Sally - you're so sweet to care so much about your friend. I would think a good reaction to being told your friend is starting treatment would be something like: "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this, but I feel so hopeful and optimistic for you. I'm here for support if you ever need to talk about it." And then if she ever does talk to you about it, I guess the best thing is to just listen, show interest and say things like, "That must be really hard - I can't imagine"; "I have everything crossed for you"; "Sending out the good fertile vibes" ... stuff like that, is nice to hear.
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25-09-2012 13:29 #211
25-09-2012 13:35 #212
We're a picky bunch, and how we react to someone saying how exciting depends on the person. I'm sure she took it exactly how you meant it.
The biggest thing I wish more friends would do is remember. Remember the important dates like fs appts, scans, EPU and transfers. Oh, and remember to ask how the drugs are making us feel. Send a text saying good luck, or asking how it went on the day of appts. It shows you care, and gives a bit of space to process any information from the appt without feeling pressured. I'm always mega grateful for those, but it only get them from friends who've done ivf. I often feel that no one else acknowledges how much this all affects my entire life, and that they only care about any big announcements I have.
You sound like an awesome person, and I'm sure your relative will be grateful that you care so much.
25-09-2012 13:48 #213
Hi everyone, we're currently undergoing fertility treatment (IUI at the moment - it's the step before IVF for us). I find this thread really interesting so thought I'd say hi and start following.. We've been pretty open with family and friends about the whole treatment thing and I cop some really good "helpful" comments from people. I have some great support and friends who really do try to be helpful but having not struggled with fertility, alot of them really can't relate and have no idea that sometimes their comments are the last thing I needed to hear.
A good one from this weekend was "Maybe you're just not having sex at the right times" upon being told we positively are, the response was "Well, maybe it's just not time for you to have a baby".. Yep. Thanks for that.
25-09-2012 16:02 #214Junior Member
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- Sep 2012
Hi I have just read all the posts and had a really good laugh at some of them and thought I would chip one in, my partner (female) and I have been together for 4 years and I said to my Mum (really excited) "we are going to start IVF to have a baby" this was the response - I am not kidding!!
1) Why would you impose your lifestyle on a baby its not fair for the child you are being selfish!!
2) What about your career? You won't be able to do both!!
This from a woman who had fertility treatment to have me and my brother!!!
25-09-2012 16:43 #215
My mum keeps telling me about everyone she knows who's pregnant, and then about whoever shes heard about who's done however many cycles of IVF and given up, and then she asks me why we don't just adopt.
A few weeks ago my sister 'just wanted to check' that I knew about CM and how to tell when I was ovulating... Really? It's been three years...
A friend asked me whether I still get a period, like she thought I must be post menopausal if I couldn't get pregnant. We have MFI, and she knows that...
Shouted across a crowded room at play group "DID YOU GO TO PERTH FOR MORE IVF?" "HOW DID IT GO?" "WHAT?" "iT DIDN'T WORK?" "Oh..."
but, if they don't know about IVF, it's : "aren't you going to have another baby? Come on, other people are onto their third now!"
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25-09-2012 18:51 #216
Ace - I think that lady needs to move to another country such as America if she is that concerned about our Medicare system. Wow, I like the rest of you have paid taxes for years, that's why we live in this beautiful country and even with the benefits there are still huge out of pocket expenses. I had a medical colleague tell me that apparently NZ offers 3 fully cover cycles to couples.
Sally - you are truly beautiful. Being such a sensitive soul I am sure you ill be a very supportive friend. I agree with Katherine and Peonies comments.
Becca - fancy someone advising you on sex at the right time. Anyone going through ART is obsessed with their menstrual cycles.
Pilbra - my mother is the same, that is why I haven't given her an update in relation to our situation. I had to tell her we were doing IVF, when I was in the middle of a cycle and she sent me a text saying she was scheduled for spinal surgery in a couple of days time (we are in Brissy and she was in Adelaide). When I told her she said oh well it does work my doctors receptionist told me she's pregnant the other day and it only took 11 goes!!!! So the least said the better. Oh and when we went to STH Africa mum said 'oh are you going there to adopt a baby'. I felt like responding with oh yes, because it is so easy to do that.
Wantingabubba - I am sorry, those comments would have been very hurtful for you.
AFM - an update for all of you who sent lovely wishes. The little springbok is hanging in there my scan yesterday showed growth and FHR of 120. It also revealed the two ruptured vessels on the chorionic sac. My FS has order further bed rest and more drugs til next Tues, with the drugs to continue til I see my ob. Thanks to all who sent your beautiful kind thoughts. X
25-09-2012 19:55 #217
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08-10-2012 22:17 #218
09-10-2012 00:09 #219
Ace - how very sweet of you and thank you for your thoughts. Our last scan still demonstrated a large old collection of blood, but no further bleeding thank goodness. Still on all the meds including Valium, so a bit whoopy in the head. That said, our little Springbok was booming last week with good growth and a FHR of 140-150. I have another scan booked for Wednesday more so for my own reassurance. Thanks again. I hope all is well with you xxx
09-10-2012 00:10 #220
Likewise much thanks to Katherine. X
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