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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Pregnant no.4 need advice regarding family

    Hi everyone, I am in desperate need of some good solid and honest advice, am I over reacting and what would you do? would you feel the same way?

    I am currently 22 wks UTD with baby no.4 my babies are by c section, I have 3 kids here with me and a husband that works away I am also studying a bachelor degree through distance at university. I am so upset and really need to try and clear my head all of my other 3 pregnancies there has always been a strain or stress so to speak that has made me feel as though all my energies went into the problem during my time being pregnant and I was robbed of my pregnancy. (Last time my husband lost his job and we almost lost our house) given this is our last baby I dont want ANYTHING to take that joy away from me, timing is really bad at present I dont see why they cant wait until after I have baby and am back on my feet...anyway

    Read on...


    I have spent the entire morning cleaning out the spare room for my parents inlaw to move in for at LEAST 3 months. I am down because I feel like I should be doing it to get the nursery organised! I can't stop crying over it. This is my LAST baby and I feel totally robbed of these last 3 months with my parents inlaw moving in in about a week! I also feel like a selfish *****, I dont want to share my husband when he flys home in my own dammed house, but there will be no escaping it! Let alone having to share the ONLY toilet we have which is in the bathroom with the ONLY shower we have! We are also on tank water and ONLY have 1 tank atm. I also do not wish to share my kitchen oven or stove, fridge or cupboards. There will be 7 effing people living in my home and I will be very heavily pregnant towards the end. I dont want to share my washing machine I have 3 kids and tonnes of washing! I also do not wish to share our money and have to pay higher power bills etc from having them here and organise meals for 7 people as it would be easier than the kitchen being utilised twice for one meal time). You know the worst part? I have NOT even been asked! my MIL TOLD me she is moving in with my FIL!!! TOLD ME! They live across the road and are finishing off the inside of their home they built years ago, and thought it would be easiest to just shack up with us for 3 months - the LAST 3 months of my pregnancy! I cant stop crying! Does anyone have any advice to offer? Thanks for listening guys! Im in such a state over it all its breaking my heart that I am not cleaning the spare room om out to organise the nursery for my last baby it will have to be done after babies born when I cant walk from surgery! I just see it all as so unfair and im so mad at them for not thinking about us and their timing of doing this! so what would you do? I know If i tell them know my MIL will turn on me like a snake and bite me in the ***

  2. #2
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    So why don't you say no, find other arrangements as you can't pause the happenings in your life for them. Especially since they didn't ask and just assumed it would happen.

    If it was me, it was my last baby and my in-laws were in cramping the house taking away from these last precious months, I'd be saying 'No, work something else out, I'm offended and appalled that you even thought this would work.'
    To be honest, sounds like your MIL is already being a bit of snake by just inviting herself to live in your house. Sounds like it'll be cramped as h*ll and they thought that would be fine for you all to deal with?

    Sorry hun, might not be the advice you were after but I'd be telling them today, like right now, work something else out.

  3. #3
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    I couldn't read your post and not offer a . My advise (if you don't want to tell them a flat out no), is to organise everything down to the last little letter. Make sure they are paying their way, including a share of bills and groceries, otherwise say you can't let them stay (and make sure they pay, my FIL never paid unless I asked and even then wouldn't give me the money, but would leave it on the bench ).
    Make sure you have a place where you can go to get away from them (I had my computer room when my fil was living with us). I needed it otherwise I probably would have gone insane lol.
    Since it is starting out with so much stress, be prepared for more, your MIL sounds pushy and you will need to stand up for yourself without getting too worked up. They will more then likely drive you up the wall but my best advise is to think of your husband, and try to stay tough but respectful (not always easy, I know). Ask your husband to help keep them from running over the place too, they might listen to him

  4. #4
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    Caravan in the back yard sounds good , tell them you need to set up the nursery etc before bubs comes. TBH I don't know what I'd do or say but I do think it's a bit harsh of them to pile themselves on you at this time.
    Do you think your MIL would take turns cooking and cleaning?

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    hi, if you cant say 'no way, Jose'. then I would draw up a contract. Put in writting, all the conditions you can think of. Cleaning roster, cooking roster, costs to met by them, tv use, computer use, phone use. Bedtimes for children, bathtimes for the children, routines for shopping, having friends over, just everything you can think of, and have them sign it. Then put it up on the kitchen wall or somewhere so it can be seen. Tell them they are staying with you in your house and your rules will apply. I can see this working only if they cooperate and support your needs. good luck, marie

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the replies! Its certainly given me some things to think about.

    One of them is why did I ever buy the house across the road from my parents inlaw considering finishing off last minute renovations and selling and moving.

    Another thing that got me thinking was the caravan thing we don't have one, they used to but live like such pigs they left it doors opened and its now riddled with dead rats and fleas. Needs burning. But why couldn't they have looked into boarding their 3 dogs and staying in a caravan park its not like they have kids it's only the pair of them, and if they can't financially afford that then maybe they should not be finishing off their house right now. They should have had accommodation plans all organized before they even applied for the loan to do this. And not meaning we'll just lop across the road with the son wife and kids hen they have a 4th baby on the way.

    I am pretty upset that I am the one being made to feel like a b!!tch and guilty about all of this when they have not even asked if its ok nor have they even taken a second to look at our circumstances that mayb just maybe right now is not such a good time its obvious I don't know why they would think its ok.

    so sad right now. Its causing huge problems between me and my husband at the moment too, and he works away so its not going to be so nice when he flys home again

    What is wrong with people???

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    I am so sorry this is happening to you, some people can be so inconsiderate!

    Is there any way they can remain in their house and just come to yours for sleeping or eating or anything? I guess not, it sounds like major renovations!

    I guess that if it's inevitable that they are moving in then I would try and make the most of the opportunity of helping hands and focus on bub. A positive frame of mind so to speak. I would be dropping unsubtle hints now as to what you expect from them in your house. " I am looking forward to lots of help since I am heavily pregnant, it will be great to have someone to help do the laundry for me" " I am looking forward to you moving in so that I can get some me time before bubs is born" "so how do you want to do meals? Do you want to do your own, or shall we all pitch in together with groceries and then take turns cooking?" if they have to move in, set the ground rules now. Write down a list of things that you need them to do, and add to that some things they can do to make life easier for you. Eg. Look after the kids while you do groceries, or even better, take the kids with them while they do it! Tuesday afternoons for two hours they can watch the kids while you have bubble bath - something for you to look forward to. Date nights?

    Sometimes making a situation benefit you helps. If you can't change it, make the most of it.

    What about hubby? Can he talk to them? Can you rent a caravan from somewhere? Or do you know anyone who has one? Can you set up a private lounge room for them somewhere? A spare room or something so you can have more space? Sending you big hugs, I hope you work something out.

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    I feel for you! Makes me want to come over, somehow 'steal' your body and say these things for you! lol
    I agree with what others have said, if saying 'no' isn't an option, maybe it would be a blessing in disguise for you to turn the situation around in your favour, and ASKING them for help. Wording it as if you're thankful.

    If all else fails...how good at your at having a 'breakdown'? Are your acting skills up to scratch, and would the Husband back you up? I know, I know...naughty of me to say


 

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