Although this section is for family members, I am posting about one of my best friends, as she has been, over the years, more like a sister to me than my own.
My friend always concentrated on her career, and when I had children she became their favourite aunty. She always longed for children of her own, but never met the right guy.
A few years ago she met a guy (who we didn't feel was good enough for her) and as he was her first real boyfriend, she was consumed with him. Every time we met up it she constantly talked about him, his ex and his son. I'd patiently listen, offer advice when asked. Each time we caught up it was always the same conversations, often for hours on end. I wanted to be supportive of her, but with 6 kids, my non-kid time is limited iykwim, and I couldn't listen to her forever. Then, if I tried to talk about what was happening in my life she'd quickly change it back to the boyfriend, his ex and his son.
That relationship ended and now she's with a great guy. He also has an ex and 3 children. Now when we catch up the conversation is always about his ex and the children. It seems as if it's the only topic she can talk about (I try to change the subject, even onto other matters in her life, but she always switches it back).
I am currently going through quite a few personal problems myself. My friend wants to catch up, but I just cant be her listening post to the ex/children topic yet again. I would love to share my own problems with her, but I doubt she'll listen for a few minutes without switching the topic back. I feel as though the friendship has become so one-sided and not as fulfilling, although I'd never want to end the friendship.
How can I (discretely) tackle her on this?
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21-04-2012 10:57 #1
When your best friend only wants to talk about herself & never listens to you
21-04-2012 11:13 #2
First of all I hope your problems sort themselves out soon and Im sorry your friend doesnt seem to have the time for you.
My best friend is very very very selfish in that she will call, talk about herself for 40mins then get off the phone. I never get to discuss myself and if I do, she makes it about her as fast as possible. (she will say "so whats happening with you?" and Ill say "Ive been busy sorting out stuff for DS.." and she'll interrupt with "OH tell me about it, my DS...." then off she goes again. She rang me one day and said "excuse me! WHY am I finding out that my godsons (my DS) having an operation through facebook?!" I said "we dont really discuss me" ...she laughed.
Some people just dont get the hint and cant see past their own issues. Your friend is obviously very involved in this relationship she has or had with this guy and is going around in circles in her mind with it. I honestly think you need to be blunt and one day ok "ok, enough about *his name* you need to focus on something positive!..what is happening that is good" and hope she has something new to say. If not, you can either zone out and put up with it, tell her honestly how you are feeling about it or distance yourself.
Hope it works out for you
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21-04-2012 12:59 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2007
If you want to keep the friendship I think that you have to be upfront with her and tell her how you are feeling.
I have or more accurately had a friend like this, she only contacts me when she wants something or to talk about herself and I recently reached the stage that I was not going to put up with it anymore. I have not actually told her that I consider the friendship over but I do not contact her unless she contacts me and have not seen in a long time (we live 6 hours away but I do not go and see her when I am in the city).
Life is too short to put up with selfish people I am learning as I get older.
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