It's just so hard

[BarefootedMumma]

DH and I have been TTC for almost 2 years. Sometimes more actively then not.
I had a Chemical Pregnancy in July last year but other then that there has been no other hints. A lot of our friend and family know where were trying and have been trying and are starting to get to the stage where they are suggesting that we look at IVF and the possibility of fertility Issues.

The thing is, we know why we aren't conceiving. DH has severe depression and just never seems to be in mood for the right days of the month. I can't blame it all on him as some time he is willing, but he has been that depressed I've gotten annoyed at him and just not wanted to be close to him. that isn't his fault it is mine for not being mindful.

It's just getting hard to respond when people ask. It's hard to tell people that is the reason, but at the same time we can't just glaze over and go yeah we are doing it when we're not.

I guess also I am just wishing that we could just knew exactly when to DTD to get the baby as it's too much pressure on him to try for 3 days in a more, if we can even get the right days. I don't seem to have a knack for reading OPKS for whatever reason and my Cycle doesn't tell me until AF weather it's going to be a 27, 28, 29 or 30 day cycle.

I do sometime think I should just give up on my idea of ever being a mother but it hurts so much to do that. It's also hurts that It seems every month when I get my AF someone else is telling me about their pregnancy.

I'm not sure if this is in the right area, but it's just a late night rant that I don't know where to put. Not at all what I planned for this thread.

[Zakmick]

Hi!

You said DH has severe depression is he getting help for this, as this seems to be a major reason?

Also there is no harm in going to your gp and asking them to do some tests on you both, your not committing to going down the ivf road or anything by doing this, you are just being proactive.

Have you got an iPhone, you can download apps that can help with predicting your cycle, as well as taking your basal temp each day, there are even things you can buy at the chemist called a Maybe Baby that can tell you when your ovulating.

It's ok to rant, and wonder if your dream is going to come true, and it's so hard when people constantly question when your going to get pregnant. It's none of their business. I use to get annoyed at them but now I just say its not as easy for some or depending what mood I'm in I'll say we are doing ivf- they shut up then.

Good luck🍀

[BarefootedMumma]

DH is getting help with is depression, and while yes it is help, it's nothing perfect yet.

I have the apps but Can't do Temping my brain just does't think to do the same thing at the same time of day. I don't even get up the same time everyday.

I don't like to buy the maybe babys or OPKs much DH and I only have shared accounts, we aren't on great money atm and while he tells me i can use money when I need to It seems as though explaining to him why I spent it if he notices is putting more/extra pressure on him.

I know there is no harm asking the GP to do tests but DH doesn't want to do it yet.

[Zakmick]

Do you think you need a break from ttc and let DH get well, which would help your relationship and thus you could be more intimate because you wouldn't be mad at him?
It's alright to be mad at him, but it's not healthy for you or him when your trying to conceive.
I felt in the end it was like a chore ttc, spark was all lost and there seemed to be added pressure on DH to perform.
Sorry i can't sleep...

[Zakmick]

I went through severe depression when we couldn't conceive through ivf our first attempt after trying naturally for 2 yrs. it was tough.
But I had to hit rock bottom before I was willing to accept the help I was being given.
DH took my depression hard too, he started drinking more and our relationship suffered.
Without me knowing it, he was becoming withdrawn and depressed to a degree because he didn't have me ( so to speak).
It was a very dark two years, but we pulled through.
It could help you to speak with your gp and see if they have any suggestions for even counselling for you to help you get through all of this too ( that you wouldn't be out of pocket ).
I wish you luck & peace of mind and your DH a speedy recovery🍀

[Luna Lovegood]

Zero advice, shiz loads of

[ABigDeepBreath]

It is so incredibly hard to ttc for such a long time! It's been 2.5years for us and still no bub.

I agree with pp. It is worth starting the process of both being checked out in case there is something biological going on.

But meanwhile, I think it's really important to prioritise DH's mental health and your relationship, to ensure that you are both in a good place for when bub eventually arrives. Maybe some joint counseling could help, as suggested.

[BarefootedMumma]

yeah we have been on a few breaks and currently are now.. but still it hurts him as much as me every month when it's still a Negative. Even the months where we Know it's going to happen cause we haven't even DTD he still gets pretty cut up.

I am focusing on him getting better but at the moment his psychiatrist seems to be doing 2 steps forward 1 step back on his meds and it's really getting to him, and of course me.

We don't do counselling because for us it does nothing.

[MrsSparkle]

Barefooted.... Firstly *hugs* I know exactly where you are coming from. My dh has the same problem and we are trying for a baby as well but not as long a you have been. The depression along with the antidepressants really kills the sex drive.

I know you say that you don't like opks etc but they are such a good help. I use them so that I know when I am ovulating so not to put pressure on dh. if I don't know when im
Ovulating i tend I want to do it more "just in case" which inturn when it doesn't happen and he rolls over and falls asleep I am left feeling frustrated, angry and upset. In the back of your mind you know it's not his fault but it doesn't change your feelings towards it. Opks are fairly cheap maybe up to $10 for 20 or so (sorry can't remember exactly).

Also, I have read up on some ADs causing men's fertility problems so maybe look into that.

Don't give up yet.... And don't let people's talk get to you, easier said than done I know.

Pm me if you ever need to talk

[BarefootedMumma]

Barefooted.... Firstly *hugs* I know exactly where you are coming from. My dh has the same problem and we are trying for a baby as well but not as long a you have been. The depression along with the antidepressants really kills the sex drive.

I know you say that you don't like opks etc but they are such a good help. I use them so that I know when I am ovulating so not to put pressure on dh. if I don't know when im
Ovulating i tend I want to do it more "just in case" which inturn when it doesn't happen and he rolls over and falls asleep I am left feeling frustrated, angry and upset. In the back of your mind you know it's not his fault but it doesn't change your feelings towards it. Opks are fairly cheap maybe up to $10 for 20 or so (sorry can't remember exactly).

Also, I have read up on some ADs causing men's fertility problems so maybe look into that.

Don't give up yet.... And don't let people's talk get to you, easier said than done I know.

Pm me if you ever need to talk

Knowing someone else is going through it is so good.

In regards to the OPKS, it's not that I don't like them. I just can't seem to read them. It always looks like a I get 3 positives a month.