My dh cannot handle the crying or the screaming, he gets flustered, he panics, and then he gets quite angry. But like i said in a previous post, mil tells my children with special needs, to harden up...so im not surprised dh is this way. I tell dh before he reaches anger, let me take over with them. He tries, but its not easy, so dont beat yourself up about it, you try and thats the main thing.
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19-05-2012 22:53 #11
19-05-2012 22:55 #12
Yes I do. My Mother is pretty cold and didn't like it if I had strong feelings on things and I don't want that for my kids.
If DS is upset, I comfort him when he lets me. He's 2 and his tantrums have hit a new level lately. Sometimes he is too upset for cuddles and just wants to be left alone to cry it out. If I stay with him he thrashes and gets angrier so I give him time alone.
I hope I won't ever belittle my kids for feeling whatever they do, or tell them how they should feel.
19-05-2012 22:57 #13
I let her feel what she fells with support and I try to be a soft place for her to fall when needed.
My niece really struggles with her parents separating and her father moving a new woman in to the house immediately, but not acknowledging that this woman was his new partner . Her father just couldn't cope with her crying and would never let her just feel it and sit with that feeling so it really made the whole separation thing worse for her.
19-05-2012 23:02 #14
I want my son to be a good husband, one that isn't a neanderthal. I feel that will increase his chances of having a long lasting marriage. So maybe you could couch it in those terms with your DH? Does he want a son that grows to be a man that talks about his feelings and works thru conflict or one that breaks things or represses everything? Bc we are what we're taught....
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20-05-2012 01:03 #15
DD1 we let her cry, or sulk or whatever helps, but we also ask her what is wrong to see if there is a solution. If there isn't, or she still wants to cry it out, that's fine.
DD2 is a little more problematic. She has never "cried", she full on screams. It is honestly the loudest thing I've heard come from a human being. When she's sad or angry, it's a full on ear piercing scream. Much harder to just let her do until she feels satisfied, especially away from home. We are trying to get her to talk about what's wrong, but as a 2 year old it can be hard for her to get it out properly. Unfortunately others (even family) think she's just throwing tantrums because of the pure volume of it, and tell her off, yell at her, punish her, etc. Plus I'm a bad mum for not "controlling her"... ie smacking her for it.
20-05-2012 03:56 #16
My two are a little older being tweens but
absolutely they are free to express their emotions, whatever they may be!
I never tell them how to feel and let them vent, cry etc however they like.
Then I pick them up if they need comfort or I help sort out the issue if I can. They will never feel wrong for having emotions.
I also have their bedrooms as
their 'safe' place.. I don't argue, discipline, talk to them about problems (unless they ask me in!) in there. I feel like they deserve a place to retreat, a place where they know they are 'safe' from a lecture of punishment, a place to clam down etc
It works really well for us
DH on the other hand struggles, he was raised being told what he was allowed to feel, so he struggles to accept that if they want to fly off the handle and cry for 20 minutes over not being allowed to eat icecream 10 minutes before dinner, then theyy are entitled to whether he agrees or not!
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20-05-2012 05:48 #17
Absolutely, yes. My DD is VERY emotional, she gets upset or angry very very quickly. When she's upset I give lots of cuddles and let her know it's ok to feel this way. When she's angry, I leave her alone because that's what she wants/needs. When she's calmed down we have cuddles and talk about it.
20-05-2012 07:05 #18
I think its very important! I always tell ds when hes angry "its ok to feel angry but its not nice to hit walls" etc when hes older im going to try and get him to talk though why hes angry etc
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20-05-2012 08:20 #19Senior Member
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- Dec 2008
Edit. My four year old has setups fear of needles, doctors, dentists etc. I want to teach him to be brave but don't want to tell him its wrong to be scared
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Last edited by bumMum; 20-05-2012 at 08:22.
20-05-2012 10:56 #20
So I think it's very important to teach kids to identify and express emotions, and that it's ok to sometimes feel sad or angry or anxious or whatever else.
Especially for boys, given the persistent social pressure put on them to never show emotions, I've seen that come out in bad ways.
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