OK I have lost a sister and a pet yes it can be the same grieving prosses but different at the same time. My Dad did cry for both but 20 years after the loss of my sister it still hurts us all. 16 years since we lost our dog but we dont think of it much. So in the initial time it hurts but yes a big differance after a few years
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24-04-2012 10:47 #31
24-04-2012 10:51 #32
I had an older lady say to me recently that she thought the loss of her dog was worse than loosing a child. I was shocked. I don't know if she has kids or not.
I love my animals and it's distressing to loose one but the truth is you get over it and you can get a new pet. You would never get over loosing a child!
24-04-2012 11:03 #33Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- perth SOR
This post was about comparing a pets death to a Childs but it is sad how some people are thinking so little of some peoples feelings about their pets. I still think about our first dog which we called our first child , all the time and she has been gone for nearly 10 years. The day she died is still a very raw memory and I cry sometimes when I think about it. To say a pet can be replaced shows that that person does not feel the same way about their pets as others might do and that would surely make it hard for them to understand the loss and how it can be compared with the loss of any loved one.
Someone might not like their human loss being compared with a loss of a pet which is what this post is about , why say people can't feel the same about their pets as they do about their kids. This is why empathy is something that shouldn't be analysied but accepted as a persons genuine feelings for your situation.
Last edited by lulu 2; 24-04-2012 at 11:17.
24-04-2012 11:10 #34-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- The mist between Chaos and Peace.
Id assume they have never lost a child.
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24-04-2012 11:18 #35
To some people pets are just pets. To others thier pets are thier family.
I have lost 3 babies in pregnancy, and yet my grief for them seems to be somehow less than some other people who have had miscarriage.
It's not about the worthiness of grief or comparing grief.
If someone has lost thier furbaby and they feel as though they have lost a child, than I will support them and help them grieve. If someone tells me thier animal has passed and that they're ok with it, I won't think any less of them either.
Everyone deals with emotion, love and loss differently. To try and specify what is an acceptable level of grief is much more offensive to me than to have someone tell me that they feel as though they have lost a child when thier pet has passed.
24-04-2012 11:23 #36
My very good friend suddly lost her beloved horse to colic, the horse died in her arms when they were 30kms off getting treatment after a 4 hour drive.
My friend doesnt have kids and has no desire to have children, but her animals (dogs and horse) are like her children. When i saw her i broke down with her as i knew it was so much more than just losing an animal/pet.
I think different people have different connections with animals. While i would never compare, i wouldnt dismiss the grief that people like my friend have for their 'babies'
ETA - if a perfect stranger came up to me after the loss of my child or if my child was sick and compared it to their animal i would probably punch them square in the face (i think that would just be plain rude to do that comparison to a stranger) but if my good friend i just spoke about was to do it, i'd be less inclined to want to punch her as i *know* the connection she had and the loss she felt for her horse
Last edited by Bennos Mummy; 24-04-2012 at 11:41.
24-04-2012 11:34 #37Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I think it's pretty disrespectful to tell someone who has just lost a child that you know how they feel because my fish/dog/snake died.
An old housemate of mine had a dog (pitbull, so not a lapdog) who took a disliking to my DS who was a toddler at the time. It was an incredibly scary time for me and when I tried to bring it up with her she told me the dog shouldn't have to be on a leash or muzzled because he's her baby, it's no different to how I feel about DS.
And I moved out.
Not comparable. And I'm an animal lover.
24-04-2012 11:41 #38
24-04-2012 11:47 #39
having empathy is a good thing, it is just a shame that some people try to show empathy, but dont get it right. I think the worse thing anyone can say when there is talk of grief, is 'Oh I know how you feel". that is a foolish thing to say. It might be intended to be sympathic, and to show understanding, but unless the person has just finished telling you exactly how they are feeling, how in heck does anyone 'know how you feel' ?? Grief is totally a personal thing, no two people will feel the same about any circumstance. Marie.
24-04-2012 12:44 #40-
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
My aunt and uncle can't have kids. They're too old now. They had this little Chihuahua called Fifi. She was their pride and joy. They treated her like a child, or more like a baby actually. For them, she was a child. It was the next best thing.
They have never had children so they can not even begin to understand how it would feel to loose a child. However, they now know that loosing their dog is the most painful experience they have ever had to go through.
Just like for us parents, we know that the loss of our child would be the most painful experience WE would have to go trough.
When she died he said to me "Our best friend ever, died today. We are heartbroken. We decided to not have another dog. Fifi was our world and life. No other dog could ever compare".
Fact is, both losses are significant to us humans. There is no ranking or priority.
On a side note, they DID get another dog because they missed having something running around their legs, wanting to be fed, cuddled and patted all day long.
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