necesssary termination earlier this year and I found speaking to a psychologist really helpful.
I think you have a lot of feelings built up within you over a long time and it might be time to deal with them, bring them out into the open and allow yourself to move on somehow.
Be kind to yourself, decisions are made that feel right at the time and you can't let the regret govern your life.
You sound like a great mum to your kids and try not to be too hard on yourself
Big hugs to you xxxx
14-07-2012 21:50 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
I think that your a very brave woman, you know your in pain and it seems your very capable of reaching out to those around you that love you for support. I wish you all the strength to get through this grief.
14-07-2012 22:05 #4
I was in a similar position at 15 and while not forced I certainly had my arm twisted by FOB and his mum, my parents never knew. My baby Darcy would have been nearly 7 this year. I've found that by talking about it to those I trust won't judge me it's really helped. When I kept it bottled up it built up and made me a very sad and depressed person. I look back now and don't exactly regret my actions because I wouldn't be who I am without my experience. I will forever long to know how my Darcy would of turned out, and how my life would be different, but I remind myself of how lucky I am now for all I have.
14-07-2012 22:14 #5
I'm so sorry to read that, how heartbreaking for you I agree that it is probably a good idea to seek some form of professional help to work through these emotions. It's not uncommon for the feelings surrounding teen terminations to surface down the track, especially when you have given birth.
I have a close family member who was forced into a termination from the FOB when she was 18. She is 30 this year and still thinks about how old her baby would be each year and what milestones her babe would be achieving. It must be so heartbreaking
14-07-2012 22:33 #6
I wasn't 15, I was 18 and i dont know if i would say i was forced but i was convinced to by oyher people when i thought it was wrong and the appts were made for me and i was taken there.. I still think about it.
It took me awhile to be okay with it, I'm not sure if I fully am yet but the biggest thing for me was forgiving him for convincing me it was the best option.
I absolutely love my DS and love being a mum and I know that my life would not be the same if I hadn't gone through that before and I may not have had the chance to meet him. I was stronger in my beliefs and determined not to let anyone take him away from me when I found out I was pregnant the second time.
I don't like talking about it even as a part of my medical history I won't. It's awful.
25-09-2012 19:01 #7
Hi, I was in an identical situation to yours. I had an abortion at 14 I believe I was 'forced' all though even to this day people try to tell you no-one can force you to have an abortion. My mother was constantly on my back telling me everyone would look down on me, and my bf would leave me, and no-one would love me and I would be alone forever, and I couldnt live with her, and she wouldnt help me etc. etc. I think that this can make things so much worse as you feel like the choice was taken away from you. To make it even worse my mother was not supportive at all after the abortion. When I went into depression she told me to 'get over it' and that 'it wasn't a real baby anyway' she even put in a formal complaint to the school as they were giving me counselling without her permission. It was the most horrendous thing I have ever been through and I had to go through it alone. I am now 29 and I have no trust at all in my mother, just being in her presence makes me uncomfortable and I don't feel like I could ever trust her again. I did however learn to trust myself again. After struggling with depression for 12 long years at around the age of 27 I finally got through it. I just came to accept that I did the best I could in the situation and made the best decision I could given what support I had. The best thing to do is not to dwell on it. Punishing yourself will not reverse time and let you make the choice over again, just live with your choice and know it was for the best. Although I had years of counselling and medication I think what helped me the most was having a supportive partner. I also feel, and this may be something worth looking into, that coming of the contraceptive pill made a huge difference. I had been either pregnant or on the pill since I was 14 and I think it completely messed with my hormones. Been off the pill for 2 years and feeling fine...although I am pregnant again now. I hope you can learn to live with your choice and not let it take over your life. You have two children who are here and who love you, and who need you to be happy, and although the baby you lost will always be a part of you, don't let it be the main part of you. If you want to talk about it with me some more, feel free to PM me.
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