I don't think it's that different to be honest. A father who abandons his child is a father who abandons his child. Whether it's when the child is a foetus or a baby or a toddler or a grown adult.
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15-05-2012 13:51 #41
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15-05-2012 14:23 #42
I truly believe that many children will feel a little bit strange about that fact that there's a man out there, who helped to create them, who had the opportunity to play a role in their life, but want absolutely nothing to do with them.
How it impacts your life MAY depend on whether they knew you before they left, and how old you were when that happened, etc, but it can't possibly be nice to grow up knowing that someone who SHOULD love you, couldn't give 2 sh*ts about you, doesn't care about you, and wouldn't even know if you died tomorrow.
A man (and I am talking men here - I do have a little bit of understanding when we're talking about boys who get their gfs pregnant at 15), who knows he's created a life, knows that it's going to need love and money and such to help it survive, who willingly turns his back on his child, is no man in my eyes.
15-05-2012 14:32 #43Senior Member
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- Nov 2007
Sometimes I think I wish FOB just left us alone from day dot. He's offered us absolutely zero assistance since day one and has done nothing but make our lives more difficult than necessary.
I often think how freaking wonderful it would be if I had nothing to do with him. DS has a great step-father who he adores and from whom he receives everything he could ever possibly need. He's a positive influence, loves him to bits, would jump in front of a bus to protect him.
FOB is just a useless piece of rubbish who has it in for us and abuses myself and my son.
Then I wonder what it does to kids self esteem as they get older. Knowing that your dad thinks you're not worthy of even getting to know.
I'm sure some are fine. But some are not. And we won't know how it turns out until they're adults I guess.
15-05-2012 14:36 #44Senior Member
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- Apr 2012
As for having someone in your life that helped create you.. my brothers father chose not to have anything to do with him and he said he couldn't care less. It takes more than sperm to be a father.
15-05-2012 17:33 #45
15-05-2012 17:58 #46
I think there is also more to every story.
I guess it would depend on the circumstances if it was my DP.
I don't see how it is any different to adoption really (unless it was a forced adoption).
I feel for the child utterly and completely!
15-05-2012 18:03 #47-
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15-05-2012 18:11 #48
My ex's current partner thinks I'm a b*tch because I lost my patience and said in front of her to not screw up this new family like he did ours,
I think maybe the new wives need to consider that he may treat you like treasure but you didn't watch him treat us like trash, there is so much hurt and fighting that no one sees but the two parents your getting one side of the story.
I don't think you should hate him for not seeing his children but maybe think about the things he doesn't tell you,
Breakups are not black and white. There are so many shades of grey in there and I personally feel that the best new partners are the ones that stay out of the bickering and focus on their relationships
15-05-2012 19:07 #49
I think there are reasons for not being involved with a child that are somewhat reasonable, such as when their parent is unable to coparent amicably. It is better for children to be raised happily by one parent than in a battle.
However most men who have abandoned a child are merely spineless. I can't see how gutlessness is attractive. And although the women I know in that situation talk about not wanting their perfect little families complicated with illegitimate children, they come across as insecure, mean spirited and improvident.
As a mother of an abandoned child I find it challenging to weave for my child an idea of her history which explains the complexity of the situation without making her feel bad about herself. I'm sure the reasons he is not here sound good to him, and his family, but they make little sense to a 3 year old.
Funnily enough, I have often said that my closest friend and FOB would make a lovely couple, and she'd be a great step mum.
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15-05-2012 21:42 #50Senior Member
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- Aug 2009
When faced with this situation, I honestly wished now exDP would leave his son be with his mum.
I loved the little boy, but exDP treated him more as an accessory and played father of the year more than anything else. I didn't hear anything about him unless I asked, had to constantly explain to him WHY 100 dollars a month wasn't anywhere NEAR enough child support for him, and basically palmed him off at any given opportunity. I genuinely felt sorry for the baby, and just wished exDP would leave him alone. After we seperated, I found out he was using his son as a "chick magnet" then pretty much ignoring his existance when he got a new girlfriend.
I was just happy the bub was too young to understand what was going on. I lost track of how often I bawled the ex out for the way he treated his son.
So, under those circumstances, I think it probably would have been a lot nicer for the bub to have been left alone, but that's just me, and I'm speaking from the perspective of being the one who was dropped as a kid when something shiny and new came along.
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