I agree. Its ok that he has a female friend, but if he has nothing to hide, why be so protective of his mobile. My dh and I always leave texts and emails visible to the other party, we have nothing to hide. If he doesnt want you to see it, he is hiding things.
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25-05-2012 22:23 #11
25-05-2012 23:04 #12-
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25-05-2012 23:15 #13
Sorry OP I'd be heartbroken if my husband behaved like this towards me, I have to say if he isn't having a physical affair it certainly sounds like he could be having an emotional one the deleting of the texts should be setting off major alarms for you
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26-05-2012 03:17 #14Senior Member
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It would ring alarm bells with me Deleting texts and hiding conversations are one of the warning signs that many people do say is what was at the start of an affair (emotional or otherwise).
I think you need to explain to DH that his actions are making you feel uncomfortable.
Good luck. ((hugs))
26-05-2012 05:46 #15
I completely agree, with what PP have said.
I'd be really angry/upset if my DH did that to me. I think is highly inappropriate to start a friendship with a member or the opposite sex then start keeping "secrets". Of course your going to worry and stress out now, it's not fair and rather cruel.
26-05-2012 05:58 #16
I think you've received some very good advice here.
I am really sorry for your stress having to go through this.
There is nothing I would do or say to a male friend that I wouldn't tell my husband about. Being transparent and open about any aspect of my friendships with men is what makes them ok with DH. Not to mention most of my male friends are gay too.
I believe intimacy needs to be shared primarily between husband and wife. If he doesn't feel like he can talk to you about things, you both need to work together til you are in a place where you can... but if the first time you hear about this 'problem' is via busting him texting with a female friend in bed, thats totally not ok! You don't turn towards another woman for secret things you can't talk to your wife about (if you accept that is why he is talking to her)! It sounds an awful lot like the old trick of blaming your partner for the reason you're doing something suss. I hope it's not what it is looking like and even if it isn't, there are things/boundaries that need to change in order to restore trust.
26-05-2012 06:00 #17Senior Member
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- Jun 2011
I agree totally.
Sometimes I don't like dp to read my texts etc but it's when I've been having private convos with my mum or sister, normally about our recent engagement and my excitement over planning our wedding...just too embarrassed for dp to see how OTT I am being!
But if either of us had a friendship with either sex that was on the low down like that, it would definitely make me uncomfortable.
26-05-2012 06:14 #18
26-05-2012 06:17 #19
Okay, so I have just read the other posts. What they said! I'll PM you!!
26-05-2012 06:18 #20
Couldn't read and not reply! First off massive hugs!!
This post is ringing alarm bells - yes your DH has a right to have friends but to hide conversations and delete texts is not ok!!!
I would sit down and say that to your DH in a calm manner - that yes you have friends you talk to but if he ever asked what you were talking about you would tell him!
Also state how unhealthy secrets in a marriage are and if anything is 'up' with him or you guys you should be the first one he talks to!
I get the whole worrying about if you don't do this or that he will go to get - be honest with him, tell him how this is making you feel because you feeling on edge about your actions towards him aren't healthy for a relationship either!
I agree alot of affairs begin with the man feeling like the other woman 'understands' him more - I'm not saying anything physical has happened but it certainly seems emotional!
I'm so sorry this has happened! Good luck xxx
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