So my ex has a gf they have been together for a month and are now getting married next year. I have no issues with the lady but I don't like her referring to her self as ds's step mum.
My reasons for this are because she's so new I don't want ds getting attached incase it doesn't work out iykwim
Xdp only sees ds every 3 months or so but she keeps talking to ds on the phone and saying its "step-mummy"
Am I over reacting?
Any advice on how to deal with the situation. I don't want to offend her but I really don't want my son to get attached this soon. he's only 3
Ds met my partner after we had been dating for 12 months
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18-05-2012 14:59 #1
Advice from step mums
Last edited by daysta112; 18-05-2012 at 15:02.
18-05-2012 15:04 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
Wow getting married after a month?
I don't think you're over reacting.
I had the same issue with an ex who didn't have anything to do with DD's but his girlfriend use to upload old photos of them saying they were apart of their family and hoped they could all live together one day.
I LOST IT!
Last edited by brooke88(mum2b09); 19-05-2012 at 08:01.
18-05-2012 15:24 #3
Nope no over reaction on your behalf at all, I became a step mum when Dh and I got married we had been living together for 3-4 years before that. DSD calls me by my first name always and has never been pushed to call me anything else, see was 6 when we got together.
I don't mean this to sound rude at all but she is probably using the step mummy thing as a novelty because it is a new relationship. I'd talk to you ex or if you feel comfortable talk to her.
18-05-2012 15:46 #4
I'm a step mum, we were married after 3 years of dating. I have never asked and always discouraged step daughter referring to me as anything other than my first name, we explained to her (6 yrs old) that step mum only means I married her dad and had will only ever have one mum
I know that you don't want your child to become attached especially this early on but you can't stop it whether it's a partner, a friend or even day care worker, children become attached unfortunately. I see it with my step daughter getting attached to mummies boyfriends but we just explain to her he wasn't right and mummy is still looking for love : (
with the step mum thing I agree it's a novelty and she probably only says it because it's new, exciting and when and if they marry she will be step mum on paper
18-05-2012 15:47 #5
She has her own 2 children, 6 yr old and a 2 Month old so I don't think it's novelty glad I'm not over reactig
18-05-2012 15:52 #6-
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
Personally, i'd just go with the flow. It doesn't really matter how long they have been together, DP and I had only been together a month(had known him 10yrs prior to dating though) when he met my boys, I met his son on our second date. I never pushed the "stepmum" but I always encouraged a positive relationship with DP and my boys and vice versa, I wasn't about to introduce a new man into my kids life unless I saw a future between us(we have been together almost 2yrs and I am 20weeks pregnant). You can't really help the women your EX brings in to your son's life, but so long as they aren't mistreating him I don't think you have reason to worry. Also at 3years old, I doubt he really understands, my youngest is a few months shy of 3 and has known has been in his stepmum's life for over a year and I still don't think he quite gets it.
If you feel uncomfortable, then just mention it to your EX, let him know your concearns and go from there.
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18-05-2012 15:56 #7
I don't think its an over reaction but I thinkif you were to mention it she'd prob do it more to annoy you!
Imo if your xdp isn't around often I would leave it be for now, if things dont work out Im sure being only 3 your DS will bounce right back esp of he doesnt see her regularly.
Live and let live is our blended family moto otherwise we'd go insane.
your the only mother in your sons life x
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19-05-2012 06:48 #8
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19-05-2012 07:41 #9
I met my DSD pretty early on, but DP has 50/50 so it was pretty hard not too!
I don't think you are over reacting, if they have only been together a month and your ex only has him every 3 there is no way she has earned that title
Being a step mum is helping care for the child, loving them, helping them grow, providing them with stability etc.
She has only met him once. She is daddy's gf/fiancé.
In saying that, I don't think it will do any harm to your son, he knows who his mummy is.
I think it's just weird on their behalf lol
We never asked Dsd to call me "step mummy" lol she knows/calls me by my name & knows I am her step mother but will only refer to me as such to other people, but still mainly my name.
Just be the bigger person, and pick your battles wisely xox
19-05-2012 07:51 #10
Thank you all for your advice. i think they are weird getting engaged 1 month after meeting but each to their own
I called ex last night and asked him to encourage ds to call her by her name over the phone so he learns her name (hopefully it will just become habit)
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