I have quite a few friends who are separating/divorcing recently and it's left me wondering... Why is the separation/divorce rate so high?
I don't want to offend or upset anyone with this but i'm wondering, what is going on?
How can you go from newly wed to divorce in less then a year?
I know how hard relationships are, i got married last year and my relationship isn't perfect, but i won't give up on it even with all the ups and downs.
Are people giving up to easily?
Are relationships really that bad?
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30-05-2012 17:10 #1
divorce and separation...
30-05-2012 17:15 #2-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Separation is a very personal thing,
Ds's father and I split when Ds was 8 months old, we had been together 2 1/2 years and it was not working, all we did was fight constantly and while he denies doing it now I could not take the verbal and emotional abuse anymore (or having my things broken, the final for me was when he punched a hole in my wall)
Looking back I was very stressed and trying to get over something very traumatic and idk what his problem was.
We split for.12 months and now.are working on it again, if things went back the way they we're before I would call it quits in a heartbeat
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30-05-2012 17:21 #3
I know that everyone's experience is different...but as far as my relationship was concerned, it was very much a case of "when the going gets tough, the tough get going".
I guess love just wasn't enough
30-05-2012 17:21 #4
I have seen people meet, marry and separate within 12 months. It seems like they don't take time to get to know each other.
30-05-2012 17:23 #5
Mine was. But it was great in the beginning, and when things started changing I thought I could hang in there and make it work, but in the end, I had to walk away. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
To put things in context, my husband had always had some self esteem issues,and he was obsessed with going to the gym. I thought this was fine - after all, you accept people as they are, and love them anyway (I know I have traits that my husband and now my partner find annoying to say the least). When we moved closer to the city, the guys attending his gym were more "hard core" (in my opinion), than at his previous gym in a country town. He got started on steroids (I had no idea!) and starting getting possessive, aggressive and paranoid. Things came to a head when he became violent. I hung in there for almost 2 years while he had 2 lots of surgery and tried to give up, but he just couldn't (or wouldn't). I realised that I was living in a situation I had criticised others for staying in. So, with a lot of planning, I made my escape. Hardest thing ever, but I never imagined I would be where I am now - in a happy, respectful relationship, expecting a surprise, but much wanted and loved baby. I have never been happier, and this relationship highlights how bad things were in my marriage.
Marriages / Partnerships do take work, but sometimes, if there are real problems, they take too much of a toll on the people involved. I was horrified to realise how many of my friends were aware of what was happening, as I had been congratulating myself that I was hiding things so well.
30-05-2012 17:27 #6Guest Guest
Doesn't the 1st year of marriage have the highest divorce rate? It doesn't surprise me though, I know a lot of people who divorced after the 1st year. Reasons were getting married for the wrong reasons, been together a long time and settling for that person or staying with the person out of habit but not being in love, not communicating enough about what they want, when to have kids, even where to live, never living together before marriage, fighting too much over the small things to the point they can't be around each other.
Gees lots of reasons, people break up everyday, I don't think getting married is a fail safe way to a relationship. People do get swept up in the idea of marriage but that relationship wasn't truly working well before it.
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30-05-2012 17:34 #7
I often think people get married with skewed expectations, or focus on the wedding, then suddenly realise there's the marriage thing that follows.
Poor partner selection is another factor.
I also think people do change and sometimes that change isn't compatible with the relationship and divorce/separation is now more acceptable so instead of being miserable people go their own ways.
In addition to all that, I think with it becoming more acceptable, some people aren't trying as hard as they can to repair their relationships. I'm not saying they should have to, but I do think there's many examples of marriage breakdowns where they didn't exhaust all avenues to remedy the situation.
Last edited by BlissedOut; 30-05-2012 at 17:36.
30-05-2012 19:38 #8Guest Guest
I also think women are more independent and don't stay in unhappy marriages. They work, have careers, money and have the confidence to live a better life, unlike say my mother who was a sahm, no education, never really worked and 4 kids no way of supporting them alone and no support services like they have today. It was easier to stay put then build a new single life, they didn't even work on marriages more but they just accepted it. It's a different time, so I don't think the quality of relationships have changed.
30-05-2012 19:45 #9
Society's expectations play a huge role in divorce rates I think. With the introduction of the 'no fault' divorce rates began to rise in Australia. It made it easier for people to get a divorce. It also meant that it was easier for people stuck in horrible relationships to walk away and begin a new life. I don't think the divorce rates are a bad thing I think they are just proof that in today's society it isn't an expectation for women or men to stick around in a relationship that makes them miserable. people have different views on what marriage means today and that isn't a bad thing either. We are free to move on if we aren't happy and for some that time comes sooner rather than later...
30-05-2012 19:52 #10Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I agree with others, the fact that it's now not so frowned upon people are no longer scared to file for divorce. My grandparents wouldn't have lasted had they been married now. My grandfather always treated my grandmother like dirt and my uncle still suffers emotionally as a result. The whole family would have been much better off in today's world.
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