I am the mum of a child born following a one-night stand, who has never met the bio-dad. Current DH is her dad in every other way, and she knows the basics about bio-dad.
Another thread made me wonder, how does it feel to be the wife/partner of someone who has another child he doesn't see? Especially those who have never met their offspring, like our situation, or who happily don't see them. Is it weird? Do you wonder about your children's half-sibling that they don't know? Do you want to meet them?
I must admit to googling my child's bio-dad, and have worked out that he has other kids and lives in the same state, but he made it quite clear at the start that he never wanted "a knock on the door in 18 years" so we have never looked into contact or anything, and are quite happy with things as they are.
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10-05-2012 19:33 #1
Spin off: Does your dh have a child he never sees?
10-05-2012 20:04 #2
10-05-2012 20:08 #3
Well i have spoken to FOB wife. She is standing by FOB and couldnt give two shirts about the child we created together.
I am sure she would have a different opinion if her first 2 children were in the same boat as my child.
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10-05-2012 20:20 #4
A good friend of me is going through this at the moment... Her DH wants nothing to do with the child (one night stand and not told till much much later about baby) but she is pushing for it and wants their child to know their half sibling.
Not sure I'd do the same...
My DH has a baby from a very brief fling (6 weeks) when he was 19. He has always maintained contact but I can understand how some men can't/won't/don't.
He only sees him once a month or so as he lives over 2 hours away and has footy, parties friends etc and DH works a lot as well. He feels terrible about it, but I think he makes the best of a situation he wasn't ready for.
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10-05-2012 20:22 #5
No, he doesn't.
I often wonder how on earth the ex's gf (if they're still together) can not only be with him but make a child with him, when she watched him abandon his daughter. This was not a case of me making it impossible for him to have access to DD, or him simply never knowing her... when was 3.5 he moved overseas, after having been in her life from day dot... to be with this girl.
She then produced a child with him.
I think she must be crazy. Or a selfish b*tch. TBH, from what little contact I've had with her (before he moved overseas, and he did phonecall a handful of times since he moved - though not in about 2 years - and what he said of her in those phonecalls), I think she's a bit of both.
If DP had a child from another relationship that he never saw, unless there was a reason I could somewhat understand (maybe he never knew until the kid was much older and knew another man as Dad and didn't want ot confuse the child, or maybe she had run away and made herself pretty difficult to track down, and he had persued all legal avenues he realistically could), then we wouldn't be together. I figure if a man can do that to one child, what's stopping him from doing it to the rest. As much as I hate Dr Phil, I do agree with his thing about past behaviour being the best indicator of future behaviour.
I would also absolutely never ever be with someone who begrudged paying child support.
That's how I see things though, from the side of a mother who has an abandoned child and who doesn't get paid any child support. I see it from the angle of the mother watching her child suffer... and there's no way I want any part of a man who has a child out there who he treats like DD's father treated her.
10-05-2012 20:27 #6Senior Member
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Similar to sassy, I had a baby to a man who willingly abandoned him despite the fact we were in a long-term relationship when he was conceived. He never wanted much to do with DS from birth. Never changed nappies, never fed him, never got up to him at night, never played with him, never bought him anything even when we all lived together. He has contacted DS once this year and that was for his birthday.
I don't understand how a 'father' could want nothing to do with such a special, beautiful little boy.
His partner doesn't want children. Thank goodness for that for HER sake and future children's sake.
10-05-2012 20:35 #7Senior Member
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- Sep 2008
No he doesn't. And since I am in the situation where FOB has no contact I can say with certainty I wouldn't be with somebody who did not do everything they could to be apart of that child's life.
That being said I am glad things turned out how they did as my now DF is the best father they could possibly have.
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10-05-2012 20:44 #8
Yep. DH has a boy with a woman who he was in a relationship with for a few months.
They broke up because she cheated. Then found out she was pregnant so he never was really sure if he was the father. She moved overseas and a couple of years ago rang him out of the blue. She emailed photos of the boy (aged 10yrs then) and the resemblance to DH is amazing. No DNA test required. Anyway, after a few more phone calls back & forth (and after a request for money was fulfilled) surprise surprise, she's dropped off the face of the earth again.
I just feel sorry for the poor kid stuck in the middle who was getting so excited to be speaking with his Dad for the first times in his life. And for DH who was knocked for six and then lost contact and opportunity far too soon.
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10-05-2012 20:52 #9
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10-05-2012 21:46 #10
2bboys that is so sad for both your dh and the boy poor things
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