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  1. #1
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    Default I feel like a failure as a mum :(

    Ds is having major behaviour problems at school and we have booked him in to see a paediatrician but it will take 6 months. The school is harassing us telling us about his behaviour and how concerning it is but despite calling everywhere I can think of there is still a waiting list. Whatever is going on with DS is something that needs to be helped. He is 6 years old. I feel a lack of tolerance from the school and feel like a complete failure as a parent. Do all parents with children with special needs feel this? When a child is given a label are people more tolerant. I would do anything to make my child's life easier if I just knew what to do. I feel like such a horrible mum like I have ruined him or something. I feel completely alone at the moment.

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    babalooba is offline Being a brother is better than being a superhero
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    Oh Hedda I could have written your post at the end of last year. My son, who was 6 at the time, was diagnosed with Autism mid year. The school knew this but continued to treat him like a 'naughty child' in turn making the behaviour worse. It got to the point where in October the school called me and said that I needed to pull him out for the remainder of the week because the next step for them was to suspend him and in the school's history they had never suspended a 1st grader. His behaviour at home was mirroring that at school and I was doing everything I could to make it better, he was a very angry, aggressive little boy. My last straw with the school was when, for the 4th day in a row, they sat him alone in the office because of his behaviour causing him to spit, yell profanities and act out. Obviously not a good way to handle a child with autism. I looked around our area and found a really great school with an amazing special ed department and during my talks with them seemed to really know what they were doing. I pulled him out of school a few weeks early and during the school holidays he completely went back to his normal self. It was obviously the school that was making him so upset, he just couldn't tell me that.

    He now attends the new school and is doing so well. I can actually SEE where his funding is going to whereas at the old school he didn't even have an aid available to him. He now has weekly social skills lessons, access to an aid whenever he needs and and a supportive teacher.

    Anyway the point to my novel is that I know exactly how you feel but it isn't your fault and your not a horrible mum. I think the school is a very important part in your child's life and if they aren't working for you now I doubt they will ever. In our case we were on a waiting list for 2 years and would have been on for anther 9 months but the school sent a letter to the hospital saying that it was urgent and he needed help ASAP and he got put straight to the top.

    I definitely have days when I feel like I can't handle another minute of him and that i'm doing a terrible job but then another day comes and it is fresh and new and we start all over again.

    I really do wish you luck and hope it all works out for you

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    my child doesn't have a disability but i could have written the same last term, my little man is 5 jsut started prep and his teachers were telling me exactly the same thing.

    I agree that the teachers need to do something. his teacher has started up a sticker chart which is going really well atm. i might not be any help but i know exactly how you are feeling!! and its pretty crap!

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    Please do not think your a failure it's hard enough being a parent at the best of times but when your child has special needs it makes it much more harder. I would look at another school one that is more accommodating to his needs. Even though he has not been to the pediatrician I would look at various websites for help. They might know of a way to push things through a little quicker.

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    you are not a failure at all!
    i too, could have written this when my son was in kindy, or even grade 2. he can be quite immature for his age at times and doesn't like 'conforming'. his kindy teacher was brutal to him and it literally scarred him for life. i took him to paeds, no add etc. but the school kept telling me to get more opinions (insinuating i was lying). his pp teacher and grade 1 were awesome, grade 2 terrible again.
    looking back i have connected his late speech (kindy) and difficulty reading (grade 2 teacher wanted kids to read all instructions) with these unsettled times and think he was really frustrated. i also think these teachers just weren't the sort that knew how to handle different types of learning needs (he is a very visual learner). by then he had the 'naughty kid' label and it has been hard to shake, even though he has never destroyed property, hurt anyone etc.
    just relax, your son is your son and it may just be that he has his own personality.

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    Have you been to your GP about this? If it is as bad as you say, go to your GP and TELL HIM to get you an appt with a paed, get them to squeeze you in. What about a psychologist? School counsellor? Has he had his hearing tested?

    If you can't get into a paed I would be going to everyone else that you can think of to try and get this sorted. I wouldn't be waiting 6 months if his behaviour is a 'major problem'. Good luck.

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    The behaviour is only at school not at home so it's hard for us to gauge just how bad he is.

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    Does your son have any diagnosed problems?

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    No. That what we are trying to do but it seem like it will be a slow process. We have been getting 'I've never seen anything like your son' which make us feel great.

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    Please don't feel like a failure as a mum, It's really easy to do when something isn't right with your child though (i know from experience).

    What sort of things are happening in the classroom with your child? How does the teacher handle them?


 

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