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30-05-2012 21:09 #21
Last edited by Theboys&me; 30-05-2012 at 21:51.
30-05-2012 21:47 #22Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2007
I think its a combination of people dont get to know each other properly nowadays, as well as couples just give up too easily.
My ex and I could have worked it out but he thought the grass was greener... that grassed died and he kept looking for greener pastures.
So many people go from meeting each other to bed and practically living with each other nowadays- theres no time to actually get to know each other properly before jumpin into it all then next comes the ring and then they're too wrapped up in planning a wedding and getting into debt to bother to look at the true relationship.
Then when things do go bad its 'easier' to split/run away from the issues without trying to see if things can be fixed. I think that couples can at times move past an affair and work together to make things work.
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30-05-2012 22:07 #23
I was one of them - married for 10 months! Went out with him for 5 years and I think it was a mixture of things, we were great friends, I was 32 and all my friends were married with kids ( I never really had the wedding/baby fantasy) plus he was Italian and that's just what you do - get married!
So yep we got married, and to be honest it wasn't until the day after I thought what have I done!
I wanted to start my own business, he honestly thought once we were married I would quit work and want babies, I didn't - then honestly after 9 months we had a huge d and m and were both feeling the same and decided to separate, papers were final a few weeks before our first anniversary - could we have tried - probably - but I think long term it wouldn't work
He is married with 3 kids now and I met DH the love of my life and we had DS 19 months ago - so for us it turned out for the best
31-05-2012 07:15 #24
DH says he was dragged down the aisle, too young (20) and too scared to protest.
It wasn't a happy marriage and she ended up having someone elses baby which kind of sealed the deal and let him leave without looking like the bad guy.
So, immaturity, insecurity and infidelity killed that one. Both are much happier now (I hope DH is, haha) and have their own families.
31-05-2012 07:32 #25
31-05-2012 07:39 #26
I didn't really want to get married and I've since found out neither did he. I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do, we had the house and a child. I didn't know how to stop it. Wasn't too young though, I was 26.
In the end I got tired of being put aside, the kids too. It takes two people to make a relationship work and I got tired of being the only one to try. By the time he clued in and realized what I'd been saying for years, it was too late for me. I couldn't put any more into it and had to make the break.
I'd get really upset if someone suggested I didn't try hard enough to save my marriage. I tried for years and was unhappy for a long time.
I've heard it said that the secret to a long lasting marriage is 'never fall out of love with each other at the same time'. I think in the end, that's what happened.
31-05-2012 07:53 #27
My patents got divorced 3 years ago.
They were married for 26 years.
Towards to the end my dad admitted to sleeping with over 30 women, had secret relationships and even slept with my mums sister and quite a lot of her friends.
Dad always worked away so mum says she had no idea.
She suspected but dad denied it.
Once mum found out about all his affairs she agreed to try and work things out with him, in the end dad ended up leaving mum for another very young woman.
So mum tried to make thing work and get past it, but dad just didn't want to.
Dad married this new woman and had a baby with her (dad is 60) and he just got another girl pregnant who is due in September whilst he was married to this other woman.
I think in some situations (like my parents) one person wether it be the husband or wife, wants to try and work things out.. But the other just doesn't want to change.
And a cheating spouse isn't something you can just "accept" if they continue to do it, nor "fix" if the other Isnt wanting to work on the marriage as well.
Their are 2 people in a marriage and sometimes it's just 1 of them that won't change and drive the marriage into the ground.
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31-05-2012 08:22 #28
Well in my case I knew I wasn't sure that I was doing the right thing on our wedding day but there were roughly 100 people waiting for it.
Over the next year I found being with him harder and harder. The things that were on my mind seemed to get worse. eventually something was said that made the whole thing seem pointless so I told him to bugger off.
31-05-2012 08:41 #29
DH and his brothers joke that they all had to marry wrong first to know who 'Miss Right' was. I must say it was nice to be in a relationship with someone who had a fair idea about marriage and compatibility.
31-05-2012 08:55 #30
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