Have you had good midwives? What made them good? Or if they were bad, why were they bad? What can midwives do to make your experience as good as possible?
The reason I ask is that I've decided to apply to study Nursing/Midwifery (double degree), starting next year. I'd love to hear your stories of what makes a good midwife, or what you would have liked that they didn't do/say/whatever.
I've given birth twice. With DS, my experience was mainly very good. Can't really fault the midwives, they were all lovely. With DD, the most memorable one was the woman taking care of me the night DD was born (DD was born at about 3:15pm). I'd had a huge PPH (lost 2.5 litres of blood) and had to spend the first night in the delivery suite on observation, with DD being formula fed due to my body being in shock and making no colostrum whatsoever (had to have retained placenta removed manually straight after her birth, in surgery under GA). I wasn't even able to cuddle DD for very long because I had to try and sleep, so obviously it was safer for her to be in the crib or out being fed/settled by the midwives (I had a catheter in still and cannulas in my hands for IV ABs so I couldn't get out of bed). This midwife was just so so lovely. She was on night shift and just made me feel comfortable and was so attentive, friendly and patient. I wish now that I'd sent her a card to thank her, but it's nearly 7 months ago now so she probably doesn't remember me.
Anyway, I'm waffling now. So tell me your stories and I can hopefully learn some tips about how to be a good midwife myself when I eventually become one
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30-04-2012 22:07 #1
What makes a good midwife, in your opinion?
30-04-2012 22:15 #2
I think Compassion, empathy, niceness. Respecting what the mother wants (within safety reasons), reassuring and caring and also loving the job. Imo.
30-04-2012 22:24 #3-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
I had 3 good midwives, one delivered Ds. She was lovely and friendly BUT she kept turning music on when I was trying to labour, I did NOT enjoy michael bubble during contractions :/
Another was a straight up honest lady who told you what she thought and then told you to take the advice if I liked it and ignore it if you didn't, she taught me how to nurse Ds and is the reason Ds is still breast fed (we wouldn't have even made it once we left hospital if she hadn't been there)
The other was a b!tch for lack of a better description, she said what she thought and she said the truth, she didn't give too hoots about sugar coating anything and told me straight up she could see Ds was just being a stubborn little sh!t when hr refused to latch one night, she was the ONLY midwife who didn't come running when Ds screamed like I was murdering him at every nappy change and who told ne to put Ds in normal nappies instead of hospital cloth as he was peeing through everything constantlu
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30-04-2012 22:57 #4
Send the card, and include the 'this is who i was' story (jic) - because it means SO much when we receive those little thankyou cards from women
Honestly the most worthwhile thing about the job, when women tell you that you made a difference for them
you're going to make an amazing midwife though, so don't stress. Just start studying, and remember that you're going to have to adapt with each woman you meet, and with each experience, and you will graduate a completely different 'midwife' to the one you started as
30-04-2012 23:17 #5
Being in control of the environment. I don't mean being in control of the labouring woman, but an air of confidence and organisation. I was with my BF when she had her son and the midwife had the whole room in a mess and it just made me really doubt her abilities.
Obviously being warm, caring, attentive and open to (really) listening to the woman. Also, putting aside any and all issues that a middie may have from her own experiences so as not to project them onto the woman s/he is attending to, and having excellent professional boundaries.
30-04-2012 23:28 #6
I agree you should still send the card, she will appreciate it!
On our second night in hospital, bub just wasn't settling, he just wanted to suck and my nipples were getting so so sore. I had a dummy but felt nervous about giving it to him so soon. She made me feel so much better about it, helped me wrap him up and give it to him, and he slept so well after that. I loved that she didn't make me feel guilty or like a failure.
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30-04-2012 23:37 #7
Being able genuinely encourage a labouring woman. Giving the impression that my birthing experience was the most important of her career. And I agree with SPG - organisation in ones workspace is very important in maintaining control over the environment. It definitely gives an air of confidence and competence.
Good luck Hollywood! Join us in the study threads when you start I'm also hoping to be doing my Middie next year too
30-04-2012 23:41 #8-
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
I have had 2 bad and one good.
the bad ones were bad because...
they belittled me
they got annoyed
they didnt help
they had no compassion
they treated me like some boring part of their job.
The good one:
was a man.
He understood that as I had no mum, i had no freaking idea.
he actually read that I was quite deaf and spoke loudly and clearly
he never got annoyed
he was excited to see the bub
he made me feel like I was doing really well.
he encouraged and gave me ideas.
He made that birth amazing. I was so upset when I gto a crap midwife with Beryl.
01-05-2012 00:23 #9Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Being in control of the environment is definitely important as well as understanding everything that's happening. If you have a woman such as myself who is distracting the obstetrician from delivering my baby, it is important to direct the attention of the mother away from them so they can do their job. How you do it is the problem though. My midwife was horrid and was up in my face the entire time, feeling claustrophobic while in labour isn't nice and I kept screaming at her to get out of my face because frankly she was stressing me out more than the labour side of things.
Also I would of appreciated being told the truth, the midwives lied to me when I begged for an epidural. I had bub in the early hours of the morning so naturally the anesthetist had to come in. Having an epidural was totally out of the question for me because I was only 2 pushes away from delivering bub. I was told he was on his way so I held off on pushing and when they said I had to push cause the head was already coming out I told them to push the head back in and I'll push once my epidural arrives haha.
Eventually my obstetrician explained that I had to push and I wasn't going to get an epidural because it was too late. That was all I needed to know to continue, I understand some women benefit from being lied to but at least ask the support person which is best, lying or the truth.
For the after birth care I found that privacy was very important. I took to motherhood like a duck to water. I knew nothing about kids and frankly hated the thought of having kids up until I found out I was pregnant. My family thought I wouldn't handle it when in actual fact there was only one time during the 5 days I was in hospital that I couldn't settle DS on my own. The midwives merely watched to make sure I was doing everything correctly and they were happy with me so they left me to my own devices and only came in to check on us once every hour and a half and left almost immediately when I said I was fine.
01-05-2012 00:41 #10
A midwife who is "hands off"
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