My top stupid comments so far have been
"we are just so excited for you omg more grandchildren" yeah right it's gaurenteed you know!!! I hate people being excited for me when it's breaking my heart. I remain hopeful but certainly not excited reserving excitement for double lines on a shiny new pee stick.
The obvious comment relating to multiples because you know just because you do ivf your going to have them! Really?.. I have heard that ivf is responsible for as low as 10% of multiples that's pretty low.
Do you know when your likely to be due as we are planning a holiday and wouldn't want to miss it!!!
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20-05-2012 22:08 #41
20-05-2012 23:28 #42
From tomorrow we can all expect to be asked what we would do if we fell pregnant with multiples . People can make some hurtful remarks when they don't have all the info. Thanks 60 minutes.
20-05-2012 23:40 #43
20-05-2012 23:51 #44
Yeah, sorry. It just got me down.
How's this for a response to hearing we're doing ivf - a friend with 6 boys immediately offered to swap 1 with me if we had a girl!! I love her boys to bits, but they're very.... rambunctious. Hmm. Decisions, decisions!
ETA. Obviously not an annoying response!
Last edited by Rutabaga; 21-05-2012 at 00:19.
20-05-2012 23:58 #45
Don't be sorry, some of those comments were really mean. As if doing ivf, we don't have enough weighing on our mind! People just don't think.
If someone asked me about that 60 minutes story i'd tell them that we're actually in the other boat. We cant get enough in there. My DP tried to cheekily tell our FS that he'd slip her a few grand extra if she will put two in so we can have twins. We always wanted a big family so would be thrilled with twins or triplets. Of course, in reality we know that it's not a picnic and our FS is very strict and tries to avoid multiples all together. But the common lay person wouldn't know that, they just think we're all going to end up as octomum or john and kate plus 8.
21-05-2012 00:27 #46
Know what you mean, I told a friend when we got 6 eggs at our first EPU. Her response was that I'd have to be on bed rest for ages with 6 babies in there! I wonder how dp would have coped with that?! Heart attack, anyone
21-05-2012 08:35 #47
We are the same in that we offered to sign a disclaimer for the clinic to try and get more than one emby put in. After they explained the mortality rates to us though I can see why they only put 1 back. 1 Healthy bub is much better than multiple MC's.
My brothers comment whenever we discuss IVF is, "well have you set a limit for how many times you will try before you give up." ahhhh, no! I will give up when I have a baby in my hands.
Not to mention the amount of crap we got when we decided to sell our house and move into a cheaper house to help finance IVF.
On a side note, does anyone else think it's ridiculous that you have to sign a waiver agreeing to no fertility treatment whilst you are on the adoption waiting list?
21-05-2012 08:48 #48
Oooh I love this thread I could tick so many of these! My 3 all time worst comments are
"your only 24 stop rushing it and thinking the worst, these things take time" arghhhh like my low egg count and endo will get better with age
MIL saying " well we know It isn't your DHs FAULT as he has already had a child" yes but 15 yrs ago when he was 18...it turns out DH is perfectly perfect but I don't appreciate that it's considered someone's fault!
And the usual "just relax", "it'll happen when u stop trying", or MIL saying "how exciting I can't wait for more grandchildren"
But the overall worst has to be "don't think about it is much!" sure I'll just hand over 50% of my wage, get daily blood tests and weekly u/s not to mention phone calls, apps & jabs but won't think about it.
I try and be patient and think of all the possible hurtful & upsetting things that I might say had I never gone through ivf as it is a tough thing to show compassion and optimism without hurting someones feelings.
I'm now dreading the comments I may get also after the a current affair last night so saddened by some of the comments on the BH thread sure as anything won't be looking at that again. Xx
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21-05-2012 08:51 #49
I don't know much about ivf. If a friend tells me she's doing ivf what should i say? Is "Good luck" ok?
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21-05-2012 09:02 #50
It's a hard topic to discuss but your a good friend to be considering what might be helpful. My sister was great in that she researched the basics and told me she was always their to share as little or much detail as I pleased, that she was thinking of me and that she hoped that it worked quickly for us. It's nice to know that u have people their without feeling compelled to tell them every single detail or that they are expecting an announcement any day.
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