Bell and bug if i saw you in a bikini i'd probably be thinking 'how on earth does her belly look so good after 2 kids' but i wouldn't say anything or accuse you of not being a mother
I've actually had the 'you don't look like you've had children' comment a few times and i always have the urge to lift my shirt and horrify them with my flabby, stretch marked belly but then the comment would surely turn to 'eww gross, you should have used cocoa butter'
So i guess you just can't win, however you look someone is judging.
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05-06-2012 11:01 #171has left the building
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05-06-2012 11:11 #172
This thread's been playing at the back of my mind since yesterday; my first comment was in relation to strangers, but I've since been thinking about friends and family, a different kettle of fish.
My weight has gone up and down quite dramatically with each pregnancy. I've never, ever found friends or family to be less friendly to me when I'm bigger, or more friendly when I'm smaller. However, I have noticed the opposite.
Two people come to mind; both have struggled with weight, and both are quite uncomfortable around me once I've lost my baby weight again. They eventually seem to go back to normal, but around that time when everyone else is saying "Oh wow, you're looking great, well done", they're conspicuously quiet and don't seem to know how to deal with it. They seem fine with other people who are consistently smaller than they are, it's the weight loss itself they seem to have an issue with.
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05-06-2012 11:15 #173Senior Member
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lambjam could it be that it's just not important to them? I don't mean it's unimportant to them as in an uncaring way - but I try not to mention if my friends lose weight because I feel after having a bub it's pretty normal to lose some weight BUT I feel my friends are beautiful no matter how big or small they are.
I feel if I said "wow you look great, you've lost weight" it could read as "not like before when you were bigger"... because they always look nice to me.
05-06-2012 11:19 #174
The other, no... she will make negative comments about what I'm eating and so forth.
05-06-2012 11:20 #175Senior Member
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I'm a bit of a numpty when it comes to knowing whether to compliment people on weight loss - particularly when they were quite large before.
I never know whether something like 'you look great' will offend because it somehow implies I thought they didn't before they lost the weight. Stupid I know. But I'd hate for a friend to think I had thought they didn't always look great.
05-06-2012 11:32 #176
I've noticed since loosing weight how much of a difference it makes. People used to glare at me when I walked into "normal" sized shops as if to say "and what could you POSSIBLY think you'll find in here to fit you?".
Now they smile and offer me help straight away.
But what I've noticed more is the snarky "fatties" comment that a lot of people will whisper to you about someone else, when they don't know that I used to be bigger than the person they're picking on!
I've actually taken to baiting people now. "Oh I KNOW, it's disgusting that someone would let themselves get like that. Doesn't it just gross you out? I mean, look at that. It's horrible!!! Just in case you're wondering though, I used to be bigger than her, and you're a freakin jerk". Lmao.
05-06-2012 11:43 #177
05-06-2012 12:55 #178
I think it's a bit of both...social perception as well as confidence etc. I have certainly felt both, being overweight and now slim. I also notice how my confidence has changed not just about weight but how I looked. When I had my eye brows waxed I notice I look at people in the eyes more when I talk to them...vs when they are hairy caterpillars I tend not to...this WOULD affect how people treated me. Same goes when I'm wearing makeup vs naked...overweight vs normal weight....I walk with my head held high and with a bounce in my step. I speak to people and command respect through eye contact and confidence. This then triggers a different response from those around. Also, I've noticed since losing weight that I have a lot more energy...and I'm more vibrant and energetic and this seems to rub off on others too...and they in turn, treat me better.
About 17 years ago I saw a piece on the Oprah show about people who have self esteem issues. Teens with pimples think that everyone's looking at the pimples. Peeps with bad teeth and scars think that everyone's looking at them as well. Then Oprah did a social experiment where they put a fake scar on someone and set them off on a job interview...just before they left the makeup people touched up the scar. During the job interview they said that they felt self conscious and that they were being judged because of their scar. They said that the interviewer couldn't stop looking at their scar. They even had a camera on the interviewer and the interviewee would point out moments when they felt they were being judged like "Right there...see he was looking straight at the scar. At the end of the piece Oprah revealed that the makeup artist actually removed the scar when they 'touched' it up! They didn't have a scar but they thought they did...and their perception of the interviewer was scewed because they THOUGHT they were being judged by something they didn't even have. I saw this show when I was a young girl and had pimples...it changed how I saw myself and give people a little more credit than that these days.
That's not to say that it doesn't happen...but does it happen as much as people think? For the reasons you think? We all have insecurities anyway...and sometimes people treat others badly to compensate for how bad they feel about themselves too.
I believe it's so much more complicated than people thinking better of you because you're thin now. People are way more complex than that.
05-06-2012 13:48 #179
Maybe they act this way because slimmer people have been rude to them in the past or maybe its because of coincidence as I previously stated.
This thread was about people being nicer towards you when you are skinnier, I just wanted to state that for me, it doesn't seem to be the case and that generally comes from larger people who don't know me.
Some of my close friends are bigger people as are quite a few people in my family so it certainly wasn't an attack on anyone.
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05-06-2012 13:51 #180-
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About the not being optimum at 70kg comment. I'm 6'0 tall and currently weigh 68kg. I can not lift weights, I can not run 8km and am far from fit.
So if 70kg is optimum for a tall person, than why do I not feel optimum? I feel tired and run down instead
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