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  1. #1
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    Jul 2009

    Default how to get bub to not be held all the time!!

    my DD Is 1 month old today and has to be held constantly!!!! t hubby has gone back to work and I am home with bub and a very active 2 year old I get nothing done around the house or with my toddler cause bub has to be held all the time she can be happy as I put her down in the swing or bouncer and she goes NUTS screaming and crying same when it is time to sleep.
    I have people suggest putting her in a pouch or sling but to me that is just reinforcing the habit of being held.
    I really need some advice I am at my wits end!!!!!!!!!

  2. #2
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    I'd get an ergo or a sling/wrap. I know you don't want to 'reinforce the habit' but it's not a habit, it's an instinct. Your baby is still so tiny, and relies on you, it is her instinct to need to be with you. She believes she is a part of you but when you are gone then she gets scared because her whole world has disappeared and she doesn't understand why.

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  4. #3
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    She has spent 9 months being held its perfectly normal for her to want to be held its not a bad habit for her, maybe an inconvenience to you. I carried my 2nd and 3rd child when they were little, they are both independent little people, carrying your baby doesn't make them more dependent it actually fosters independence. Honestly I would stop fighting the biological norm and just flow with the go I know it was a lot easier to parent my other children with my baby in a carrier/sling as everyone was getting their needs met and everyone was happy.

    In saying all that these are my suggestions..

    Have you tried wrapping her?
    Was her birth traumatic, maybe a trip to the chiro would help, she may be in pain.
    Have you tried leaving something that smells like you with her?
    Try leaving her with ^ and a warm (warm not hot!) wheat pack?

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  6. #4
    Busy-Bee's Avatar
    Busy-Bee is offline Offending people since before Del :D
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    I had the same issue with my DD. I literally did nothing but feed her for the first three months. From 3 months to about 9 months she absolutely insisted on being held, she hated rockers, swings, baby gyms etc I couldn't even get 5 mins peace, it drove me insane. Whats more, she insisted that you be standing up and walking around and she only slept for 20 mins at a time, usually only twice a day. The only thing that saved my sanity was putting her in a sling. It wasn't very comfy trying to do dishes or sweep the floor because I had to extend my arms so far out which isn't good for your back but it was better. I'm afraid some babies just want their mummies more than others. (It wasn't until she got mobile that she became a little more independent.)

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  8. #5
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    i agree with the others, get a sling. great for handsfree and still gives bubs the 'heartbeat' time they need

  9. #6
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    FearlessLeader is offline Winner 2013 - Most Memorable Thread
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    The best advice I ever got was 'newborn babies are not old enough to form 'habits'- you just do whatever you need to do to get by'

    I would get a sling.

    Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

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    Pipsicle  (21-04-2012)

  11. #7
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    You really don't need to worry about re-enforcing a 'bad habit'. All the research that has been done shows that the more an infant's dependency needs are met the more independent they become. Definitely true for my DD who didn't want to be put down until 4 months and then was the most incredibly independent, self reliant bubba. Definitely get a sling, wrap or carrier - it will free you up and save you so much misery. I'd also second Thermolicious' recommendation to make sure that your baby isn't in any discomfort - although, there is nothing unusual or unhealthy about a 1 month old not wanting to be put down. Just remember that the best thing for baby brain development is loving touch and she'll be getting plenty of that.
    Also, is there any extra help you can call in to help with the housework and your 2 year old? I know it's so hard to ask for help but this newborn time is over so quickly and it's not worth being stressed or stressing your precious bubba.
    Did you know that the way a person deals with stress for the rest of their life is fairly set by the time they are 6 months and that the better their distress is soothed as a tiny baby the better they become at self-soothing their distress as they grow. That may not help you, but I found it really comforting in those early days to know that I was doing a really important thing just holding my DD.
    Hugs tou you - it must be tough with a toddler to run around after


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