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  1. #61
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    Some people have said that if their husbands hit them they would leave.

    Well, if my husband put me in time out, confiscated my property, or sent me to bed then I don't think I would be too happy about it either..

    It's an argument that makes no sense to me. Different things are applicable for children and spouses.

    I choose not to smack DD, but I don't think anything less of parents who do smack. I don't think it makes them ignorant or lazy in any way at all. They are different parenting choices.

    Someone else mentioned that those who smack often say 'tap' instead of smack. I think that's because when one person says 'smack' someone can interpret that a different way. I don't ever remember it hurting when I was smacked as a kid. Many people are talking more about a quick tap (tap being with light force) than a solid whack. I do think there is a difference.

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  3. #62
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    What's interesting is a lot of people say that it's not ok for an adult to hit another adult (fair enough, I'm not debating that!) but they take on discipline methods that I also wouldn't use with my partner that are also damaging- time out in bedrooms, removing a toy from them, removal of privileges..these punishments also serve to disempower children. I think there is a chapter in the 123 magic book which talks about children not being little adults, it's very interesting. I believe that a lot of discipline methods (super nanny style parenting) creates 'people pleasers' and that's a whole bagof worms there..I don't really want my kids going through life only doing things to please other people!

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  5. #63
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Some people have said that if their husbands hit them they would leave.

    Well, if my husband put me in time out, confiscated my property, or sent me to bed then I don't think I would be too happy about it either..

    It's an argument that makes no sense to me. Different things are applicable for children and spouses.

    I choose not to smack DD, but I don't think anything less of parents who do smack. I don't think it makes them ignorant or lazy in any way at all. They are different parenting choices.

    Someone else mentioned that those who smack often say 'tap' instead of smack. I think that's because when one person says 'smack' someone can interpret that a different way. I don't ever remember it hurting when I was smacked as a kid. Many people are talking more about a quick tap (tap being with light force) than a solid whack. I do think there is a difference.
    Haha yeah snap.

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  7. #64
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    heeeeerekittykitty is offline My babies, my cats ....ahhhh , bliss !!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    I also want to add that the woman on 60 minutes did not just give her kids a tap on the bum. It was abuse, no doubt about it.
    I agree with this . One of the mothers on 60 minutes ( the one NOT using the wooden spoon) was certainly not just giving a tap . I actually felt really sick in my stomach while watching , it made my stomach get butterflies in a real anxious way because I felt so sorry for her kids :-( the way they would flinch as she charged toward them asking if they wanted a smack really upset me . I felt really sad watching the whole segment to be honest . I watched this when it was on tv last Sunday and was actually surprised there wasn't a thread earlier .

    I have always said I don't want or dont plan to ever hit my kids and I sincerely pray I never do because I absolutely know if I did smack It will have been out of pure anger and frustration and me needing to vent my anger and really , how unfair that I've used my children's defenseless little bodies to help ease my frustration :-( that's how I would see myself if I smacked .

    After watching 60 minutes it gave me even more of an incentive to try my hardest to never smack mu kids .
    Last edited by heeeeerekittykitty; 21-05-2012 at 15:05.

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  9. #65
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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Quote Originally Posted by diesal444 View Post
    I used to be a smacker until I realized what I was doing. Firstly it did nothing but inflame the situation, secondly I was doing it out of pure frustration. It was my inability to be rational and calm when things got the better of me.
    To me smacking isn't about the naughty child etc it's about not knowing how to control yourself in a particular situation. As others have said. If smacking worked then you'd only have to do it once. Ever!
    I find sending to bedroom until I'm ready to discuss calmly works better for me.
    ^^ this. I have smacked out of sheer frustration. We put a lot of effort into sorting out the reasons we were all getting frustrated and now i would say its been months since i have felt that frustrated i didn't know what else to do.

    And i think out of everything i tried, smacking was the least effective. 123 magic was the most effective i can understand how parents can smack occasionally cos i did myself but as a generic form of discipline it can be pretty destructive (and yes i was smacked as a child).

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    We wont b smacking DD....it just doesnt feel right to me. I dont see how i can tell my daughter not to hit others yet turn around and hit her myself?

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpaghettiMonster View Post
    I also remember a while ago on the morning show they were talking about smacking and this women (can't remember her profession) said that she felt it was ok to smack younger children because most of then can't understand what they are doing, but once they get old enough to understand the consequences of their actions and you can start explaining things to them then smacking is no longer needed.

    I thought this sounded good which again is why DS is smacked now but won't be when he is bigger.

    (I still don't like the term "smack" though)

    so when they are too young to understand what they are doing...it is OK to hit them?

    I don't understand that rationale...surely if you intend to use violence...you want it to have some good outcome. And if they don't understand, how can any lessons be learnt?

    For me, I am passionately anti smacking. I will not threaten my children and rule them by fear. I certainly will not inflict pain on a child to young to understand what they have done or why i am hurting them.

    I teach my kids about consequences...i talk to them...yes, even my 1 year old. We have used time out in extreme circumstances (usually sitting beside me/dh until they can talk about what is wrong - above 3 years mainly). Before that, it is gentle guidance all the way.

    We lead by example (speaking nicely, treating well, being fair, sharing work) and invite them to live with us that way. Lots of positive reinforcement and showing love and care.

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    If DD1 doesn't respect her toys, she either has them taken off her or they break. I'd prefer to take them away from her (and let her have the item when i can supervise her with it) until she knows how to treat them with respect, than have her break them.
    DF may not take my toys away from me, but I know that if I don't treat my toys with respect, they will break, and I'll no longer have them. It's natural consequence.
    As for timeout, I can recognize when I need timeout, but DD1 wouldn't consciously recognize that for herself, so when her behavior shows that she needs a break, I'll give her that break. It's not a punishment for her, I'll take her to her room and she will often lay on her bed with her Angelina doll so that she can contain her feelings and get a break from her sister, then we will talk about it.

  14. #69
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    their is still alot of finger pointing going on here towards people who so smack... its their choice, they let the op know their opinion and now are being targeted.

    AND i think alot of people are taking this thread to seriously for goodness sakes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Some people have said that if their husbands hit them they would leave.

    Well, if my husband put me in time out, confiscated my property, or sent me to bed then I don't think I would be too happy about it either..

    It's an argument that makes no sense to me. Different things are applicable for children and spouses.

    I choose not to smack DD, but I don't think anything less of parents who do smack. I don't think it makes them ignorant or lazy in any way at all. They are different parenting choices.

    Someone else mentioned that those who smack often say 'tap' instead of smack. I think that's because when one person says 'smack' someone can interpret that a different way. I don't ever remember it hurting when I was smacked as a kid. Many people are talking more about a quick tap (tap being with light force) than a solid whack. I do think there is a difference.
    I completely agree. I see it as a ridiculous arguement because its not my partners job to discipline me. That said, I dont smack because personally I find it a confusing way to teach right from wrong, when the act of smacking itself is violence.. which we want to teach is wrong. Also.. I try to keep my punishmenta to a minimum and mostly aim for logical consequences .. say my son is being unkind to his friends.. then we will go home and end the play time.. or send them home. I'm not the worlds greatest parent and am reminded of this daily but I don't feel like smacking teaches anything and would more come from my anger than anything

    Sent from my HTC Desire S using BubHub

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