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  1. #41
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    From your Aunty's perspective, if a family member moved their entire wedding date because of *my* birthday, I would feel mortified and embarrassed. How silly Surely they could have thrown her a surprise party the previous weekend...since when do birthday parties HAVE to be on the actual birth-day? They rarely are in my family.

    I wouldn't have changed my wedding date. I pick my battles as well, but that one isn't a small battle IMO

    And 6 months?! Getting married is exciting enough without pushing the date back another SIX months. Eeeep. I personally lack that kind of patience

  2. #42
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    I'd be concerned about DF putting pressure on you to change your dates just coz she can't stand up to her mum. Goes to show what your future is going to be like...

    Good on ya for picking your battles... if this was not a big deal to change and didn't bother you so much it's great that u 'let it go' - but it seems to have bothered you hence the BH post... So maybe it is actually more important for you to stand your ground for things like this.

    Agree with some of the other posts - your mil probably doesn't see this as a real marriage. :/

  3. #43
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    i think she was a bit rude to ask, I think you were very kind to agree without making a fuss, and i think you have earned a nice little bargaining chip which you can use in your favour next time you are under pressure to do something they want but you don't.

    But yes i would be wary that this is a sign of things to come, what is your DF's opinion on it all?
    Last edited by Gothel; 23-05-2012 at 16:12.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ngaiz View Post
    Im feeling a bit guilty at the moment. I'm doing IVF and if my current cycle doesn't work I'll try again in jut under two months. If that one works I will be due around my brothers wedding. It's in another country and I won't be able to fly. I know he won't mind changing the date for me and I don't want to miss it, but I can't put of IVF.
    i think thats different though. thats IVF
    you can move around a 50th birthday party.


    I wouldn't have moved my wedding, and if i did i would remind her every chance i could that, i moved my wedding because she asked..

  5. #45
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    You changed your wedding day for a party that hasn't even been planned yet?

    Why put it off for six months?

    There is no way I would have agreed to such baloney.

    The poor Aunty...she's going to feel terrible when she finds out. I'd be mortified if someone did that to me.

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    VicPark  (23-05-2012)

  7. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsTiggyWinkle View Post
    i think she was a bit rude to ask, I think you were very kind to agree without making a fuss, and i think you have earned a nice little bargaining chip which you can use in your favour next time you are under pressure to do something they want but you don't.

    But yes i would be wary that this is a sign of things to come, what is your DF's opinion on it all?
    That her mother is more important..... Basically... And her mum knows that she will always agree with her... She is a very two faced woman... Don't get me wrong.. She is good at Xmas and birthdays and stuff... By really... The only thing my fiancé and I have going for us... Our wedding day... She wants us to move it for some probably... Lunch at a nice restraunt because her excuse is "no one ever does anything for Aunty" .... Yet it was only last night that they were all saying how stupid Aunty is for convincing nan to buy a dodgy car.... So.... Go figure... I'm so glad my own family doesn't have issues like that, we very much all keep to our own business... There is so much drama in my Df family... Between everyone... But as soon as someone that's not blood related does something eg me, or the SILs husband.... They all join together.... Dear oh dear... I have set a few boundaries in the past year... Keeping in mind I lived with my mother in law for a year and trust me it was the worst time in my life, forced me to walk out on my partner because we couldn't get 5 minutes alone, with out her, or other family members being over daily...... Even with that.... They still can't understand why I forced DF to move 100 kms away .... Now we live down the coast and they live in Newcastle... So it's turned into once a week visits... Dear lord....

  8. #47
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    I hear warning bells.
    There's an old saying: you don't marry the man ( person!) you marry the family.
    In my experience this is true.....
    Sorry but I think you are in for a lifetime of your partner not putting you before her mother.
    Hope this doesn't sound harsh but I think these situations will continue to repeat themselves especially as you gave in.
    Good luck OP xxxx

  9. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by brownsugar View Post
    I'd be concerned about DF putting pressure on you to change your dates just coz she can't stand up to her mum. Goes to show what your future is going to be like...

    Good on ya for picking your battles... if this was not a big deal to change and didn't bother you so much it's great that u 'let it go' - but it seems to have bothered you hence the BH post... So maybe it is actually more important for you to stand your ground for things like this.

    Agree with some of the other posts - your mil probably doesn't see this as a real marriage. :/
    Your very right... She hasn't even bothered with an engagement party for us...... A year later... She can't even call it a wedding... She calls it a ceremony. But to be honest I can't wait to shove it in her face when it becomes legal. Either way I'm still changing my name, and we have arranged with the celebrant to have normal traditional vows... It's a very traditional wedding all round. Just two woman. But to us, and as you can all prob understand... A wedding is a wedding, and a marriage is a marriage .... No matter who you are.... But thank you all on BH for making me realize that she is pretty wrong and rude for asking us to do that... And I'll be making it clear come the day we were meant to get married that "this party better have been worth our wedding" ..... I'll be so angry if it is some BBQ or something.

    You have all made me realize that I more than compromise for this family of hers..... And that I am the better person, and that I have nothing to worry about because at the end of the day she can feel guilty not me... And everyone's right... Come her aunties surprise party. She will be like "oh my god, are you telling me tht jess and Mel moved their wedding day just for this
    " and she will prob feel bad and all anyways..... Stupid ay

  10. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by Milly Molly Mandy View Post
    I hear warning bells.
    There's an old saying: you don't marry the man ( person!) you marry the family.
    In my experience this is true.....
    Sorry but I think you are in for a lifetime of your partner not putting you before her mother.
    Hope this doesn't sound harsh but I think these situations will continue to repeat themselves especially as you gave in.
    Good luck OP xxxx
    I know what you mean, and it's not harsh cuz I already can see it too... I'm a very independent woman, I've fended for myself since I was young due to family stuff... So I don't need DF to help me, although its nice to be put first... I can fight my own battles, I always used to give into her family but now I put my foot down.. As I said I choose my battles.. Even sometimes my DF can see when her mother is being unreasonable, ect... That's rare but she has seen it herself... So deep down she does know it.... O well.. All I can do is stay true to myself, my own family, and my DF... I really dont have to give a flying hoot about hers.... I just pretend I do to keep the peace.

  11. #50
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    Thank you all so much this thread has helped me a lot today.

    Yes... I was a tad upset about it that's why I posted on bub hub but I really wanted to hear what you all thought, and now that you have all been so kind and backed me up... I feel a lot better, stronger and at peace with it.

    Thank you thank you thank you


 

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