As you know, we recently lost out little one. It has been talked about and confirmed that I will be carrying when we do try again, but I was just curious, how do you ask about something like that. I had to push for an answer just to find out where she was at emotionally and as far as she is concerned she has lost interest in having kids, but I still want kids. She is happy to forget it and just be happy not having kids, but I dont want to just give up like that.
I just dont know how to approach the whole thing any more.
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11-05-2012 17:10 #1
How to approach...
11-05-2012 18:14 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I think it is going to be a really difficult thing to approach. I know that after my m/c I thought well maybe I'm not meant to have a baby (I wasn't 100% sure in the first place). I had to have time to myself to think about it and then I sat down and told hubby what I wanted. I'm not really sure how you can approach it.
Sorry this probably doesn't help at all
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11-05-2012 19:13 #3
Thank you for your input though Mallie. I know I dont feel anything near what she is feeling, but when I ask her how she is she only tells me the physical, not the emotional. It took alot of pushing to get her to tell me how she felt about having kids now.
Mind you, the whole ordeal has gone for 3 weeks, with constant bleeding and cramps that have only really gone since last night. And being used as a pincushion with all the blood tests, not fun when you have hard to find veins apparently.
I suppose I wish I could just empathize a bit better (I have been known to be heartless and cold I dont see alot of emotional stuff the same way as most) Also if something happens I get up, dust myself off and get on with it, if I could have I would have been inseminated last week when I ovulated.
I just dont know what to do any more, I feel a bit like Im in limbo
11-05-2012 19:21 #4Senior Member
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- Apr 2012
I feel the same way... after I had my miscarriage I told my partner that I didnt want to go through that again ever, that meant no more trying... I have also said that when we buy our house, (our timeframe is after August this year) I may reconsider...
That said last night after I went to the doctor to talk about going on the pill again, I was thinking hmmmmm... I think I want to start trying again.
I think my thoughts have been all over the place because even though the baby was never born, I had a connection to it, I felt my body changing, I loved it before it ever was born, I even imagined what it would be like to hold it, what it would look like, that newborn baby smell, their soft newborn cries. Its painful to think I wont get to experience that baby, and that if I feel pregnant again, it may happen again. It takes time.
I think you may need to acknowledge mother's day this weekend for your partner and search for an Angel baby pin or if she likes them a Willow Tree Angel figurine. Let her know that she is grieving and that she can take all the time she needs. I wouldnt push it, because she was wanting that baby as much as you, and she may resent the fact that you can carry the baby but she cant.
11-05-2012 20:02 #5
Mothers day is a huge can of worms for me. Personally for me, I dont think of it because I have no contact with any of my family. However! Both of my SO's parents are dead. So Mothers Day understandably is hard for her. I was never close to my family so I dont know what it is like to loose a parent, now with the her loosing the baby too, lets just say I am not looking forward to Sunday, though it wont be as bad as last year (the 4th anniversary of her Dads passing fell on Mothers day)
I feel the same as you though, can imagine what it is like to hold the baby in your arms, hearing their soft noises ect. I close my eyes and imagine it it makes me ache inside.
Ugh, I dont think I am dealing with with not having a plan
Im not entirely sure she will approach me either with how closed off about the whole thing so far.
11-05-2012 20:20 #6
I'm not positive how long ago you lost your little angel but I think it's something that needs time, maybe bring it up when you see someone with a pram mention how that could be you guys one day, and see how she reacts.
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11-05-2012 20:46 #7
I think I need to plan a trip to see one of her sisters, those kids always make her super clucky, is usually a mission to get to give back the baby and she always wants to bring the 2yo home with us. I have been wanting to take her there since it happened, but with everyone working different shifts it is so hard when they are at least 3 hours away
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