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  1. #11
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    I think I'm in the same boat. About 28weeks too!

    I think from what I've heard from other pregnant women, I haven't bonded as I should. I try to avoid thinking about what will happen when the baby comes along cuz I get quite freaked out. I can't even imagine holding a baby in my arms. I'm so worried I'm not ready or will screw up and not know what to do.

    BUT when I was told that I could be at high risk of Downs (im not) and my partner told me he didn't want to continue with the pregnancy if it has downs I cried for a week and was determined to not let them talk me into termination no matter what the results was. I was so upset and protective I was practically dragged to the ultrasound by my partner, the only reason I wanted to be there was to see the baby.
    so considering how strongly I felt, how protective i acted when I thought I was faced with that outcome I think I have already or will bond naturally with bubs, maybe I'm just masking my feelings or getting too freaked out or expecting too much.

    And the gender thing, I still kindof feel that I'm having a girl even though the ultrasound says boy and I was quite disappointed too. I can't buy any cute owl stuff that I was eyeing!

    But if we worry and get stressed out I think it's a good sign! If we didn't give a ****, went out drinking and taking drugs or whatever THEN maybe we have a serious problem on our hands.

  2. #12
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    Well OP I actually logged on tonight to start a thread about being concerened that I don't feel like I have bonded with my bump.

    This is my second bub so I feel like i'm always comparing this pregnancy to my last. With my first pregnancy I fell instantly in love with the tiny being growing inside me. This time around I don't have those same feelings and it has really been worrying me.

    Thanks for the thread, it is nice to know that everyones experience is different, and I'm not abnormal for feeling like this.
    I love my DD more than anything so i know that in time I will fall in love with my bump or baby.

  3. #13
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    Try not to put pressure on yourself. Maybe your expectations of how you "should" feel according to others has made you feel like you're not bonding? There are no rules to bonding in pregnancy, just take it in your stride and look after yourself. You have plenty of time to bond with baby once he arrives.

  4. #14
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    ToughLove is offline Meaner than a junkyard dog
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    It's hard to bond with something you can't physically see, hear, touch or communicate with.
    A pregnancy is odd, the baby is part of you, but also seperate from you.

    I felt detached from my bump up until about three hours after her birth. Felt absolutely no connection at all. Thankfully I ad a really easy pregnancy and birth otherwise I might have been worse.

    It is perfectly normal not to feel attached to your bump yet. Don't buy into the "every pregnant woman is in love with her baby before sight" stuff. The fact is that what you're feeling is what most of us feel at one point.

    Relax, take care of yourself, and don't stress about how other people say you should feel. They're not worth listening to. Your bond will come in time and you'll have an amazing bubba

  5. #15
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    I didnt bond during pregnancy or when my ds was born! My bond with him grew over time..hes now 3 and our bond is still growing

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  6. #16
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    Also felt like that with first pregnancy. I think there is so much happening and the body changes, mood swings don't help.

    Even when he was born I felt disconnected. I loved him but the bond wasn't BAM like most say.

    Over time fast forward to about 9months old and I was completely blown away by him. Our bond had caught up. He is now 4 and I am like a tiger protecting my cub. I can't imagine a closer bond.

    2nd pregnancy was instant but she still doesn't get the same protectiveness that ds gets maybe its guilt I'm not sure. I live them equally and the bond is equal but I am very protective of ds and maybe that's because of his and her personalities (she is very independent and sorts things out for herself)

    I am positive that it will happen for you. It maybe towards the end of ur pregnancy, at the birth or perhaps months later. But I am still sure it will happen.

  7. #17
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    I bonded really well with my first pregnancy then when she was born I found it hard to bond with her for a while.

    With my second pregnancy I didn't bond at all well and was quite daunted the whole way along that it would be hard with 2 under two then when she was born we bonded really well after I came home and got into a routine with the both of them.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Opinionated View Post
    I didn't bond with my first pregnancy at all and it took me a few weeks after the birth to really start to love my baby. Sure once bubs arrived I was glad all was well, but I didn't feel that instant love I had heard about. I now actually think that I was quite normal for a first time mum. Don't beat yourself up op, you will love your baby, in your own way and in your own time once he arrives. Pregnancy, labour, birth and becoming a parent is all quite overwhelming and it can take a while for your emotions to catch up with all the changes you are experiencing.
    100% agree. It took me a number of weeks to honestly love DS - as in have those overwhelming feelings of love for him. When he was born, he was my baby and I was very protective of him, but he was also a stranger to me that I needed to get to know in order to love.

    This time I think it will be different because I now know the overwhelming love feeling of having a child.

    Give yourself some time. In relation to the gender disappointment, perhaps go shopping and buy some cute boy outfits and toys, to try getting excited about a little boy. And read the threads on here about why boys are awesome because they are! My DS is such an affectionate little mummy's boy and I can't wait to have another

  9. #19
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    Hi there, this is so normal, especially as this is your first and don't know what to expect. As a professional woman with a high powered job, and no prior interest or experience with children, I have to admit motherhood didn't come easy to me. I felt I wasn't a 'natural' mum and sure enough, I wasn't destined to be a stay at home mum- or so I thought! Once your little boy is born, you will just love him , but don't worry if there isn't an instantaneous overwhelming bonding feeling. I don't think it has anything to do with gender, but rather that you are so new to the whole concept of being a mother. I have 2 boys and just feel so lucky- I continue to bond with them each day (they are now 5 and 4, and boy, do they need their mum!). Oh yes, there is a major change in lifestyle coming, but try and embrace it and take joy out of the small things. eg: We used to eat out most nights and go out whenever we wanted to, but now, my greatest joy is enjoying a nice wine and nibblies with hubby once the babies are asleep! First time around, I found it all very hard, and fought against it, but I have to say, I am warming to motherhood as time goes by! Well, I am just being honest Baby #3 due in a few months. Also, there is nothing wrong with maintaining your lifestyle once in a while- book in the grandparents or babysitter and go out! We used to do this when DS1 was really young- even 2 hours down at the local restaurant was great I have gone on a bit, but just wanted to say that this is all so normal and you have the best adventure coming your way soon, you just don't know it yet. All the best

  10. #20
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    RoseKathleen is offline ...Yes - motherhood is a full-time job!
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    I want to reassure you on several levels. Firstly I don't think I "bonded" with either of my babies before they were born. With my first (both pregnancies were planned) I was so scared that something would go wrong, so I distanced myself from him so I wouldn't be upset. In fact the first three days of his life I spent wishing someone would just take him away from me and let me rest! But something strange happened - the mother-in-law. She tried to change his nappy and made him cry. Gosh how quickly I was over there and making sure she wasn't hurting him! Hormones are a funny thing - they make you love that little scrap!

    I truthfully hated my second baby - while I was pregnant. I was so so so sick and in so much pain I used to think of ways to cause a miscarriage! I was so ready to drive into the nearest tree just to end the misery. To compound things my husband lost his job, his grandmother died and my father was diagnosed terminal. It was a horror pregnancy and a horror birth. But man-o-man I loved that baby when she appeared!

    And I want to reassure you that PND is not the end of the world. Don't let everything scare you! I developed PND after the birth of my second baby. I don't think it was anything to do with bonding (or not bonding) - it was other stresses in my life - financially, my father dying, and me trying to be perfect. My wonderful doctor looked at me, didn't judge and gave me some great tablets. There is nothing wrong with anti-depressants. I took them for 18 months with no problems and came off them without a hitch. I am sure you take panadol when you have a headache, why not when you have PND? I breastfed throughout and everything.

    I know it is hard - but try not to worry about the "what ifs" and the "might happens". Live today. Tomorrow will take care of itself.


 

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