How would she respond if you were to say something that doesn't criticize her or tell her what to do, but let's her know your concerns... Eg 'I just want you to be aware that DS and I feel really unwell after being around cigarette smoke, so if we move away from you when you smoke, or if we have to not come to indoor things where there is going to be smoking, this is why. I want you to know whats happening because you deserve to know. It's sad for us, because we love you and want to be around you, but the smoke really affects us so we have no choice'.
I wonder if she will be less likely to be defensive if you take this non-blaming approach?
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28-04-2012 07:27 #11
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28-04-2012 07:29 #12Junior Member
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She also refuses to believe that second hand smoke affects others and would just dismiss it as Ds is weezy because he has caught a cold or because he gets weezy this time of the year.
28-04-2012 07:36 #13
How can she smoke inside your house! It's gross . No way would anyone smoke inside here.
28-04-2012 09:03 #14
Obviously you and your son are being affected by her smoking in a dangerous way. Passive smoking can cause cancer too. So quite bluntly, what do you want more, a healthy you and more to the point a healthy child regardless if what you have to say to your mum peeves her off or do you want to pacify the situation and keep your mum happy in her own little bubble? I wouldn't beat around the bush, I'd be brutal and honest and not really care if she got mad, it's about your health not her enjoyment. It's her choice to react angrily and selfishly to a situation where it would better be called for maturity and a little thought on how she's affecting those she's supposed to care about and if she gets mad she needs to ball up and get that its not 1960 something and we all know the health risks to smoking and in this day and age where it's illegal to smoke in a car with kids because of the medical implications on them people should get that smoking in an enclosed room with kids is just as bad. And she should care more about the health of her child and grandchild than wether she gets cold or uncomfortable having to get up and go outside for a ciggie.
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28-04-2012 12:03 #15
My mother smokes about 40-50 A DAY.... I kid you not!
I have told my mother when she is at my house she abides by the rules, that means no smoking! I have an area away from the house she can smoke if she wants too. She is ok with that although she will try and push the boundaries. At home in her house I know she smokes around my 19 month old nephew all the time, it makes me sick but my sis in law is a smoker too so she is ok with it.
I can't believe she smokes in your house???
I think the softly softly approach doesn't work with someone who is addicted to anything. You need to say no one is to smoke around you and your child and you will take yourself out of the situation if needs be, perhaps if she thinks she won't she her grandchild she might listen to you.
It's so hard but you have to do what's right for your child...
29-04-2012 07:53 #16-
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- Apr 2012
Sorry but you need to get some balls and put your foot down. If you allow your mother to smoke around your bubba to the point where you have to wash bubbas clothes then bub IS at increased risk of SIDS. Allowing your mum to smoke in your home is absurd. As bubs mother, this falls on YOU. YOU are putting bubba at risk through your inaction.
Last edited by VicPark; 29-04-2012 at 08:16.
29-04-2012 08:05 #17
If she doesn't believe the harm in second hand smoke you are not going to change your mind. I wouldn't try to reason or explain, just tell her very firmly that she is not to smoke in your house, and if she tries, she won't be invited again. Same goes for smoking around the kids, everytime she lights up move to another room/outside. She will either learn to live with it or choose smoking over her family, which would be very sad but would be her fault, not yours.
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29-04-2012 08:36 #18
I would just come out with it. It's your mum, you should be able to tell her how you feel.
Smokers really do need to have more respect for non smokers though. It irritates me! even walking behind a smoker and copping the smoke is shocking.
29-04-2012 08:41 #19
Sorry to be harsh but I hate smoking and there is no way I will have it around my DD and I cannot understand anyone that allows their children near smokers.
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