Here's what I don't understand ... A lot of mature people make judgements on young mums but it is often the same people who allow their teenage children to share a bedroom with their bf/gf when they stay over. Makes you wonder if they realise how babies are made
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18-07-2012 16:36 #111Senior Member
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18-07-2012 17:19 #112
I don't have a baby (yet) but have been going through IVF since I was 20. The stares I get every time I go to the clinic are unbelievable and I am now 22.
I used to feel really awkward but now I just smile at people who look and they usually turn back to what they are doing.
So I can kind of imagine all the stuff you guys get for being young mums!
I have been told numerous times by my fertility specialist how smart I am for trying for a baby now rather than later in life.
There is nothing wrong with being young and having kids...age is only a number!!!
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18-07-2012 17:29 #113
Tip of the day: the judging doesn't stop. Being judged is part of being a parent, it's how you deal with it that matters.
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19-07-2012 05:13 #114
I just want to agree with almost everyone else, age doesn't dictate parenting ability, there are bad young mums and bad older mums. And good ones of both too - as demonstrated by this thread.
In my mind, I see 'young mum' as being under 18. I think the judgements - though wrong - can also come from a place of concern. There's nothing wrong with being a young mother, you can still finish school, get a great job, go to uni, have a stable relationship, set up your family, I just think its so much harder.
That's why I don't judge. I feel like it was tough in general for me to get through school, uni, paying bills on a student's income and I didn't have kids. In my mind all those young mums who have been able to succeed whilst having children are super women!!
In my mind, I don't care if you're 16 or 50, as long as you don't behave like a bad parent, you aren't one.
19-07-2012 06:41 #115
I find all the comments really interesting... I don't judge young mums at all. What I find interesting though is the ages people consider "young" I personally feel young is under 20. I had my first at 23 and didn't receive any judgment, although I probably wouldnt have noticed as I didn't consider myself young?
I had my third at 27 and received positive praise. Particularly my midwife...
19-07-2012 06:55 #116
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19-07-2012 09:12 #117
I agree. I don't really consider over 20's 'young mums'. I always thought it referred to school aged.
I feel judged sometimes, and I'm having my first at 25 - I'll be 26 when bubs is born. I don't think it's in an unfit way though. I work in the inner city, and most people I come into contact with are late 20's early 30's professionals, so for them it would be career suicide to have a baby at 25. The comment I get most often is asking how I'm going to travel and have a career now. It's just priorities. I don't blame them for it.
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19-07-2012 10:20 #118
Im 41 and still get judged as a mother - and I'm judged for being an older mum and a working mum. It goes with the territory. The only benefit that age gives you is the ability to not really give a hoot what other people think.
19-07-2012 12:10 #119
I was pregnant at 24 and DP was 23. In our antenatal class we were the youngest by about 6 or 7 years. No body really noticed because we dont look young. But when they found out they were shocked.
However I dont feel 24 and 23 is too young for a child, IMO.
Just shrug off the comments and the looks. I am sure you are all brilliant parents and that's all that matters, age is just a number. Maturity and responsibility are what counts.
19-07-2012 12:52 #120
I think I replied to this thread ages ago but I was 20 when DH and I fell pregnant with DD and 24 with DS. I just remembered a story from when I was pregnant with DD (so 20/21 y.o.) DH was working FIFO at the time so I had to attend antenatal classes on my own. Being a private hospital I was the only person there younger than 33 I think? Anyway my fingers were swollen and I couldn't wear my wedding rings. The midwife running it was really patronizing. I was the youngest by 13 years and the only one there on my own. She referred to everybody else as "you could get your husband or partner to do xyz in labour" then she'd look directly at me and say "oh sorry love, I meant to say you could get your birth support person to do xyz - we don't usually have such young people here"!
The other mothers and their partners did t talk to me at all, it was like I had the plague. At lunch I sat with them and tried to be involved in their conversations but to no avail. It was crap.
I didn't go back after the first one, and I'd paid $150 to attend all three!
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