Ok ladies, sorry for the rant post, but I'm such a mess today. Last year i started my own business, and Since we started the ivf earlier this year, the business has really suffered as I just haven't had the focus on it I should've. So right now I'm stuck in limboland and I feel like such a loser. My business is struggling AND I can't get pregnant. I have a heap of bills to pay for the business, and thankfully I am getting a decent tax return but I'm in the limboland of knowing how much I'm getting and knowing its all already spent and then I'm back to square one. And I just don't have the emotional energy to do anything about it! I'm not carrying my weight financially and my husbands wage is the smaller one so that is not helping. Don't get me wrong, every day I am thankful I'm my own boss, especially through all this, as I don't think I could've gone through ivf while still working in my old job.
Currently we are in between cycles at the moment waiting for AF and I just worked out this morning it's at least 3 weeks till I may be PUPO again and it just feels like an eternity of not doing anything. Messaged DH and I know I sometimes have a tendency to dwell on things, but his advise was to take the dog for a walk. I know what he means, but I just want to curl up and cry. Feel like I've been just getting by for the past few days and now I've fallen in a real hole. All I keep hoping is that at the very least this could be pms and AF 's not far away otherwise I'm just miserable for no reason.
I never say this, but I really feel like a failure today, and I just hate that I feel that way.
Results 2,051 to 2,060 of 2550
09-08-2012 09:48 #2051
09-08-2012 10:15 #2052
Big hugs Frannie. I run my own business too and it's a real juggle to do IVF as well. Especially when the IVF isn't working. Take this afternoon to be sad and tomorrow pick up and forge on again. I know the only cure is a baby and it's so hard not even knowing if that will happen.
We just saw our FS. His thinking is that having ruled out everything else that I am just unlucky and my egg quality (chromosomes) has taken a nosedive earlier in life than it should have. It could mean I have some normal and some crap eggs, or it could mean I don't have any normal ones left.
We are still waiting for DNA results on the two frozen embryos. He said we could cycle again Sep/Oct if we want but he's happy for us to wait till January as well. It will be long down reg next time to try to get more eggs (7 mature last time). He said I could try DHEA if I want, to possibly increase numbers, but there's nothing that will stick broken chromosomes back together once they are stuffed.
He also said if we do 2-3 cycles and don't get any normal embryos then there is no point in continuing IVF unless we are using an egg donor. He didn't want to put that on the agenda as we are still early in the process but obviously the fact he mentioned it was pretty depressing.
So pretty down all round really
09-08-2012 10:16 #2053Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
Hugs franniesplace. This IVF stuff can really do your head in. I have my own business too and I started another just before we embarked on this IVF journey and that one is basically on hold, I've done diddly squat with it and really don't have the energy to do so.
I hope it's your pms playing with your head, you're no failure, you're one strong chicky babe!
09-08-2012 10:22 #2054
Hugs @frannie and @tigs.
Looking promising mrsj!
I hate being on my iPad, it makes personals so hard. Been lying in bed for over an hour, busting for a pee and knowing I need to take my Lucrin, but it's so warm here... *sook*
09-08-2012 11:32 #2055
Zakmick - Yay for AF arriving! Our first FS (who we love) isn't an IVF FS, she is just a regular one. Then our first IVF FS left the clinic after our fist cycle, so we had to find a new one. I was too impatient to wait 4 months to see the really good doc, and settled for the one I have now. I guess that's what I get for being impatient
1xbaby - Goodluck for ET! Wow 13 stims? You definately deserve it!!
skizzie - Sorry about the BFN!
frannie - You are not a failure! It's easy to make yourself feel that way when nothing goes right. I don't have my own business, but I quit work about a month ago due to all of the stress, and I feel really bad for DH as I'm not pulling my weight financially either and it's all because I'M the one that can't conceive! I would like to go back to work so that I can help with the bills, but I feel like I physically can't bring myself to do it just yet. I take my puppies for a walk when I feel down too
tigger - I'm starting to feel the same way about biopsing the embryo's, and we haven't even started a new cycle yet! The Scientific Director thinks we are a long way off having to see if we need donor anything, but the more failed cycles we have makes me think it would be our only option, and we have both agreed to not use donor anything, so that would be the end for us. It is most definately a depressing thought. Hopefully neither of us will have to go down that path!
AFM - I thought this story might give you a laugh...
Last night when DH got home from work and sat on the lounge, he started rubbing his nipples. I gave him a funny look and he says to me......
"My nipples are just sooooooo sensitive. All day at work with my shirt rubbing on them was so sore!". I said "Oh really?" and started to laugh. He started telling me "No you don't understand, they just REALLY hurt. I think I have cancer. I never get sore nipples".
Atleast he got to exprience atleast 1 thing we have to put up with on this journey!
09-08-2012 11:43 #2056
I also wanted to ask, do you think it is a bad sign that I can usually get in to see my FS so soon? I rang up to make an appt and she said I could have gone in today if I wanted, or tomorrow. I chose next Monday though to give DH some more time to go over our options.
I just know that the 'good' FS at our clinic can take months to get in to see, but mine always seems so quick?
09-08-2012 11:47 #2057Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
I dont think its a bad sign. My fs works long days. Some weeks i can get in straight away where others i have to wait weeks.
ICSI #1 April 2012 Cancelled
ICSI #2 August 2012
09-08-2012 11:57 #2058Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I don't think it's bad at all - i think it's good that your FS is so available to fit you in
AFM - i got a call from the clinic - my Progestone is at 6.1 today - it was 3.4 2 days ago and they need it to be under 4 to start a cycle - so i have to go back on Saturday for more bloods and US and Wazza will make the call whether or not we cycle this month or wait until September. I'm hoping we can go this month, but i trust him to know if it's best we wait until my body completely sorts itself out hormonally. So bummed though. Oh the highs and lows of IVF eh? :\
09-08-2012 12:26 #2059
KandP - I've heard (and tried) taking vitamin c to bring on AF as it breaks down the progesterone or something? I've tried it a few times, and guess I would say it works, or maybe my AF was just closer than I thought lol
I'm still trying to decide if we should do another stim when AF arrives (if my FS lets me) or have a months break. Usually my FS says that I ask too many questions and gives in to what I say, but this time I'm going to actually listen to her advice
09-08-2012 12:41 #2060
Ok I'm sure i will miss people but am going to try my best to catch up.
Peonies how are you going? When is your BT, i have everything crossed for you this cycle!
KandP and Zamick, yay for AF!!
1babyplease, hope that little embie is snuggling in.
Mrs Jaguar, thats def a faint line!!! Try a first response tom and see if it gets darker. looks promising though!
SelM, limbo land SUCKS. Hope those last few points only take a few day to come down. HCG beta land is a special kind of hell. Praying for it to go up, waiting ages for it to go down. its awful.
Skizzie, sorry for the BFN you've done lots of cycles, its not fair. Oh but you will have a wonderful time in tassie!! All that lovely food will might try to take your mind of things, and to recharge. If you like art, head to MONA in hobart, is amazing. Are you going to see your FS when you get back to see what you might be able to change?
KandP, sounds like you're throwing everything at it! Do you find Wazza good? I've heard a lot of good things about him. If i end up in brissie next year, i was going to fly in out to stay with my clinic, but i've made an appointment with him in november just in case.
Tj79, hope you get good results. Fingers crossed.
Frannie, don't ever be sorry this is the place to rant. It is SO hard all of this isn't it. Not only is IVF fantastically expensive, but we pretty much have to put our lives on hold to do it so its a double whammy. I'm feeling like a failure as well Working full time, doing the ivf and managing all the meds and appointments and having my partner away a lot of time feels so overwhelming. I never expected us to be so far from our goal at this point. Is there any way you can get someone to help you out with the business during this stressful time?
Tigger, i'm so sorry you're going through a rough time too At least if you get the DNA results it will give you something to go on. I asked our FS if she thought it was my egg quality (the reason for all the miscarriages) and she said usually if you fertilise eggs well and get good embryo's, then the eggs are good and its something else. You must be so exhausted by all of this. It's so horrible to keep getting bad news, there is only so much you can take.
Wunsi how are you going?
Sariele, are you still in Perth? Have you started jabbing yet? Must be excited to get going
Disney how are you going? I can't read too far back, whats your next move? I don't think its a bad thing if you can always get into see them, usually for regular patients they will always make time.
Gstef, how are you going too?
AFM -well i'm pretty down and crappy today. Started Clomid yesterday and i've had the worse migraine all night so i've stayed home from work. I'm also really getting to the point where i think i am going to have to give up work next year. I really don't want to because i love my job, but i just don't think i can handle it all anymore. I think it's all just hit me, the past year. I can't believe i'm sitting here saying i've lost 3 pregnancies in a row. I think i just need 6 or 12 months next year to recharge and try to get some strength back. I'm going to apply to uni next year to maybe start an environmental law degree, so thats something i could do full time or part time next year which would be a good distraction, but not as taxing as working full time. We're lucky in that a year ago, DP took a two year contract which is really good money so i can afford to take time off work. I've just been so hesitant because i hate the idea of not pulling my weight financially, but i think for the IVF to work, i really need to try to de stress.
In IVF land, i feel like a failure again. Looks like I'm not going to ovulate on my own (i didn't really expect to, i've been doing cycles, or pregnant or on the pill since last year so haven't had a normal cycle in almost a year) so that why i have to go on clomid. Hopefully i do ovulate and then we can do the biopsy 10 days later. I'm just so exhausted from it all.
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