Marttc, maybe your 3rd one will be the lucky one I've got everything crossed for you. That is the one consolation in a bfn, you can start again straight away.
I think this cycle has been hard because they said i could start again straight away and its really going to be at least 6-8 more weeks till the actual transfer which sucks.
Oh i'm the same. Some days i just have a meltdown and can't stop crying, then look awful the next day. I think i need to start booking myself in for a weekly facial and massage or something, i look awful! My hair has all fallen out too i think its the estradoil (and the stress). I used to have pretty manageable long ringlet curls, and now they are all dry and frazzled.
We've got 4 embies left, which is good, but i'd say if the next two transfers don't work, we'll do another stim cycle to build them up again.
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04-06-2012 22:07 #51
04-06-2012 22:09 #52Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2012
Hi minxyq (and others!)
I was lurking on the May/June IVF thread, so I feel like I know some of you already! I had my fingers crossed and I'm sorry to find you on this page. We have been TTC for 2.5yrs, with 5 confirmed chemical pregnancies in the last year or so, and in retrospect probably had 5 before that, but didn't test as I put them down to slightly late, really heavy periods with super-sore breasts. We had a cancelled IUI cycle in March and are doing IVF/PICSI this cycle with aspirin/prednisone/clexane for possible implantation problem ?NK cells.
I know how heartbreaking it can be to think you're pregnant for even a couple of days, then have it taken away. You try not to get your hopes up, but when you've been waiting and trying FOREVER - its impossible not to.
I also know a bit about the battle with depression, and I think it can be tricky to maintain a balance between staying positive and letting yourself grieve. With depression you have to give yourself a kick up the butt to get out of bed in the morning and actually do something to keep busy and stay positive. But I think after something like this its important to have a good, proper grieving period - hide under your doona and ball your eyes out, stay in your PJs all day, and don't feel guilty about it because THIS REALLY SUCKS!
I also protect myself by being very picky about the events I attend - no baby showers, kids b'days etc if I don't feel like it. You don't have to tell people why if they don't already know - "I'm sorry I can't make it that afternoon, but I'll send along a present, I hope you have heaps of funl". I've only told a small handful of friends about our infertility problems. Most have been great, and the only one who hasn't I just don't see anymore ("Oh, you're SO lucky you're not pregnant - its horrible!" or "Sick babies are so hard, are you really sure you want one?"). I just can't deal with that and after a few months, I decided I didn't have to!
My FS reminded me that IVF is partly therapeutic (getting you pregnant!) and partly diagnostic (finding out what's going wrong). So even when it doesn't work out, they've learnt something more about you, your partner and your embryos - so its one step closer:-)
Wishing you all the best for future attempts
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05-06-2012 22:06 #53
What a great thread. You are all so amazing and strong, even if you don't feel like you are! I was happy to find this thread as I have been a bit flat recently. I m/c at 8 weeks in Nov and if the pregnancy had gone full term I would have been due any day now. I felt like I had dealt with the m/c fairly well at the time but was unprepared for when the "due date" rolled round. And yes, if one more person feels the need to announce on FB their pregnancy I will scream. There is 3 friends due this month, including a close friend who has been on IVF for many years and having her second- she totally deserves this so I am not angry at her. But the timing does make it a bit tender. I never told her I was pregnant so she doesn't know about the m/c. I am heading in on Thursday for a laproscopy to see if they can find anything and in my head I keep thinking I should have been going in for a baby! I don't want to feel sorry for myself but I am shocked at the emotions surfacing at this time. I don't have anyone to really discuss with so reading all your thoughts and stories has given me some comfort. And humility. The journey some of you has been on makes my pale in comparison and I sincerely hope you all have the success you have so rightly earned.
I am just wanting the next couple of weeks to move on so I can hopefully start another cycle next month (stim cycle 5). At least I feel like I am doing something towards the cause!
I hope everyone on here is doing ok. Sending hugs to everyone for their strength
06-06-2012 17:17 #54Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
- Far North Qld
I'm so glad I found these threads, they really have kept me sane.
I will be going for surgery as soon as it can be arranged, maybe in Perth, to see if i have Ashermans Syndrome and to clean up my endo. We are all thinking my poor lining is the probably the problem. I'm trying hard to not get angry because I asked about this after our first unsuccessful attempt, now after our third, they are listening to us, not that we gave them a choice, must say we did get quite firm. My poor fs nearly fell off his chair when he said they couldn't do the surgery until Septmeber because the head guy won't be over until then, and straight away I responded with "I will fly to Perth tomorrow if you can get me in". i'm waiting to see hear from them with a date now.
I don't like being in Limbo land but at least now we feel like they are listening to us and taking our "needs" seriously.
08-06-2012 16:39 #55
Well found out today that my BFP implanted embyro is a fizzer. Hcg just didn't rise enough- Sat 2/6 24, Mon 4/6 40, today 8/6 48. So waiting to MC. I guess this must be called a chemical pregnancy?
Can I join your pity party?
Some of the dark sulky negative comments and questions I am asking myself today:
"IVF is so expensive, I am so old, what if it's all a waste of time and I never get pregnant?"
"Why didn't my baby grow?"
"If this Grade 1 embryo failed, and the one they froze was a late grower, doesn't it make sense that it is even more likely to fail in a FET?"
"My dream may never come true"
"I hate one of my friends, she is accidently UTD and wants to quote 'get rid of that thing inside me'. It is just so wrong that such an uncaring %#@& can get pregnant and not give a %^#@ while my baby is dead or dying"
"Since the Hcg went up doesn't that mean the embryo is still alive? even if it didn't rise much it is still alive? why do I have to stop the progesterone? isn't that like giving up on it?"
"Maybe my mothering days are done and I should forget this stupid dream"
"Why did the clinic tell me it wasn't viable in a voice mail?"
"Why do people have to announce their pregnancies on FB with US images while my baby is fizzing?"
OK Done venting...
How's everyone else?
08-06-2012 16:59 #56Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
- Far North Qld
Fortitude: So sorry to hear your news. My first hcg was only 13 so they don't class it as a pregnancy at all. It sux that you have to go through this, that any of us have to endure this kind of pain.
In a round about way, I'm s'posed to have a surgery date in Perth sometime soon, but I'm still waiting for the clinic over there to call me, which they said would be before close of business today, another hour. Hmmmm, my clinic didn't call me back today so we will see.
Hope everyone is coping as best as they can, take care!
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08-06-2012 18:27 #57
So sorry Fortitude It's such an awful thing to go through. I hope that you are doing ok. Yes, i think technically it is a chemical pregnancy (i hate that term!). At least your little embie tried to implant so thats a good thing, its better than a flat out BFN. Give yourself some time to get over it. You've already been able to have children so your body knows what to do, i'm sure you can do it again
Hudson, god how are you still standing, thats a so many losses you poor thing You are def right about picking and choosing what events you attend. Sometimes it can all get a bit too much. What is your next move?
Ivy sorry for your loss, those dates are always going to be hard. You've been through a lot of stim cycles, i hope this one works for you. When are you starting?
How is everyone else going? How are you Zamick and Martcc? Hope you're doing ok.
I've had a crappy day. Was feeling like it was all too much this morning (just one of those days) then this afternoon made the mistake of going shopping for a baby present for my friends baby shower on sunday. I was just picking out a bumbo seat for her and I saw this lovely lady from work (actually the cleaner of our floor) and she was picking out prams with her son ( i think) and she asked me if i was pregnant. Of course i'm not. We would have been almost 9 weeks today. I know i've got to stop thinking like that, but it still stings a lot I just say in my car and cried like an idiot.
I'm grateful to a bit closer to the next cycle, looks like our transfer will be in about 5 weeks (feels like forever some days though) but i still really want to get off this roller coaster. I actually find its harder as it goes along. I'm finding it harder and harder to do full-time work as well as the IVF with my partner away a lot. Anyway, thats my whinge for the day!!
09-06-2012 13:59 #58
Dear ladies, where do I go from here?
Obviously AF has made herself known now, definately all over for this cycle.
I know I have to keep BT up until my HcG drops off to normal.
But when can I try again? When can I try with my frosty? this month? is today my day 1 or will I have to wait until next month's cycle?
At the moment I am really hearing my biological clock ticking and each wasted month feels like a lost chance.
Please tell me how it works- cause the clinic hasn't told me.
09-06-2012 17:19 #59
Fort you probably have to wait this month and start your FET next month. It really is hard waiting, hang in there
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09-06-2012 23:21 #60
Fortitude, you did a full stim cycle didn't you? My first stim cycle was the same as you, chemical pregnancy. I got AF and they told me to wait till the next AF for a frozen transfer. This was because i had lots of little follicles during the stim cycle and they wanted my body to have at least one cycle in between for my ovaries to go back to normal.
You also have to wait for your HCG to go down to zero. The first time mine only got to 45 so it went down in a matter of days, but this 2nd one was further along so it was about 450 i think and took weeks to come down.
Depending if you do natural or medicated, with a frozen cycle i go on estradoil first day of AF and have my transfer on day 20 (cause i have day 5 embryo's).
Since you have stimmed they will probably want you to wait till the next AF to go again. The waiting totally sucks, but hopefully it will go fast for you.
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