EXDP and I were together 4 year and decided now was a good time to start a family. Almost 17 weeks pregnant he seems to be a different person. Not sure if it's my hormones or him but we separated about 5 weeks ago now.
Prior to pregnancy he would always show interest in me and make a huge effort to please and love me yet now nothing.
He'll shower me with gifts and things but all superficial, not the same as the attantion he used to give.
Maybe he thinks I'm un attractive now as my belly grows.
We met up last night for dinner and as usual he's late with constant excuses but starts an argument if I dont just accept it. He was never like this before.
Also he'd been going out lots again with his mate while I'm stuck at home with morning sickness and feeling crap. Is this normal that partners do this or are they usually more supportive of how you're feeling.
I love him and want our baby to have a proper family but he seems to be either scared of the responsibility or just doesn't love me anymore.
Do you keep trying or just finish it off?
How do single mums manage both mentally and financially?
Not sure about living as I'd need to stop work and couldn't afford rent etc while not working. Probably need to move back home
Everything currently seems like an uphill battle with no answers.
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23-05-2012 05:00 #1
23-05-2012 05:49 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
I left my ex at 14 weeks pregnant. He was going out partying til all hours, sometimes not coming home for days at a time. He was nasty to me, but ot was when he got nasty with about my son I kicked him out.
Then I was feeling the same as you, I wanted the proper family, so despite my first instincts, decided to give it another shot. At 35 weeks pregnant now, he's made me look like the biggest fool, doing all the things he promised he wouldn't. I wish I had of trusted myself in the first place.
Having a "proper" family is nice in theory, but being a single mum is the most amazing thing I have done, and is something to be proud of. It is hard, I struggle financially at times. If I were you id look into centrelink and see what you options are and go from there.
Good luck, I really hope he's just got cold feet and wakes up to himself soon. Maybe you just need to sit down and explain what you need and expect from him as a partner and a father. But dont compromise your happiness for the sake of a proper family x
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23-05-2012 06:49 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
I would give it time, could you live together until you are sure? Men can get scared, nervous etc when their partner is expecting. They have a whole new level of worries etc. 4 years is a long time to just throw away. Could you try counseling?
23-05-2012 09:53 #4
When I was pregnant (our pregnancy wasn't planned and although all measures were taken to stop it happening, obviously DD decided she wanted to be here!). We welcomed the pregnancy with open arms but we hadn't been together long (only 14 months when we found out). We both went through phases of change and learning. In the begginning there were alot of fights and rebelling against each other. It felt like it would never end.
I think it was the nerves and the excitement mixing together creating a negative/nervous anxiety if that makes sense. DP was so funny for ages. He would always tell me he wanted her etc whilst I was pregnant but between us, it was a fight zone.
DP's nerves settled at the 20 week scan, when they said it was a girl. It was like it became real if that makes sense, its happening, no need to have nerves etc.
And now he is a doting dad to an almost 9 month old little girl. He loves her to pieces and we are in a great relationship. He is the best dad in the universe and they just have this amazing bond together. He already wants another one!
He always told me in passing conversations he wanted kids and lots of them, we just weren't planning for them this side of 5 years. However now, I wouldn't change a thing for the world.
I guess my advice just take it as it comes, sometimes its just the nerves getting the better of them and it is a stressful time. I mean it's not all bliss. If it's meant to work out it will. And if it doesn't work out, you have friends and family around to support you, there are plenty of chanels to ensure both you and the baby live a happy life. Single mums and Single dads tackle parenting extremely well and are great parents. So either way, you should be okay.
I hope you receive the best outcome possible for you.
26-05-2012 06:49 #5
Thanks for the advice, I thought I'd give him time to see if he'd call me but nothing. Seems like he really doesn't care for me or want this family anymore.
Good family men seem hard to find, I really thought he was different, if he truly cares he'd be here helping and supporting me, not running away from us.
I can't understand it, we both spoke about babies for a year or so now, then it starts to happen and he's gone WTF goes on in their minds?
27-05-2012 12:30 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
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