First off, I am just after anyone who has been through a similar situation whether father or mother or if you know of anyone who has been through what I have & am going through.
I fell pregnant with my DS in 2009 at age 18. I wasn't with the father of my child, we just slept together on many different occassions. At the time he was 27. When I found out I was pregnant, abortion was not an option for me, although in my current situation then I had money behind and still worked and studied. I was living in Sydney at the time of my pregnancy. Then problems began. I did not want to be one of those mothers who didn't tell the father he had a baby every child deserves to know his father. I told my DS biological father I was pregnant and he was ok with it but that rapidly began to change. I got abused from then on out- mostly verbal but very hurtful.
As things got worse I decided to move to brisbane to live with my mum and that wasn't a good idea either. I got abused from both my mother and my DS biological father. I at one point decided what's the point i'll give them what they want. DS biological father got to the point where the baby wasn't his & my mum said to do a DNA test which they did behind my back. It come back his child obviously. Then he started to claim that i had this baby to keep him, which i didn't because the first words i said to him when i found out was - I'm pregnant but I dont expect anything from you! I made that ver clear and he insisted it be a good thing he wasn't going to be there for my DS because he is a Lebanese Muslim & kids out of marriage etc is forbidden -His parents did not know he was a father until my DS turned 1 & abit. Then he started contacting my mother & myself and saying i dont want him, he's still not mine etc and to which at that point I didnt care my DS was on his way and I didnt need anyone but my mother keep forcing him to make it effort - which ****ed me off! I wanted him to sign over his consent so I would have full parental responsibility but my mum talked him out of it.
When my son was born, i asked him not to be there because he made my life hell - abusing me everyday for a year and still continues to this day. He did however because of my mother come up for 1 day to see my DS & i wondered why - he ended up sleeping with my mum that day he was there and I only recently found out about 2 months ago. I ended up being a single mum for 7 months until I met my fiance. I never once asked for anything from my DS biological father but my mother apparently still continued to ask for money and things for my DS without me knowing and to which he started blaming me saying "why doesn't my son play on his swing set i brought him - then to which i replied ive never seen a swingset for him & he says i just spent the money on myself which i had no idea about any money from him.
At this moment because of alot of abuse from my mother towards myself, my fiance & son I put a restraining order on my mother for 4 years- which has been the best thing i have done. Because of that my mother has told my DS biological father to take me to court to see him and take him away from me.
Still being abused to this day from him he has taken me to family dispute resolution services so he can see my DS. He never cared before and has seen him twice - once when he was 2 days old and the other when he was 9 months and no contact since.
My DS is now almost 3 yrs old & knows his father to be my fiance. My fiance has been there for him since he was 7 months old. He has financially supported my DS food, clothes, shoes, daycare, house, everything. He takes care of every fever, sore stomach & all the late nights spent at hospitals when my DS has had asthma problems. My fiance absolutely loves my DS and treats as he would if he was biologically his. My DS calls my fiance dad & they do everything together. My DS also has my DF last name.
We have looked at adoption in QLD but can't as we are from nz unless we become citizens not only that my DS has to be 5yr before we can do anything. We are thinking about returning to NZ as the adoption process is alot simpler- we just have to be married! But because there is nothing in NZ we would rather wait.
So my question is:
Can I say to the person who is conducting out parenting plan that he can only have access to my DS if myself & my fiance are there & that our DS cannot stay over night with him? - we do not want anything from him money clothes anything! Also I do not want him to travel to sydney at anytime- as his BF has threaten to take him out of the country to lebanon and i will never see him again as that is what his cousin has done to his x girlfriend & she still has not since her son in almost 6 years!!!!!! Even when she put her son on airport watchlist he never got pulled up!!!!
Is there any chance i can get a restraining order on my x with the texts of him threatening me even though he lives in NSW?
DO you think a court will take my child off me? I have never had anything to do with child abuse or neglect nether has my fiance. I study full time, my partner 6 days a week, we rent our current home, we have a car, my DS always has food when he goes to daycare, my DS belongings are clean. We are drug free.
My DS biologial father takes drugs on a regular snorting cocaine, takes steriods etc.
Any advice would be great. Thanks. We are not rich enough to get legal advice from a lawyer, we have tried legal aid etc but they say he has a right to him which i understand but to what point would the court say he is unfit or believe im not doing a good job?
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04-06-2012 14:33 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Advice & Help on legal matters to do with a 2 year old child.
04-06-2012 14:45 #2
You don't have to agree to overnight idiots or anything else. The parenting plan is and *agreement* between parties and you cannot be forced or made to agree. I think overnight visits are inappropriate given the little contact he's had with his son to date. You can't get a restraining order that covers states but you can get one in your state so he cannot harass or approach you in your home or work. You can also ask the Federal Police to place our child on an airport watch list so he cannot be taken out of the country. Also does DS have a passport? He can't get one unless both parents sign. Step parent adoption is near impossible if the birth parent does not consent (unfortunately! Though I see why)
As for your mother... Man that is messed up
I would tell birth father upfront your mother has been scamming him. It's in your best interest to have some kind of civil relationship so his verbal abuse must stop. Speak to the mediators about this before you go in, they may be able to help. Wanting yourself and your DF at each visit might be fine to start or you could try a visitation centre. BF may feel uncomfortable about your fiancé being present, or even you, so these centers are a good middle ground. Be very clear Bout what you want, what you will compromise on, and what you wont. Under no circumstances would I let him take my child out of the country or the state, too risky.
04-06-2012 14:46 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
Personally I think you would be safer if you went to New Zealand.
You cannot get an Australian passport for your son without either - permission from the bio father, or a court order.
However, if you get your son NZ citizenship by descent, then you can get a NZ passport for him with just the signature of one parent (ie yourself).
Once in New Zealand, the bio father would have one year to apply under the Hague Convention to have him returned to Australia. If that occurred then the Australian Government would fund the court action. However if he waited until after a year, then he would need to fund any court action himself.
My father is currently in this situation. His ex-wife has his children in New Zealand but his situation isn't in the perview of the Hague Convention. Thus he is going through the court process to get access to them. It took from September until January to get to mediation in which it was agreed that he would get fortnightly weekend access (both Saturday and Sunday) at a contact centre. However now we are in June and the mother still hasn't complied with her interview with the contact centre so he hasn't seen them since December.
It really seems to me that New Zealand is a lot less compliant towards the estranged parent than Australia is.
So in short, I think your best bet is to go to New Zealand, however there will be a window of opportunity of up to one year where he could legally enforce your (sons) return to Australia.
Last edited by sweetseven; 04-06-2012 at 15:04.
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