+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    The New England
    Posts
    1,199
    Thanks
    448
    Thanked
    441
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Devasted husband dosn't want anymore kids.

    I had the best start to my first mothers day, I had been excited about it for weeks. I'm not sure why, but the thought of actually being a mum on mothers day was so exciting. We had breakfast together and did normal family things, taking the dog for walk and cutting abit more firewood. It was not much different to anyother weekend but I was a mum on mothers day! It was fantastic. Then I ring my mum and she tells me that her (and my old) nextdoor neighbours son has just had his first baby! So I get excited and start chatting again about how wonderful it is going to be to start trying for another, and scans and playmate for DS and names and everything baby.
    Anyway it is getting late and DS is strating to get abit ratty as he usually does, his pumpkin soup is getting everywhere, and DH decides it is all just too hard and he could never have anymore kids.
    We had a really hard time adjusting to having our DS to look after, I was exhausted and ended up with PND and back in hospital. It was really hard. He says my PND is not the reason. I am also 100% bettter now and off medication.
    DH watches the baby while I have a shower in the morning, cooks dinner when he gets home on time. if hes late I do it. Undresses the baby while I get his bath ready, and dresses him while I have my shower at night. Holds him while I have dinner. I do everything else.
    I am sure he needs to talk to a dr about how he is feeling, when ever I mention it he says theres nothing wrong with him, he says hes fine. I just don't think he is enjoying DS enough. He worries way to much about him getting hurt and is always stressing about things that could go wrong. DS isn't even allowed to pat the neighbours cat when dads home! He is also the most happy kid with a smile for everyone, and is just beautiful.
    I really want to have more kids. I can't imagine my life without more, or DS without having siblings. I love my brothers and don't want DS to miss out on that relationship. I want to be pregnant agian, be excited to be trying again, all off it. I even want ot see what labour is like again. But DH just says there is no way he could have more. So needless to say we both ended up bawling last night and I can't even look him in the eye this morning. I told him last night that I wouldn't talk about it anymore but its all I can think about.
    What do I do?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    389
    Thanks
    57
    Thanked
    79
    Reviews
    0
    Your first mothers day? So your son is still a little baby.

    If it were me, I'd leave DH alone for a while. I personally didn't want to even consider another baby after my first until DS was 18 months. Once they get "easier" it's not such a daunting thought

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    10,618
    Thanks
    905
    Thanked
    1,482
    Reviews
    19
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Give it some time. Don't push the issue, just leave it for now and come back to it after a few months.
    My DH was against having more but now he really wants another and i'm the one who doesn't. Feelings on this can and do change and your DS is still only young so your DH may warm to the idea in the future.


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    SA
    Posts
    3,998
    Thanks
    235
    Thanked
    677
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hi Trio, my DH and I were in a similar position to you after the birth of our DD. He really didnt cope well with a newborn (dont get me wrong he was still a good dad and helped if he could) but he really felt quite helpless and has openly said since that he just didnt feel comfortable and didnt enjoy the experience at all. This really scared me at the time because he said he didnt want any more kids until DD is 4... I wanted a close age gap so it gutted me at the time and certainly hasnt been easy waiting for him .

    Well now 2 1/2 years have passed since DDs birth and its only now that DH has decided he feels ready to have another baby and could be excited about it. My DD was a difficult baby in the first few months, but I really feel Dh went through some kind of PND but a male version if that exists! Even now he still he still says hes scared of having another newborn cos he doesnt know what to do and felt so helpless first time round, but I keep reminding him that he is a great Dad and with bubs #2 he will be responsible for chasing a toddler not dealing with a newborn so much - to help me out. He absolutely ADORES DD now and in the past 12 months has really connected with her, they have a great relationship. It took time, and maybe it might be a similar experience for your hubby.

    Take your time and try not to push the issue too much, hopefully your DH might decide eventually he wants to have another but I understand where you are coming from. its not easy

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    14,053
    Thanks
    1,875
    Thanked
    2,608
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    After DD1, DF was adamant that we wouldn't have any more. When she was 18months old, DF and I started talking about a second one! We conceived first go.
    DF has again been adamant that we wouldnt have any more, until the other night he told me that he doesn't feel done, and believes that we will have another child. DD2 is 21 months old.

    I say give him time, he will come around

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,421
    Thanks
    859
    Thanked
    671
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    And sometimes they come around and then change their mind back to no again...
    I hope your DH isn't like mine

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    2,100
    Thanks
    216
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by detajach View Post
    Your first mothers day? So your son is still a little baby.

    If it were me, I'd leave DH alone for a while. I personally didn't want to even consider another baby after my first until DS was 18 months. Once they get "easier" it's not such a daunting thought
    I agree with this. Once your DS is a bit older and more interactive, hopefully you're DH will warm to the idea. I know my DF prefers 2 year old DS to baby DS.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Launceston
    Posts
    13,468
    Thanks
    732
    Thanked
    2,355
    Reviews
    34
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I agree about time. Baby years are HARD!! Wait until they are over then talk to him again when your DS starts to get "easy" and independent.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    10,609
    Thanks
    404
    Thanked
    1,920
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    It wasn't until my son was almost 3 that wanted another child, and even then my partner wanted to wait another year.

    I felt a bit under siege for the first year. Poorly slept, busy, demanding newborn. I think it takes a while to recover from that, and your husband probably just needs some more time.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    The Kimberley WA
    Posts
    4,723
    Thanks
    926
    Thanked
    1,208
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Op it's your and dh's first baby together correct?
    Bub is not even 1yr old yet correct?
    You have been through pnd To the point you were medicated so you and Dh have been through a lot correct?

    Enjoy the bub you have for now. I think once bub starts getting older and interacting more your Dh will be more interested. For now I would not push the issue of having another, it's early days since your first bub, you have both been through a lot with you pnd. Let Dh be for now.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 29-07-2012, 16:41
  2. My husband says our kids make him miserable
    By Apfel3 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 19-04-2012, 14:44
  3. devasted losing my baby
    By melbaxter26 in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-01-2012, 07:59

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
L'il Aussie Prems FoundationAn Australian charity supporting families of premature babies & children. The charity assists families who are at high ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›