I've heard sooo many of the comments in this thread too!
The one that got to me the most was someone close who said she was really excited for us because life without children is meaningless. 2 years on, no children, we're still trying & she's repeated that comment many times.
Funniest I had was my BIL who asked when I was due (had to give him a bit of an IVF tutorial!)
Weirdest was a friend who kept insisting I make the doctors transfer 2-3 embies because she had always dreamed of having a friend with triplets!? And she was deadly serious!!!
+ Reply to Thread
Results 71 to 80 of 345
22-05-2012 10:08 #71Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
22-05-2012 10:59 #72
Oh and by the way ladies, my Brother and SIL DID end up falling pregnant naturally after many M/C's and failed attempts at IVF, and it was my bro's sperm that was the problem, but obviously one little healthy one got through there and my Neice is a little leapling born Feb 29 this year. Just a bit of hope for anyone who might be needing it. Certianly not saying it will happen, just saying it does for some
22-05-2012 17:36 #73
22-05-2012 17:45 #74
OMG! I am a BH stalker and often read but rarely post these days...but loved this thread and had to post something!
Some of this covers IVF but some covers infertility in general!
Before heading down the IVF path I tried clomid after ttc for a while..I was telling a friend about this, who had been trying to ttc #2 for one cycle, and was in the middle of her second cycle. She told me that she didn't think that it would take her this long and if she didn't get a BFP after this cycle, she will seriously talk to her dr about getting onto clomid... This is a friend who knew how long I had been trying to conceive, and how devastating it had been for me...Needless to say she conceived that month.
Oh and this same friend, when I told her that I had to go through IVF many months later, said, "How exciting!"
I have another friend who offered to be a surrogate or egg donor for us, prior to starting IVF (in fact, slow learner that I am, I actually didn't tell her that when I did realise IVF was the path for us).
And GP's! OMG - GP's seem to say everything that you shouldn't say to a gal forced to go through IVF...
Since being "diagnosed" with needing to use IVF, I have had some bad stress related insomnia and experienced significant anxiety, so I went to my health care professional for some support and guidance on several occassions...
I was told by two different GP's...hmmm, stress really isn't good for IVF you know...which of course, made me feel so much better.
One GP who I saw recently (in fact I was having a mini breakdown) started to say, "Well you could ask your specialist for a bit of a break with IVF - oh, no, (picture extremely grave look and tone of voice from said GP) your 34, you can't really afford to have a break at that age"...firstly - has she got no idea that by the time you get to IVF, you've spent so long ttc! and secondly, I'm 34, not 104!
Argggh! I'm sure I've come across more insensitive stupid comments, but those are the ones closest to my mind!
22-05-2012 17:53 #75Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
Not a smart *** question but....
What do you expect people to say when you tell them you are doing ivf?
I know I am guilty of the annoying sayings that you have pointed out but I really dont know what I would have said?
Also, its hard for us who have had natural pregnancies to not feel bad when talking about our pregnancies etc. Eg, my SIL Cannot have children and are going through adoption at the moment. When she use to ask questions about us ttc or the pregnancy, I felt like I had to watch what I say when that really isn't fair on me as I was super excited and really not comfortable talking about it to someone I know was burning inside....
Anyway seriously, what would you like people to say?
mummy to gods gift to us
22-05-2012 17:59 #76
Hmmmm the best response I've had was from my brother.
"why would you want to spend all that money to have a kid, they're only trouble".........so why not give me yours then wan#ker!!
22-05-2012 18:17 #77
22-05-2012 18:26 #78
One I have - was having EPU the next day and realised that our referral was going to expire so urgently needed an appointment with the gp for a new referral letter. Tell girl on front desk this who says I have to see the dr and can't just pick one up. The dr then interrogated us about doing ivf I think he thought our infertility was going to heal itself - it's been years that the practice have been giving us referrals so I'm not sure what they thought had changed!
22-05-2012 19:16 #79
And you're right, if I never had been forced to go through this, I would have no idea what whether the things I would have said would have been inappropriate or insensitive . I guess, I'm a lot more wiser now...
Unfortunately the theme that I have found, behind the annoying comments, is that people, including my best friends, are very embarrassed when I talk about my infertility, so they usually throw the first thing that comes to their mind, like, "How exciting, " and then talk about something completely different. I remember one time, my friend had an expression that made me feel that she thought infertility was contagious. It made me feel really ashamed. Only one of my closest friends actually talks to me about IVF, and sadly this is because she too has to go through the IVF journey. No one else (apart from my beautiful sister) has asked me anything about this process for about 8 months...not even my own mother. I bring it up, then she wants to talk about something else...
I am fortunate to have a fantastic sister, who while she has no experience with children, pregnancy, IVF or anything like that, is so beautiful at checking in with me, being genuinely curious and respectful, and not acting like I've caught some horrendous disease. It's amazing how she just seems to say the right thing...
As you say, it is really hard to know what to say to people "like us", without upsetting us or hurting us, even in the best of intentions, and it's really unfair that you have to be careful about sharing your pregnancy news, because it's something that you should be overjoyed with.
So for your questions re: what to say to people going through IVF...For me the best comments I have had, have been curious, respectful questions from people, and no pretending that they understand. I personally really respond well to open frank conversations with others, around how they really struggle to know what to say, or how to support me...sure, tears are shed, but their not scary, stay away from me tears, they're OMG, you actually would like to talk to me about this, AND listen to me tears..
Hope this is helpful..
Anyway, to get back to the purpose of this thread, (a noice segue) I was hoping to end my long post with another funny comment, but for the life of me, I can't think of any!
Can't wait to read about more of them...
22-05-2012 19:17 #80
By scarymarygoldfish in forum Games & fun stuffReplies: 61Last Post: 24-02-2013, 11:27
By Zombie_eyes in forum General ChatReplies: 138Last Post: 21-01-2013, 23:30
By GlitterFarts in forum Pregnancy & Birth General ChatReplies: 7Last Post: 03-10-2012, 08:30
Life FertilityLife Fertility Clinic is a boutique fertility clinic located in Spring Hill, Brisbane. Our dedicated fertility and IVF ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Can some reply to my question? I came here for support but not getting any :(Conception & Fertility General Chat
Cashless society - all for it, or disagree?General Chat
Same sex parents or parents to be chat!Same Sex Parents
Mixed slumber partyGeneral Chat
Chickenpox after being immunised?Pro-Vaccination
IVF babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF