For me, it was a gift. Not just my virginity itself, but my whole body. The first time I had sex, I wasn't in a relationship, nor inlove with the guy and he wasn't inlove with me, but we loved, trusted and respected each other. He was my best friend and I knew he would be gentle and slow with me and understand that it wasn't just my virginity that I was trusting him with, but also the possible aftermath due to anything sexual, at this stage, resulting in horrific nightmares 'cause of sexual abuse as a child.
When I have kids, I'll be advising the same thing. The sex was dissapointing, but after examining what kind of sex I enjoy, I know why now.
It doesn't make sex with my DP any less for that. He's the only one I "make love"(Trust me, just the term makes me giggle, but I need to differentiate) to, or have ever, but he's not the first person I've had sex with. We have sex quite often and we make love and it's still just as special every time as it was the first.
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24-05-2012 16:28 #101Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
24-05-2012 16:59 #102Guest Guest
I don't view my childhood abuse as a sexual experience, I don't even talk about it that way. I prefer to call it what it was and it certainly wasn't sex or my sexual experience or anything other than abuse, violation, molestation. And did I lose something? Yes but it wasnt 'virginity' or 'purity' it was trust, respect for myself and years of unhappiness trying to make sense of it all.
That's just how I see it and how I process it, I don't expect you to feel the same, our journeys have been different ofcourse.
24-05-2012 17:23 #103
24-05-2012 17:40 #104Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
24-05-2012 18:11 #105Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
Yeah I think it's a gift two people can give each other.
I have had a few partners and quite frankly looking back I wished I had waited to find someone who really loved and respected me and vice versa. But I didn't and it made me feel horrible. Call me old fashioned but I think that when you sleep with someone you give them a piece of your soul . That's how I feel about it anyway. I am a single mum and I have decided to wait until I get married until I have sex again. That's my gift to myself. But I think this is a personal decision , everybody feels about sex very differently ....
24-05-2012 18:35 #106
Damn. It makes me pretty sad to see how many women here have been sexually violated.
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