Firstly let me begin by stating that this is a letter that will neither be sent nor acknowledged. It is a letter written to someone else for myself. Please feel free to comment if you wish though – this is not a private continuing journal. I have done this to address my feelings and put them aside. I have gone through a whirlwind of emotion in the past 18 months and I feel that this is just another stage – that I didn’t think would come. But it has… so I feel the need to write…..
For some time I have believed a few things that were unfair and unjust. I actually allowed myself to believe that I played a part in the affair you had. The affair that was the pinnacle in the demise of our marriage. I believed that if I had been a better wife, cared about you more, loved you harder… then perhaps you wouldn’t have strayed. I thought that I pushed you away because I loved our son too much and forgot about you. That I knew from very early on in our relationship that you were not the person I was meant to be with and somehow I let my guard down and you saw it too. That because I’d allowed myself to become physically unattractive and my prettier, skinnier best friend seemed like an obvious better choice I had contributed to your affair.
Thankfully I no longer believe these things. I believe that I played a part in the break down of our marriage – but in no way did I have a hand in you choosing to have an affair. That choice was yours and yours alone and I will no longer defend your actions. I will no longer feel protective of you because deep down you are a good person. I will no longer be understanding and supportive of you because I understand your unhappiness. Because I was unhappy too and I certainly didn’t make a choice that would break your heart into a million tiny pieces. Deep down you are not a good person, because good people don’t cheat on their wives when they are pregnant with their second child. You were selfish then and continue to be that way and all of the nice fatherly gestures in the world will not change it. You can help me out as much you’d like to make yourself feel less guilt. But at the end of the day you cannot erase what happened.
I will still put on my smile and let the kids see that mummy and daddy are nice to each other. But rest assured it is a mask and I will never smile at you with my eyes again. I can pretend I know you but I don’t. You look the same, smell the same and talk, walk and eat the same – but it is like another person is living inside of a body I once knew so well. I’m done trying to spare the feelings of a person I grew up with….. because that person no longer exists. I have defended who you 'were' not who you 'are' – and I feel sad that you have lost so much of yourself. You were a great person – my favourite in the world. I would’ve given my last breath for you. Now I’m not bothered if you ever breathe again.
I do not wish bad things for you. I do not hate you. I just feel ….. nothing. Which to me is worse than hate because at least there is a feeling behind it.
What you chose to do is something I will never forget. I have no issue with you not wanting to be married. Nobody should have to stay in a relationship that is not good for them. But there is a right way to end things and you failed to do so.
Please don’t mistake my kindness for a lack of memory. I am kind to you because I care more about my children than I do you. If I cared about you I would feel bitterness and hatred – neither which are in my realm of emotions towards you. I feel like my sons will have enough to try to comprehend as they grow without the added hostility of a scorned mother. But don’t take my civil manner as a form of friendship. We are not friends. We are parents to the same children and that is all.
Also can I ask that you don’t take my own happiness as a reason for you to feel less guilt? I know that you say it hurt you to hurt me, but you have made no contribution to me being content now. This feeling of vivacity has come about through my own soul searching and self reflection. It took an enormous amount of hurt and pain, that you turned a blind eye to, for me to reach this point in my life where I feel free and truly living. Yet you still tell me you don’t truly feel happy.
Perhaps the grass isn’t greener after all?? ….. But I can tell you – my lawn has never looked so lush. Perhaps it’s because people have stopped stomping all over it and it’s finally had a chance to stand to the lovely sunshine
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26-05-2012 21:41 #1
A letter to my ex husband...
Last edited by Theboys&me; 27-05-2012 at 13:53.
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austmum (27-05-2012),delirium (27-05-2012),Doc (27-05-2012),HugsBunny (26-05-2012),Lettabean (29-05-2012),Liddybugs (27-05-2012),lovesushi (26-05-2012),MuminMind (26-05-2012),onedayatatime (27-05-2012),sandy_1902 (27-05-2012),Sunshinemoonlight (27-05-2012),T 800 (27-05-2012),TamsFam (27-05-2012),tea&toast (26-05-2012)
26-05-2012 21:46 #2Senior Member
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26-05-2012 21:58 #3
26-05-2012 22:01 #4Senior Member
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You're a great writer. I should have a bash at one of these letters...
The Following User Says Thank You to sunnyflower For This Useful Post:
26-05-2012 22:05 #5
You sound like you are a very strong person and I think your letter is so well written.
The Following User Says Thank You to ICanDream For This Useful Post:
26-05-2012 22:06 #6
Very well written.
It appears you have reached a really healthy level of self worth & have moved passed the hurt, never an easy thing to do.
But you made it, you are happy today because you know you are true to yourself and you spent the time soul searching to bring yourself here.
Your children are lucky to have a mother with a strong, confident and level head on her shoulders.
The Following User Says Thank You to mystical mumma For This Useful Post:
26-05-2012 22:07 #7
26-05-2012 22:11 #8
I'm often the person that empathizes with the absent party. But sometimes I feel my understanding clouds my own feelings of self preservation. I've just finally reached that point of looking it straight in the face and going ... You know what - there are no excuses for his behaviour. It's a good head space to be in without the added feelings of hurt etc. that were there in the beginning.
26-05-2012 22:15 #9
Theboys&me - hun. I was betrayed by my best friend too though not the same way as you were. I hope you feel better after having gotten that off your chest.
26-05-2012 22:19 #10
So well written I can see why that newspaper offered you a column!!!
So sorry you had to go through what you did but congrats for your strength to see what's best for your children - any marriage breakup is hard, it's so much harder if bitterness and anger are present.
By AppleIsleSMum in forum Step-parents / Blended familiesReplies: 0Last Post: 01-06-2012, 14:14
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